I’ve set an intention (as I typically do) to write more frequently. While I see the upcoming new year as a start, I thought that it would be good to try to get a head start on creating the habit. Over the years, I’ve done a lot of reading and research on religious trauma which translated in to presenting at several conferences, writing an article, and creating a mini-course. Religion is one of those things that can bring value and meaning to life. It influences the way that people see themselves and see the world. However, it can also be used as a weapon and inflict emotional wounds that are difficult to move past from. I think that there’s a need for more conversations around how to successfully navigate and integrate the values from that you were taught with the knowledge gained through experiences. Oftentimes, those two things aren’t congruent and are perceived as clashing; but in reality, our past experiences shape who we become in one way or another.
Lately, the majority of writing I do has been for articles and it’s been challenging at times to carve out specific time blocks to write. Nevertheless, here’s an article that any working adult may find helpful. Let me know your thoughts!
I ran across an article that was in response to a tweet that went viral. You can read the article here. Basically the author talks another the fact that most marital relationships aren’t truly 50-50. Women complete the bulk of household duties. This is absolutely true. I did a dissertation on it. However, women who want men who are providers or more specially black women who want men who are providers are labeled as gold diggers. The interesting thing that the author points out is that black women tend to out earn black men in many instances so then they also carry the financial responsibility of the household. From this aspect, a 50-50 split is an upgrade. I’ve met a lot of guys who aren’t comfortable with solely providing financially for a household while their wife works part time jobs or stays at home with the kids. Their mindset is if they have to go to work 40 hours a week, their wife should too. I’ll admit that I’m a bit old fashioned when it comes to this but I’m also trying to be realistic. I would love to have a husband who considers it his primary responsibility to provide for the household. But I also don’t want to be in a situation where he exerts all control over finances because he earns it. I just hate the idea of being in a relationship where I have to keep tabs on whose turn it is to pay. I don’t want to worry about that because there’s the understanding that he will. Not to say that I’ll never do it, but I want it to be an option instead of an obligatory split. Is this even possible these days? I’m doubtful.
I ran across an interesting blog post that has also been making the rounds on various social media outlets. If you want to read it, you can find it here. Just the comments alone are off the chain. The author tells her story of being a pregnant unmarried woman who is also a pastor and is not stepping down from her leadership position in the church. Oh the outcry! People are shocked that she would “dare” not publicly be repentant and spend months hiding away in shame due to an unplanned pregnancy. But she is clear in her article that she made her peace with herself and God and is moving on and enjoying the moments. It’s always been interesting how women are treated versus how quickly some people are to sweep a man’s indiscretions under the rug. There’s some type of righteous indignation that seems to follow pointing the finger at someone’s supposed “sin.” She’s not a young pre-teen. She’s a grown woman with a career and a stable home and yet people are riding her about her personal choices in her own life because she’s in a leadership position in her church. I understand the expectation that those in leadership uphold a certain standard of “acceptable” behavior. However, why is being sexually active and getting pregnant on the same level as adultery, stealing, or exploitation? There are plenty of men who have committed actual criminal offenses in leadership positions and have been allowed to get off scot-free with the “we all fall short” excuse. Life is short and can end without warning or reason so why exactly is abstinence before marriage still considered a sign of a “real” Christian? Don’t get me wrong, there are people who have chosen that life of abstinence for themselves and are happy and content with their choice. But there are others who it doesn’t work for. Of all the things to do in the world that are bad, why are the bedroom activities of two consenting unmarried adults judged so harshly? There’s literally so many other legitimate things to be up in arms about in this world we live in. A pregnant unmarried pastor is a non-issue (or at least should be). Next.
I recently ran across an article that caught my attention. I follow the writer on some of my social media sites and I usually agree with a lot of what he says. I immediately shared the link with a friend of mine who also tends to share a lot of my viewpoints and she agreed 100% with the writer. You can read the article here. First off, I want to say that I really like the writer’s “tell it as it is/no nonsense” approach. The basic assertion of the article is that women need to stop being loyal while they’re in the beginning stages of a relationship in order to “prove” that they have the capability to be monogamous in a relationship. These days there are so many additional nuances to the dating process. It used to be a lot simpler. You were either with someone or you weren’t. Now we have the “talking stage” which is a sort of a dating purgatory or holding period without anything really being defined. This isn’t to be confused with the “friends with benefits” stage where it can get messy if/when emotions get involved and there isn’t always a clear definition of what exactly it means. The writer of the article specifically addresses women who immediately cut off all other options because they’re currently in the talking stage with someone. I know some women who date online and hide their online profile when they start talking to someone so that they don’t have to deal with other interested guys. It’s a nice thought but in the world we live in today, that’s too much of a gamble in my opinion. You can’t afford to put all your eggs in one basket when you initially start talking to someone. If a guy wants to commit he will. Jumping through hoops and forsaking all others too early in the game is one of the quickest ways to get burnt. You get too emotionally invested too soon without being able to tell if the feeling is actually mutual. It’s a recipe for failure. Don’t paint yourself into a corner. You always want to have options until you don’t need them anymore.
