For some reason I’ve met a lot of people whose retirement plan consists of winning the lottery. Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s a nice dream to have but the odds aren’t the greatest. I remember reading an article somewhere that talked about how millennials don’t want to spend decades doing the same job like older generations did. I personally can’t imagine doing the same job consistently for over a year as I get bored easily but also like consistency. The truth of the matter is that it’s important to challenge yourself. I’ve started to get into the habit of doing something drastically different every once in a while. It’s amazing how much you can plan and implement when you take some time off and reflect. I like learning new skills that build on my existing knowledge base. While all my jobs haven’t been fun, they’ve taught me so much about myself. I love the idea of stability but I hate when it gets confused with monotony. Life is short and should be lived accordingly. Self-reflection and planning is critical for success. Take the time to do that instead of staying in reaction mode all the time.
Category Archives: Advice
To My Fellow Women, Life Isn’t Just About Finding A Boyfriend — Thought Catalog
Gabi E. MulderTo the girls who go on dates after dates, looking for the “one”. For the women who hopelessly wait for the man of their dreams to show up at their door any second, and for the ones who feel miserable about themselves because they don’t have a significant other, life is so much…
via To My Fellow Women, Life Isn’t Just About Finding A Boyfriend — Thought Catalog
The state of dating today
I read an article this morning that pretty much sums up the current climate today on the dating front. You can read it here. To sum it up, everything is ambivalent with both individuals not wanting to feel needy or clingy. There are multiple unspoken rules and no one is willing to pick up the phone and have an actual conversation. I’m going to stop ranting now. Read the article.
Proving you’re loyal
I recently ran across an article that caught my attention. I follow the writer on some of my social media sites and I usually agree with a lot of what he says. I immediately shared the link with a friend of mine who also tends to share a lot of my viewpoints and she agreed 100% with the writer. You can read the article here. First off, I want to say that I really like the writer’s “tell it as it is/no nonsense” approach. The basic assertion of the article is that women need to stop being loyal while they’re in the beginning stages of a relationship in order to “prove” that they have the capability to be monogamous in a relationship. These days there are so many additional nuances to the dating process. It used to be a lot simpler. You were either with someone or you weren’t. Now we have the “talking stage” which is a sort of a dating purgatory or holding period without anything really being defined. This isn’t to be confused with the “friends with benefits” stage where it can get messy if/when emotions get involved and there isn’t always a clear definition of what exactly it means. The writer of the article specifically addresses women who immediately cut off all other options because they’re currently in the talking stage with someone. I know some women who date online and hide their online profile when they start talking to someone so that they don’t have to deal with other interested guys. It’s a nice thought but in the world we live in today, that’s too much of a gamble in my opinion. You can’t afford to put all your eggs in one basket when you initially start talking to someone. If a guy wants to commit he will. Jumping through hoops and forsaking all others too early in the game is one of the quickest ways to get burnt. You get too emotionally invested too soon without being able to tell if the feeling is actually mutual. It’s a recipe for failure. Don’t paint yourself into a corner. You always want to have options until you don’t need them anymore.
The tendency to overthink
Recently I had a very long conversation with a friend of mine regarding a similar experience we were having. Don’t get my wrong, I’m glad that I chose my particular career path. Social work/counseling is a good fit for my personality and I genuinely enjoy helping others. However, one sees things in a totally different light when you’ve studied human interactions and behaviors from an academic point of view. When you’ve met with hundreds and talked at length about their personal challenges and relationship woes. The way you perceive the world around you changes when perfect strangers feel comfortable walking up to you and sharing details about the personal life and current problem because (apparently) you have the “trust me I’m a therapist/safe person” face. One thing my friend and I discussed was how hard (somewhat impossible) it is to separate professional knowledge from actual emotion in personal relationships. As a therapist you question everything. One’s hidden motives, past history, emotions, and body language to come to a conclusion on the best course of action to help them. I think that’s one of the reasons it’s so hard to take anything at face value in personal relationships and the tendency can be to overthink. If overthinking was a professional sport, I would be a pro. I love connecting the dots and making sense of complicated and complex information. It’s a great professional skill to have, but using a professional skill for personal use definitely has a downside. I think it comes down to taking it a day at a time and becoming okay with not knowing all the information up front. Which, by the way, can be very frustrating but also necessary to cultivate a healthy balance.
