Like many, I was happy to see laws like the CROWN Act happening in various states across the country. Historically there are certain cultural norms about hair and what constitutes being a professional hairstyle and more often than not the rules do not include an understanding of the intricacies of Black hair. Today I took the step of getting Sisterlocks and embracing the hair I’ve been given. It took about 18 hours of patience and sitting in the same spot but it went by pretty fast. It was nice to be still for a moment and take a break from some of the daily demands and responsibilities I have. The flat iron, pressing comb, and curling iron is technically a thing of the past and while it feels daunting, it feels good to start something new. In the period of a year I’ve had several major hair changes that have included a drastic cut, color and making a choice to not use heat on my hair. I’m excited to start this journey and find out more about my natural hair texture and also explore some styling possibilities when my hair matures. It all begins today.
One thing that I enjoy doing (at least most of the time) is working with couples. It’s a different dynamic than individual counseling and there are a lot of moving pieces. I was reflecting on how long I have been doing therapy and I realized that it’s been almost 8 years since I’ve started. Over the years I have started to notice patterns and the process has become more intuitive as opposed to theory. I like encouraging couples to build a new relationship and helping them to negotiate new rules and guidelines. They have the opportunity to ask questions and to be intentional about building something that provides each partner with a sense of security. It’s rarely straightforward but there’s nothing like witnessing an “aha” moment when things start to come together. It’s stressful to hold all the emotions in one place but I have learned that it is important to compartmentalize and to take breaks when needed. Many times couples get together without truly knowing what role they want the relationship to play in their individual lives. It’s up to each couples to establish a new normal and to find something that works for each partner.
Last week I had the chance to travel to the island paradise of Aruba and I’m including some pictures
In December, I went to Ireland for a week and had an amazing time traveling throughout the country. It’s a gorgeous gem with great people and amazing beer. I went solo and I had a great time anyway. The scenery is breathtaking and I learned a lot about Ireland’s history. Here are a few pictures.
Not too long ago I ran across an interesting article and immediately shared it with a friend who also agreed wholeheartedly with the author. You can read it here. As a therapist I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve talked to clients about accepting themselves and not basing their happiness on the presence of another person. But let’s admit it, we all want acceptance, companionship, and validation. The author brings out a good point when she talks about a strange sort of contentment in doing your own thing 100% of the time. You don’t have to consult with anyone or let someone know where you’re going when you leave the house. It’s like settling into a homeostasis of sorts. You aren’t obligated to constantly think about the welfare of another person. If only you could order a significant other as easily as one does an Uber or Lyft. You could specify various characteristics that you wanted and then request. As promised, a companion would suddenly appear on your doorstep, the epitome of all your hopes and dreams. No heartache or second guessing because you’ve just met your soulmate and you know that you’ll live happily ever after. Let’s be real, there’s a certain amount of selfish that is perfectly acceptable being a single person that just won’t fly in a relationship. You can’t get your way and never compromise and still expect to have a successful partnership. The author brings out a good point when she discusses the constant self-analysis and diagnosis that happens when you try to make sense of a phenomenon that is supposed to occur within a certain time frame. I have to say that I agree with her conclusion.
I’m sharing this because I think it’s indicative of the experiences of many. It’s incredibly sad that people who have fought for our country aren’t able to receive the care they need because of a system that is corrupt. I remember reading an article about the Veterans crisis line and how a very small percentage of calls were actually answered by licensed professionals. While I can’t imagine the emotional impact of working 8 hours a day answering suicide calls back to back (which is why I turned down the job when it was offered to me), the fact is that it is absolutely a needed and necessary resource. We have to do better across the board for our veterans. Why can’t people be all up in arms about stuff like this instead of arguing about the proper posture for the National Anthem?
It’s been a few weeks since I’ve posted anything here. I just haven’t felt like writing. It’s also been a while since I’ve read any of the blogs I follow. It’s been a rough few weeks. I have been busy. My busy doesn’t equate to productive by any sense of the definition. But the thoughts in my mind keep me busy, yet also inhibit motivation and desire to do the things that I need to get done or even doing the things that I enjoy doing. I’m stuck in a cycle of doing the bare minimum to survive. But there is a light at the end of this tunnel. I can see it. It shines bright enough to lead me to the end of all this. I just don’t know how long before I get there. But I will continue to put one foot in front of the other and…
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Warm Thoughts When I think about my mom, how love and devotion she has displayed to me, how many times she’s been to hell and back for me, her patience with me, and her understanding, I get a warm sensation in my soul that soothes and pushes me forward. Though my mom was a single mother she […]
I came across this today and wanted to share as there are a few minutes left in the day that we dedicate to mothers. I’m definitely thankful for mine.
I agree with this blogger that honesty is a very important trait to have. Over the years I’ve learned to separate people who have good intentions and make promises from people who are willing to be honest about their expectations and follow through. Great read.
There are certain traits I admire in the people I interact with, be they my friends, coworkers or managers. At the top of my list of admirable traits is honesty. Honesty is most important to me because I believe it reflects one’s true character. If people are dishonest and cannot even keep their word with the small things in life, there is nothing preventing that dishonesty from rolling over to the bigger things. Having truthful interactions with people is key in developing healthy relationships, especially when in leadership roles. Positivity is another important trait to me. This is an infectious trait, and being around people that exude positivity creates a more positive, successful environment as a whole. Adversely, being around negative people creates an uncomfortable, unproductive environment. Related to my outlook on passion in one’s work, I view motivation as another key trait. True motivation comes from believing in your…
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I ran into this post not too long ago and thought it was amazing. I’m always intrigued by people who make the decision to do a life overhaul and move to another country and start from the ground up. Definitely might be the move in a few years.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ In December of 2014, I made a resolution: 2015 was going to be the year of change. I would go back to school to advance my career. After years of working on the outskirts of higher education, I decided I need to get ahead by going back to school. Early on in 2015, a […]
This blogger asks a thought-provoking question. I’ve met a lot of people who have put their dreams on hold and regretted it on their deathbed. I’ve also met others whose dreams spelled the demise of the relationship and it was something they wished they have never done. I think that it comes down to priorities. Relationships are a give and take and there isn’t always a set formula. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with putting dreams on hold for someone who is worth it. That’s the deciding factor to me. I’m all about potential and being ambitious, but if one person wants to move forward and the other isn’t as motivated, it’s very difficult to get them to change–most likely they won’t. I think that it’s in those type of cases that people regret not making a better decision about pursuing their dreams.
So my frat brother and I had a great conversation about our “dreams” job and how some of them come with questions.
The main question that came up was this: Would put your dream job on hold for your spouse or significant other??”
I think the question comes up when someone is a Military, Politician, or Paster.
For some it’s a simple NO, or I’m NOT Ready… for some men amd women this is a question that comes up a lot more than people think.
Think about it like this, what if your husband/wife is in the Military and has to relocate or gets deployed and you have the option to come? What if your husband/wife is a politician and needs you to be by their side?
What happens when your dreams become you and your spouses dream?
On Facebook Viewer said: On hold does not mean rejection, it’s just…
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