This was another article that I recently ran into. Here is the link. I was upset after reading number one and that emotion just increased in intensity as I continued to read. Actually, there were a few things that I agreed with out of the entire article. I live in a city where door opening just doesn’t happen and it was a huge adjustment to say the least. I continued to read the article and realized that I couldn’t think of a good reason to call up someone else’s parents and invite them to dinner for the sheer reason that I felt it was time we meet. Now of course there are exceptions but I would be upset if someone did that to me. Number seven though. I predicted while back that the way the world was going, we would see an increase in women proposing marriage to men. While the idea isn’t the most popular, it’s something that I think will quickly become the norm. I also think that engagement rings for men will also be a part of the “new” normal. I don’t know the author of the article but it definitely seemed like she was a proponent of equality across the board and in all areas for both genders. I’ll let you be the judge.
I ran into this article through the course of my internet surfing and found it to be (somewhat) fairly accurate as far as my own experience and from discussions from other people in my age bracket. You can read it here. I agreed with a lot of the things that the author wrote about. After all, your dog isn’t going to let you know how much he enjoyed your cooking. An example of this is the fact that I made an awesome lemon pie the other day and my dog loved it. While the article wasn’t all inclusive there were some very valid points that were made. Granted, I think that a lot of the things listed tend to be hidden behind a certain facade of having a great life. But then again, that’s nothing new and it happens with both men and women all the time.
I saw this CNN article and found it pretty relevant to my life because I work in a crisis type of position. You can read the article here. One thing that was interesting was the fact that many social workers and crisis counselors report that they like their job. This wasn’t surprising to me because despite all the craziness and unpredictability of my job, I don’t mind it. People get into a helping profession for a variety of reasons. In my case, I can’t NOT help people and I figured that I might as well have a job that allows me to do that. I’ve had stressful jobs in the field of social work before, but nothing comes close to the emotional drain from crisis work. It’s the kind of job that make you want to take a month long vacation after every shift. However, it’s also meaningful and you get the chance to encounter people from various walks of life and separate those who truly want help from those who don’t want any help. The article noted some great ways to deal with the stress that comes along from constantly working with people who facing some pretty big life challenges. There was an article I read not too long ago about a email that was intercepted from a social worker to another that contained some inappropriate humor that caused a public outcry. While the things crisis counselors deal with is not a laughing matter, sometimes you have to see the humor in things. It’s similar to the whole idea of laughing instead of crying as you see the dark side of humanity over and over again. It’s the kind of job that has really high highs with lows that are just as dramatic. The ability to disconnect is so important in this kind of field and I think it’s the reason why there’s an abundance of impromptu happy hours between colleagues who work in the field. All that being said, it’s a fun but hard job and I honestly believe that to have longevity in this type of field you have to have a pretty effective way of taking care of yourself so that you don’t get burned out.
I’ve been left handed for as long as I can remember. It’s always been weird bumping elbows with people at the table and using scissors that are excruciatingly uncomfortable. The combination of being homeschooled AND left handed lent itself to the assumption many people made that I was smart. The jury is still out on that one but I must admit that being left handed requires you to think a lot more. You have to write really weirdly on spiral notebooks and judge distances when you are trying to navigate activities designed for righties. Let’s not forget how uncomfortable it is to sit at a right handed desk and actually take legible notes because you don’t have anywhere to put your elbows. The funny thing is that while I use utensils and write with my left hand, I do pretty much everything else with my right hand because it just comes more naturally. I don’t know that many left handed people and I remember reading stories as a kid of parents who forced their children to be right handed when they saw that they favored their other hand. I ran into this interesting article that talk about characteristics of left handed people and it was rather eye opening for me. I won’t comment on all of the assertions of the article but I will say that as a leftie who knows a few other lefties, I do think that we indeed do get angrier in certain stressful situations but I don’t know if that should be blamed on being left handed.
I ran into this article through Facebook and thought it was an interesting read. The definition of the “Z” man appeared to be something that most women would appreciate. People who have very strong personalities tend to have a harder time when their partners are equally stubborn. When both people can’t compromise it leads to a lot of challenges. The thing about this article is that it outlined qualities that are important in successful relationships across the board. My favorite one was number 8 “moving at the same speed.” I love that idea because there’s so much discussion about wanting to marry up. The chance to skip a socio-economic class and to be in a different income bracket. There’s nothing wrong with marrying up but I think that there’s something to be said for marrying across (as equals). There’s less of a power struggle and ideally the situation would encourage empathy from both partners. It was a thought provoking article.