Spaghetti thoughts

I remember reading somewhere that men are like waffles because they can easily compartmentalize while women are similar to spaghetti because everything is connected in some way. Once again I’ve relocated and along with the change in location has come a renewed commitment to be more healthier after I was challenged to make better choices. There’s this story in the Bible about a guy that had a skin disease and he was told to wash in a muddy river 7 times. The guy almost turned around and went home because he was expecting to be told to do something big and the remedy was just too simple. However, his maid convinced him to do it and it worked. In a world of fad diets, special equipment, and fancy fitness plans that consume your life, there still isn’t a substitute for eating healthy and exercising regularly. It’s a solution that seems too simple to a lot of people so they spend money (sometime unnecessarily) in the hope that it will take the place of hard work and discipline. I’ve learned more about discipline in these last few weeks than I have in a long while. It’s the same kind of internal motivation that I had to use in order to finally finish my dissertation and it’s really uncomfortable. However, it’s the only way to get the results that I want. It’s not something that I can delegate or outsource to anyone else. Like most decisions to make some significant changes, the question is, “How bad do you want it?” I’ve always admired people who genuinely enjoy working out but as I’ve been more consistent I can see how it can become a habit–regardless of the degree of “like.” I’m looking forward to seeing how this turns out despite the fact that it’s still uncomfortable. But anything worth doing is worth doing well and I’ve never been one to back down from a challenge.

On the water again

This past week I had the chance to relax but also define some goals for next year. I learned a lot about myself and also managed to have some fun. Cruising remains one of my favorite means of travel.

Qualifying

I admit that I struggle with the general idea that one has to “qualify” in order to get married. There’s this list of things that single women are given and expected to accomplish before they are ready to get married. We tell our girls that boys will always be there and to get their education first. You’re expected to work on yourself, do fun things, finish school, pay off debt, and get a decent job among other things before you qualify for marriage. Now granted, my story is different in that while I’ve always wanted to get married, I had a feeling that I would be on the road less traveled for a long time. I just didn’t anticipate how long it would be. I was hoping for 25 but now I’m pushing 30 without any actual potential mate on the horizon. I find it frustrating when I’m told that there’s something that I’m doing wrong or just haven’t done yet that makes me unqualified to be married. I see people all day, I’m a good listener, I can hold an emotionally safe place and challenge the perspectives of others in a way that is non-threatening and supportive. I’m the sole provider of my household of one and while I’m not rich, bills do get paid and I travel once in a while. I recently completed the highest educational level one can achieve (PhD) and yet the Universe still apparently sees me as unqualified for a mate. I’m all about doing the work but shit, being alone gets old after a while. I’ve learned how to self soothe and what to do to calm myself down but there are times that I’d sell my soul for a hug and the knowledge that someone has my back. Yes, I’m approached by guys but so far they aren’t ready for anything serious or want me to finance their lives and take care of them. Neither is an option I want to live with. It sounds corny but I want to matter to someone. Really matter. I haven’t found that yet and the older I get the less optimistic I am. It’s just exhausting and tiring doing it alone all the time and while I’ll always do what I have to do, I wish things were different.

Lessons from 2016

1. Just like the Jazmine Sullivan song, “forever doesn’t last always.” You can’t control the choices of others but you can decide your reaction 2. Online dating is hard and doesn’t always yield the results you want. Assume everyone is lying until proven otherwise and it’ll be ok. 

3. It’s ok to live outside the box for a while. A normal 9-5 doesn’t and won’t fit everyone. 

4. Appreciate the small things and don’t sweat the big stuff. Take it all in a stride.

5. Don’t take people who care about you for granted. Life is short.

Reflections from this week

  1. Life is hard. It’s messy and doesn’t have any promises or absolutes. But it’s easier to go through those stressors having money. Just like it sucks to be sad but its more comfortable to cry in a Bentley than on your bike.
  2. Advance planning is important. It’s hard to make crucial decisions when you’re still reeling from emotions and you have to think clearly. It’s better to get it out the way and not worry about it than to scramble last minute.
  3. It’s important to take some initiative and find out what resources are around you. After all, it’s better to know someone and not need them than to need someone and not know them.
  4. Questions are good. Ask them.
  5. Keep an open mind. Just because things have been done a certain way for a while doesn’t mean that they can’t be improved or become more efficient.

Loving on and moving on

Again, I ran into this blog post and absolutely wanted to share. There comes a time when you realize that no matter what, you can’t love someone into loving you. It’s a hard reality to face because we want to believe that our love can change someone who doesn’t want to be changed. I’ve had a similar experience of the writer and I have to admit that it’s not comfortable at all. But time helps and it gets better as you move on. You learn to love from a distance and be ok with that. 

Manik RatheeI thought I was prepared to see you again. It’s been about a month since I’ve seen you last and that was a train wreck in itself. It’s been a few months since we’ve spoken and that ended up with me in tears. The girls and I were relaxed, having a few drinks and…

via I Love You, But It’s Time To Close This Chapter In My Life — Thought Catalog

Opportunities and the end of the year 

I think that in some way, shape, or form life is always in movement. Even when you feel that nothing is happening time continues to go by. Recently I’ve gotten an opportunity of sorts to achieve the last goal on my list for 2015. It’s funny how you can talk about how much you want something but feel differently when it’s finally in front of you. One thing I’ve learned this year is that some opportunities only come once and that sometimes you have to both recognize and act on them without having a lot of background information. Another thing I’ve learned is that every opportunity isn’t a good one and that sometimes you have to make a choice based on long term goals and not what’s in front of you. What a year it’s been.