Emotional Hostage

Relationships can be tricky things. There isn’t a “one size fits all” formula that will work everyone. People want someone who will complement them because opposites tend to attract and it’s hard to have a good discussion when someone agrees with you ALL the time. But sometimes a relationship can develop into something like a hostage situation. You’ve seen it. There’s the couple who are always fighting and are constantly breaking up and getting back together again. One partner is always trying to distance themselves but they can’t stay away.  The other person knows exactly what buttons to push and what to say in order to have the other partner cave in and stay with them as an emotional hostage. It’s a cycle of dysfunction that has become comfortable. While some people can end a relationship and remain friends, the best way to end an emotional hostage type of relationship is to stop having any contact with the person. Change your number, find a new hobby, move somewhere else, etc. It can absolutely be done but it takes effort, determination, and action to move on with your life and leave the dysfunction behind.

How to ruin your chance at finding love

I read this article and just HAD to share it. Definitely guilty of some of these things at one time or another and I’m sure a lot of people can relate. There’s so much truth to it. 

Assume that being independent and being in a relationship have to be two mutually exclusive things.

via 27 Ways To Sabotage Your Chances At Finding The Love Of Your Life — Thought Catalog

 

 

Holiday spirit 

I was really into the holidays when I was younger. Christmas meant carols,driving around to look at lights, and presents. It’s a time to be appreciative of what you have and remember that it can always be worse. I ran across an article this week that reminded me of my days working in hospice. You can read it here. Like the author, I have also had conversations with people who are terminally ill. Family has always been the number one topic. People don’t care about their houses or cars. They want to know that their families will be ok after they’re gone. It’s so important to appreciate the people around you who have made a positive contribution to your life. But also equally important to reach out to those who struggle during the season. While it’s a happy time for some, it’s also a living hell for others. Life can be unpredictable and messy but also beautiful. Happy Holidays 

Mentally Strong People

I ran into this article and found the title eye catching. You can read the article here. The term “mentally strong people” isn’t something that I’ve heard commonly used in any circles. The article had some great points and I liked number two the best, “They don’t give away their power.” Power is something that a lot of people have but never realize it or use it. Thus, they give their power away without knowing it. There’s books you can read about it (i.e. 48 Laws of Power). One way that I’ve seen people give up their power is by losing their cool in a situation that they don’t like. Stressful situations are never enjoyable but they get worse when people totally flip out over something that they can’t change in the moment. It’s at that point that you’ve lost control and it’s in those situations that people sometimes have to intervene and make choices for you. Coming from a background in mental health, that choice often meant putting someone in the hospital involuntarily. Needless to say, the article has some great points and I think that they all are true. But by the same token, it’s ok to not be mentally strong all the time and to seek assistance when you need it. Ignoring something doesn’t mean it goes away. Even if you are “mentally strong.”

Attraction at its finest 

Not too long ago the was an article circulating over social media written by a woman who said that she married a man she wasn’t attracted to and that it worked out in the end. You can read the actual article here. Naturally, the article generated a lot of conversation and many people insisted that it was something that they would never do. Almost everyone agrees that beauty can be fleeting. People change over the years and their bodies change with them. But as someone aptly put it, you don’t want to wake up every morning and have to die to self when you see your spouse’s face. It can be done, but it’s not ideal. In my limited experience I’ve found myself giving a guy a chance even when I didn’t find him in any way attractive. Hoping in some way that his other positive attributes would override the fact that he just wasn’t handsome to me. Epic fail. So I’m going to discontinue the practice. Not that I won’t be open anymore but an “absolutely not” is going to stay that way without all my internal criticism of being shallow and missing out. Everyone deserves a significant other who finds them attractive and it’s unfair to them to try to make something work that won’t. It’s not shallow to want to be with someone you’re attracted to but you have to remember that there are a lot of pretty ugly people out there (pretty on the outside and ugly on the inside). Looks can’t drive EVERYTHING but they do matter. 

What Your Girlfriend With Anxiety Wants, But Won’t Ever Ask For — Thought Catalog

@BYONELOVEShe wants your reassurance without you perceiving her as ‘needy’. She wants to hear you say you love her and that you’re not going anywhere. She wants your arms around her as you say it, showing her with your affection how much you care. She wants you to understand and not be annoyed when she…

via What Your Girlfriend With Anxiety Wants, But Won’t Ever Ask For — Thought Catalog

 

Without adding any snarky comments and making a generalization about “all” men out there, I will say that this sounds nice. It’s interesting how people who appear so self assured in other areas of their life can feel so unsettled and anxious within a relationship. I think that it’s because there’s something that is out of their control. It feels weird and different and naturally some anxiety ensues because you find yourself really self-doubting for the first time in a while. Great article