I tweeted earlier this week about how it was funny we tend to keep toxic people around because we’re familiar with them. I think that there’s so much to be said about the familiar and how much it influences our daily lives. I think that there are people we keep around solely because we know what to expect from them. We know that they will be unreliable, late, and unapologetic and we plan accordingly. Personally, I’m the kind of person who will put up with a lot. However, when I’m done dealing with it–after a few days or even a few years, it’s over. I do enough ensure that I’ve done what I could do and after that I walk away without looking back. There are people who stay around because they’re harmless once you realize that you can’t believe anything they say or count on them. Knowing this takes away the annoyance and frustration and you adjust accordingly. Needless to say, I prefer dealing with someone I know as opposed to someone I’m trying to figure out. Toxic people are less harmful (in my opinion) when you know how they function and you don’t expect anything from them. It’s when you start expecting qualities like loyalty, honesty, and trust that the problem starts.
I’m a Jill Scott fan from afar. I say that because while I like almost all her music, frequently play her Pandora station and listen to full albums on Amazon music, but I can’t name more than 3 of her songs off the top of my head. One of them is the one that I posted. It was my go-to during the months I worked night shift and I used to play it over and over. I don’t know how but her songs feel like a warm blanket on a cold day. They are genuine, transparent and capture the human experience with a lot of honesty. I got the chance to see Jill in concert over this weekend and she was great. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve become more of a fan of music that not only tells a story but also transmits the emotion of the artist. That’s why I love Jill. Her music is warm and friendly reminding you of a godmother or beloved aunt that’s being honest about her life and experiences with love.
I don’t typically post about INFJ stuff but I really liked this because it’s my personality type and it really resonates with me. I’m always so excited to meet a fellow INFJ because it can get lonely feeling like a walking contradiction all the time. Good stuff.
1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. 12. 13. 14. 15. 16. 17. 18. 19. 20. 21. 22. 23. 24. 25. 26. 27. 28. 29.
Twenty20, hmmessersmith 1. After you two hang out, he texts you to make sure that you got home safely. 2. He records the shows that he knows you can’t stand, so he can watch them after you leave and won’t miss out on any time with you. 3. If his phone beeps while you’re out on a date, he won’t even…
For some reason I’ve met a lot of people whose retirement plan consists of winning the lottery. Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s a nice dream to have but the odds aren’t the greatest. I remember reading an article somewhere that talked about how millennials don’t want to spend decades doing the same job like older generations did. I personally can’t imagine doing the same job consistently for over a year as I get bored easily but also like consistency. The truth of the matter is that it’s important to challenge yourself. I’ve started to get into the habit of doing something drastically different every once in a while. It’s amazing how much you can plan and implement when you take some time off and reflect. I like learning new skills that build on my existing knowledge base. While all my jobs haven’t been fun, they’ve taught me so much about myself. I love the idea of stability but I hate when it gets confused with monotony. Life is short and should be lived accordingly. Self-reflection and planning is critical for success. Take the time to do that instead of staying in reaction mode all the time.
One thing in life that is always inevitable is change. I remember imagining what I wanted to be when I grew up. I always imagined myself with stethoscope around my neck shouting orders in some emergency room as a trauma physician. Instead I ended up in mental health calming down psychotic people, explaining to parents why I was taking their child, and attempting to reason with psychiatrists. I worked in the mental health equivalent of the ER and found that I did enjoy it. It’s always been interesting to me how our life experiences can shape our perspectives and general outlook on life. If I had seen myself 5 years ago I would not have believed it. For me, the change happened once I was outside of the protective bubble of my family and the group of people who thought like me. It was eye opening to work with people who had a totally different set of beliefs and values than what I had been used to. There’s a lot of people who don’t agree with the traditional education system but it helped me to build my critical thinking skills. My post-graduate competency based program taught me how to conceptualize and justify every intervention that I did while doing therapy with clients. I think that it’s so important to be open minded. While I’m not saying that every varying perspective needs to be agreed with, I think that seeing something from another point of view is important.
Today was a rough day for me. It was also a rough day for a lot of people. I felt like I was on the verge of a full blown crying episode all day. I woke up to read about yet another senseless killing that should never have occurred. My social media page was inundated with the video of the man being murdered in cold blood by those who were supposed to protect him. I know my limits and I didn’t watch either of the videos that emerged from the incident. I read an article the other day about a man who got 15 years in prison for beating a puppy to death. It’s not easy to live in a place where justice can be served for the life of an animal but not for a black person. It’s a sobering reality that continues without any signs of stopping. We have a new hashtag, a new family that is grieving, but the same story. The truth is that black people have always been perceived as threats–even in times of slavery. There was a unanimous outcry on my timeline today for some sort of tangible action to happen. However, the vast majority calling for justice were those who had the skin color of the murdered man. I didn’t see any “allies” joining in. With all the talks of gun control in this country and the need for law abiding citizens to arm themselves against all enemies, foreign and domestic. maybe the first group of people we need to disarm is the police. It’s worked in other countries. This targeting of racial minorities and executing them needs to stop. It’s not about resisting arrest or feeling threatened, no one deserves a death sentence for selling CD’s.
I realized that I hadn’t posted in a while so I wanted to remedy that. After all, I’ve had this blog for the past three years or so and I’ve been pretty consistent in writing. One thing that I’ve written about multiple times is the inevitability of change. There is an unspoken guarantee that almost nothing will be consistent. I’ll be honest, I get bored easily. It bothers me to spend hours of time in mindless activity without something to hold my attention. I’m all about being aware of new opportunities because I hate the feeling of being trapped into something that could have been avoided. One thing that I’ve always said that I want to live abroad. I’ve visited several places overseas and I’ve always wanted the experience of staying for more than a few days at a time. I expressed this desire a few times to some friends of mine. A luck would have it, last week I was staring at a job offer letter to a position in Germany. It was such a surreal feeling to have what I said I wanted staring me back in the face. However, after some in-depth inquiry and some online research I came to the conclusion that it just wasn’t a great fit for me personally. As an adult, I’ve learned the importance of saying “no” to something when it doesn’t suit you. There are way too many people stuck in miserable situations because they said yes to something that ultimately wasn’t for them. It’s about keeping the big picture in mind and making small decisions that line up to that.
Gabi E. MulderTo the girls who go on dates after dates, looking for the “one”. For the women who hopelessly wait for the man of their dreams to show up at their door any second, and for the ones who feel miserable about themselves because they don’t have a significant other, life is so much…