Single and supportive
Like many people, I often find myself annoyed when I’m added to groups on social media without my consent. Usually it’s a subject matter I’m not particularly interested in and serves no real purpose to my daily life. Not too long ago I saw a post from one of the groups that I had been inadvertently added to. The group was specifically for single women and someone apparently thought that I could benefit in some way from the content. Let me make a quick side note. There are some people who flaunt their singleness like a badge of honor telling any and everyone how happy they are to not be “tied down” to another person. Good for them but it’s not my thing. But I digress. In the group one of the administrators had posed a question asking how the members in the group were doing in their current state of singleness. The typical responses were extremely positive with respondents saying that they were having the best times of their life and that they were working on themselves and actively pursuing their spiritual path. However, one post from a member stood out in stark contrast to the others. This lady kept it 100 and basically said that the single life (for her) sucked and that it was lonely. Almost immediately the replies from other members started coming in. They chastised her for being lonely and said that she needed more prayer, and church attendance because something was wrong with her. The pettiness came out full force with accusations of bringing the group down and “focusing on the negative.” It was sad that the supposed purpose of the group was to be supportive of single women but quickly became a group of bullies after someone honestly shared how they were feeling. I don’t know what the moral of this story is but I’ll just say that if you join a support group just first make sure they are actually supportive. Or, develop a support system of real people who won’t jump down your throat when you’re honest about your feelings.
2015 Lessons
As I’ve said in a previous post, it’s so hard to believe that the end of the year is once again upon us. This year has brought an abundance of life lessons that I didn’t quite plan on learning. I’ve included below the top 5.
- Everything isn’t always as it seems-sometimes you have to take the time to dig beneath the surface and find out what’s really going on instead of blindly accepting someone’s explanation.
- Comfort zones are great for people who don’t have a sense of adventure and don’t want to go anywhere in life.
- There are some opportunities that only come once so carefully (and I mean carefully) think about the ones you turn down for whatever reason.
- There are times in life that you have make uncomfortable decisions in the present that your future self will thank you for making in the future.
- There are some things and experiences that you’ll never experience until you travel outside the country and go off the beaten tourist path.
Travel Reflections
I just got back from an international trip and had an awesome time. It’s always humbling and eye opening to see how people live on other parts of the planet. Aside from a few moments of genuine anxiety and heart racing panic about missing the flight home and being stuck in an airport in Turkey, the trip was a success. We had a great travel agency, met a lot of fellow travelers, and enjoyed some amazing food. A few things I learned: 1. Travel lightly–hauling a 40lb suitcase plus a duffle bag was hard and I didn’t need everything I brought.
2. Don’t be obnoxious– whenever I heard someone complaining loudly or whining 9 times out of 10 they were American. It’s embarrassing and gives Americans a bad reputation.
3. Get off the beaten path. Ironically the BEST Chinese food I’ve had in my life was at a small restaurant on a Greek island.
4. Talk to the locals. Some of the best suggestions and fun I’ve had has been the result of a local recommendation.
5. Make the most of the experience. Do as much as possible but spend your time wisely. You’ll still be just as jetlagged when you return home.
An “if”
I feel that I’m due for another post and while I have been consistent with writing in the past, sometimes it’s almost impossibly hard to translate my chaotic thoughts into something coherent. But I’m going to try. I’ve come to the realization that most people live with a set of “ifs” or “what ifs.” It’s that feeling where you just KNOW that things would be different IF distance wasn’t a factor, IF money wasn’t an issue, IF you had made a better decision. The list goes on and on. Sometimes that “if” is a person. I’ve seen the look of regret on the faces of many older adults as they’ve lamented on losing their first love or a painful goodbye that they never fully got over. I say all that to say that sometimes you have to know exactly what you want—even if it’s a big thing, and work backwards. You can eliminate a few “ifs” IF you are willing to make huge decisions that are uncomfortable in the present but lay the foundation for a better future.
Selling stuff
Selling things has never been one of my favorite activities. Growing up we had a homeschool business. It was supposed to teach us responsibility and how to run a business. The idea was my mother’s. Granted, the business was never something I cared for and I often found that it was more trouble than it was worth. Fast forward to my life after high school. Finishing at age 17 caused me to evaluate my life. I decided to take some time off and enroll at a community college for a few classes before going away to college. During this period of time I decided to get a job. So I found one selling knives. It wasn’t a bad job for people who are naturally a bit more extroverted or have the gift of gab. I had neither. The job involved going to various houses and demonstrating the product and taking orders. While I didn’t care for it, I did sell several thousand dollars worth of knives. It wasn’t a horrible experience but definitely a reminder that selling knives was not my calling in life. Neither was cold calling people asking to come into their homes for a demonstration. But I survived the experience and vowed to never ever sell anything again. As I’ve gotten a little older I’ve come to realize that so much in life depends on the way that you can sell yourself. While you don’t have to be cocky, there’s a way to communicate that you have the knowledge and skillset to complete a task. I think that’s why first impressions are so important. Once that happens, it’s a lot more difficult to challenge perceptions of you that have already been formed by that first impression. I think that’s why it can be good to cultivate the appearance of a calm demeanor. People want a calm person around them because it feels emotionally safe as opposed to someone who is frantic all the time.
Alisha's Angle 