Kelly Price put out a song by this particular name and in this song she describes being in a relationship with a man who is addictive. She knows that he’s toxic but she goes through withdrawals when she isn’t around him. I know a LOT of people in a similar situation. They are a self-proclaimed “himaholic” or a “heraholic.” (Definitely just made up a word). But honestly, some people are just addictive–whether it’s in a good way or a bad way. It’s like you get so invested in them that you can’t get yourself back and it gets really hard to separate the two. If there was ever a Himaholics Anonymous it would be full of the stories of woe from women who got caught in vicious cycles of believing that they would change someone and then realizing that they could not but still returning to him because he was addictive. I remember someone once telling me that every human being is attracted to dysfunction on some level. While I won’t debate the truth of this statement, I can honestly say that I’ve seen a lot of examples. Himaholics and heraholics do exist. They are our friends, family, and sometimes even ourselves. There is not a tried and true proven way to get out of a relationship that isn’t good for you. Sometimes you just have to go cold turkey and tough it out until the addictive cycle is over. Not necessarily the most comfortable choice, but definitely a good decision in the long run.
Monthly Archives: August 2013
The other side of lonely
Loneliness has been a companion for me during the past few years. Partly due to my personality and partly due to circumstances. It’s commonly thought one’s loneliest times occur in sadness and hardship. When you’re going though a lot and there’s not an encouraging word or a should to vent and cry on. As someone who has experienced this, I can attest to this feeling and it is indeed pretty darn lonely. However, there’s a different kind of loneliness that I experience from time to time. It’s not as easy to explain because the circumstances are different and it hurts differently. This loneliness occurs whenever I accomplish something or reach a milestone in my life. I actually had the distinct pleasure of experiencing it this past week. This particular type of loneliness stems not from sadness but from happiness. I’m 23 and I’ve been super super blessed/lucky/fortunate to be able to accomplish many of my professional goals. Bachelor’s,Master’s, Post-graduate, etc. But with each of these accomplishments I feel the absence of a significant other pretty acutely. A person who has seen all my hard work and can be happy for me with the informed perspective of someone who has witnessed the challenges I’ve faced on the way to get where I wanted. And while it genuinely sucks to feel the absence of something like that so acutely, I’ve almost gotten used to it. I say “almost” because its not something I’ll ever be ok with but it’s my life. While I do stay in my feelings at times, I also know how to self-regulate and pull myself out. A skill that’s probably due to countless hours of CBT class. I say all that to say that sometimes it’s harder being happier alone than it is being sad. At least in my experience.
The less you care
When I saw this picture I automatically thought of being a slave to the opinions of other people. I can think of countless people who have made bad decisions that weren’t right for them because they were worried about what others might think. Growing up, I wanted to be a doctor. I was never grossed out by blood and guts and I wanted to make a tangible difference in the lives of others. However, after a very rude awakening in my very first college level biology class, I decided that I was better suited for the social sciences. But I digress. My point is that it’s stupid to let what other people think of you dictate major life decisions. At the end of the day you can’t escape from you. The most successful people in life are those who don’t care what other people think. They take the road less traveled and they make no apologies for it. I heard someone say that in order to get what others won’t get, you have to do what others won’t do. And in order to do what you need to do, you have to realize that your actions won’t always make sense to other people. At the end of the day people will think and believe what they want to. Let them.
I think I’m the one
I’ve never been 100% down with the I’m-good-by-myself-and-I-don’t-need-a-man movement. However, I think that hanging your entire life on the idea that one day you’ll meet someone who fulfills your every want and need and will love you unconditionally forever is incredibly stupid. Notice I said ENTIRE life. We all have dreams and goals and having a significant other is likely to be one of them. I have heard numerous women talk about “him.” How “he” is going to find them and pay for everything, put them in a Benz or a Beamer, and love them. This picture made me laugh but also made me think at the same time. It’s important to know who you are and what you like. That way, if you get screwed over in a relationship and find yourself single again, you won’t have to start from scratch and re-find your identity. Just saying….
Strategic procrastination
I’m not going to lie, I can be lazy at times. I like to call it “strategic procrastination.” However, I agree with this picture because few good things come out of laziness. I think of laziness as doing absolutely nothing but strategic procrastination means that I just take a break and come back. Both require zero effort but only one is congruent with hard work and getting things done.
It’s not all right, but it’s ok
Many of us are waiting with baited breath for the day that our lives will be perfect. We eagerly anticipate an existence where no one annoys us and everything goes according to plan. Sometimes this thought is the only motivation we have. Trouble won’t last always is a philosophy we’ve eagerly adopted a means of coping with our current situation. One of the things I’ve noticed is that there’s so much emphasis on being positive that sometimes it’s hard to be realistic. Good days and bad days happen to everyone. Growth is always uncomfortable and adversity builds strength. When someone first starts to work out with weights, they usually start with smaller weights and eventually work their way up to larger ones. Life isn’t like that. It involves ups and downs without a set routine. As I’m doing some self reflection, I’m realizing that I need to be ok with where I am in life because its a part of something bigger. I can’t expect everything to go my way all the time. Sometimes I’m just going to have to roll with the punches and take it because I know that it’s making me a stronger person regardless of how I feel. After all, it’s not all right, but it’s ok.
Accepting the inevitable
One of my Instagram friends posted this picture and it really made me think. My first thought was that I agreed with the saying but I didn’t know why. One of the thoughts that came to my head was the fact that people who are intelligent and/or have a big heart are often misunderstood. They are either disregarded or taken advantage of because of who they are. While there are positive aspects of being intelligent and having a deep heart, I think that there is a higher level of responsibility that comes along with these traits. It’s easy for people to put you on a pedestal or assume that you’ll do something because of your big heart. These same people are then some of the first to point fingers because you didn’t live up to their expectations. But that’s just my two cents… What do you think about the statement? Is it true?
