I’m often asked by people how it is that I travel so much. The short answer is that I don’t. I’m not independently rich and I didn’t pick a profession that is known for big paychecks. Most of my days are spent working at a job that may or may not include weekends or regular hours. The only time I consistently post on social media is when I’m away from the mundane so naturally it appears that I go somewhere all the time. I was the girl who always wanted to travel growing up. I loved road trips and seeing new places. When my dad was on business trips he took the whole family along and we went all over the Southeast tagging behind him. I remember as a little girl always being fascinated by aviation. My first plane trip was when I was 17 years old and I was hooked. Traveling solo happened naturally when I took a leap of faith and decided to move across the country from Alabama to Denver. I was a senior in college and took a few days off to fly out and scope out the land. As I’ve grown older I’ve learned the importance of seeing new places. The world that we live in is progressively getting worse and sometimes you have to remind yourself that everything isn’t all bad all the time. Even if it’s just for a little bit. I’m due for another vacation soon and it can’t come fast enough.
I don’t rant very often. I make an intentional effort to not do my ranting on social media because I’ve seen personally how things posted in the heat of the moment can impact your future. Lately I’ve been doing some reminiscing. I wrote yesterday about the month of May and how it always makes me think. I’ve gone on some great trips and have some good staycations in the month of May. But that’s not what my post is about. I decided to once again try my hand at online dating because if I end up old and alone and I want to at least know that I tried. I’m hoping that it will be some small consolation to me in some way. Now that I’m a little more seasoned in the game (because it is a game), I can say that my optimism is still present but skepticism still reigns supreme. It’s literally the equivalent of going through a landfill in hopes of finding something (or someone) that you can dust off, take home, and live with. With this method you’re guaranteed to find some duds or shiny tokens that look like the real thing but aren’t. It’s annoying, frustrating, and hopeless at times. I’ve posted some of my dating stories and while they are hilarious, they all actually happened. I have to say that the most frustrating thing is getting ghosted. For those who aren’t aware of the concept, it means that someone just decides to stop returning messages and calls for no apparent reason and moves on with their life without you and without warning. You meet someone and realize that you have a lot in common with them. You make plans to meet up and then they completely flake without any explanation. This current dating culture absolutely sucks. There’s really no other way to categorize it. Funny how everyone wants to be different than the last person you met but without any knowledge of what the last person did, they do the EXACT same thing. Communication is a lost art. Ugh.
There’s something about the month of May that makes me reconsider my entire life. It’s like an internal check-in to evaluate how the year has gone up to this point. It’s also my half-birthday month–which is another reminder that I only have 6 months to go until I’m a year older. Last year around this time I was living in Atlanta and working in a job I didn’t really love. Needless to say, a lot has changed since then and I’m happy to say that I’ve had the chance to travel a bit more because that was one of the things I resolved to do last May. Since then I’ve traveled to Las Vegas, Mexico, Belize, Honduras, Spain, England, France, Italy, Monaco, and Malta. In addition to that I quit my job and moved across the country to California. It’s been eventful to say the least but I’ve learned a lot and have also acquired a new skill set. Working in a busy hospital and coordinating care will definitely have you learning a lot of new medical terminology that you didn’t learn in graduate school. I also decided to try my hand at teaching and am now facilitating a class of 16 graduate students in a weekly online class. It’s been challenging but fun so far. A lot of decisions were made last May and we’ll see what happens this year.
I’m always inspired by people who go after what they really want to do and who live life on their own terms. I’ve always had a love hate relationship with work. Don’t get me wrong I like helping people, but doing it constantly just drains me. And while I don’t have a bad attitude and I don’t snap at people when I’m tired, it’s just exhausting at times. Unfortunately human need isn’t confined to normal business hours and it’s hard for me to leave something without a sense of completeness. Working in the healthcare field adds another layer because there’s literally always something to be done. Even leaving after a long day of work means that there are still things that have to be done. Today I felt inspired as I received several phone calls from recruiters regarding open positions and I was strangely comforted as those phone calls reminded me that my job is definitely needed. I spoke to a colleague of mine who only takes one contract job per year and spends the rest of her time writing and doing talks on things that she’s passionate about. Having a purpose in life is so important and I think that it’s good to balance helping people with also taking care of yourself. I definitely need to do better.
Not too long ago I received a random phone call at work from someone claiming to be a distressed parent. I’ve learned to be cautious and not always trust who someone is over the phone because it literally could be anyone. This person when on to say that they had gone through the main number and had gotten transferred to me. Their teenaged child had had an accident and the supposed parent was trying to find out what happened. My suspicious were quickly awakened when I was told that the accident happened over two days ago. The parent was worried that their child had not returned home and wanted to know the outcome. One thing that stood out to me was the fact that this supposed parent had not heard from their child in over 48 hours and had not even tried to actually physically visit the area hospital to check on their child’s status or find out if they had been admitted. I’m not a parent but I can’t imagine not hearing from my child and knowing that they’re injured but not taking the time to physically visit them and find out from staff how they’re doing. But to each his or her own I suppose. There’s a high probability the person wasn’t who they claimed they were. But I’ll never know.
Earlier this week I had the chance to chat with a friend (I’m using this term loosely) that I catch up with about once a year. We usually meet up in person but schedules wouldn’t allow it so we had to settle for a video chat. Have you ever had a conversation with someone and there were SO many things left unsaid that the conversation just felt heavy? It was like that. I was cool and kept it as surface and general as possible without getting into anything too personal. Annual conversations aren’t the best outlet to bare your soul. But as I talked to him I remembered the memories we’ve had over the years. I remember a moment when we were hanging out and I felt both incredibly happy and incredibly sad at the same time. It was a bittersweet moment in exponential proportions. It’s interesting how conversations with someone can bring back so many memories. I realized that I haven’t met anyone lately who even remotely compares to him education wise and also in ambition. While it’s not a bad thing, it does make dating just a little bit harder. The point is that there are some people in your life who you love but you really should only speak to once a year.
I woke up this morning to an article that a friend sent to me asking me to read. You can read the article here. I feel like the author hit the nail on the head. As someone who tends to give a general disclaimer to romantic prospects that I can be intense, I could definitely relate to the author’s words. It’s like running a race and having a lot of false starts. It’s easy to get attached when you want to get attached and as a result it can be hard to discern clearly what exactly is happening. You get tired of being the only one there for you and you just want a companion. It can be a two edged sword because being too open too quickly can be a recipe for disaster while staying closed off means that the relationship will never grow. Balance is key.