If there’s one thing I’ve heard a lot recently, it’s the fact that it is getting increasingly hard to date. People are getting frustrated with the lack of responses and running into people who have different expectations of communication and relationship. As someone who met my (4 years and counting) current partner through an app, I wanted to contribute to the solution instead of the problem and I wrote an ebook about it. While it’s geared towards people who identify as female, I think I may also do one to help people who identify as male. Writing is something that doesn’t exactly come easy but it’s a rewarding discipline that I’m hoping to be more consistent with this year. Hopefully, this is the first of many literary adventures to come. Maybe I’ll try my hand in creating some fiction based around my very non-traditional childhood. But I digress. Check out my ebook here and let me know what you think!
I saw the picture below recently and I have to say how accurate it is with the recent events of all the protests and the focus on police brutality. Many organizations and companies have pledged to financial support various initiatives related to supporting Black people but I can’t help but wonder how many dollars will actually impact them directly instead of being eaten up in “administrative costs.” Showing solidarity and support is suddenly the cool thing to do and while it’s nice I wonder if there will be any lasting and impactful change made. Honestly, I doubt it.
I have to say that this previous week has been pretty stressful as it’s been a huge change in the daily routine that I have gotten used to. I’m normally someone who can adapt quickly but the absence of afternoon naps was really difficult. I found it hard to catch up on sleep and as a result I did not feel rested. I encountered some difficult news and also had an realization that was difficult to process. Disappointment is a part of life and sometimes it just can’t be anticipated. Things change unexpectedly without warning and we have to roll with the punches. I’m finding that experiencing multiple disappointments does not make each one any easier to handle. There is always the process of finding a way to make peace with the new normal or the new circumstance. You have results or an ending that you did not anticipate and you have to create a different plan because things have changed. It’s rough because in some ways you have to mourn the ending that you wanted but never received while recognizing the need to change priorities and focus. I think that there’s also a certain level of annoyance and frustration that accompanies disappointment because of the sheer inconvenience of having to make an unplanned adjustment. However, it’s one of those things that are unavoidable. How we respond to these disappointments says a lot about our resiliency and ability to adapt. But it’s a tough place to be in.
I don’t rant very often. I make an intentional effort to not do my ranting on social media because I’ve seen personally how things posted in the heat of the moment can impact your future. Lately I’ve been doing some reminiscing. I wrote yesterday about the month of May and how it always makes me think. I’ve gone on some great trips and have some good staycations in the month of May. But that’s not what my post is about. I decided to once again try my hand at online dating because if I end up old and alone and I want to at least know that I tried. I’m hoping that it will be some small consolation to me in some way. Now that I’m a little more seasoned in the game (because it is a game), I can say that my optimism is still present but skepticism still reigns supreme. It’s literally the equivalent of going through a landfill in hopes of finding something (or someone) that you can dust off, take home, and live with. With this method you’re guaranteed to find some duds or shiny tokens that look like the real thing but aren’t. It’s annoying, frustrating, and hopeless at times. I’ve posted some of my dating stories and while they are hilarious, they all actually happened. I have to say that the most frustrating thing is getting ghosted. For those who aren’t aware of the concept, it means that someone just decides to stop returning messages and calls for no apparent reason and moves on with their life without you and without warning. You meet someone and realize that you have a lot in common with them. You make plans to meet up and then they completely flake without any explanation. This current dating culture absolutely sucks. There’s really no other way to categorize it. Funny how everyone wants to be different than the last person you met but without any knowledge of what the last person did, they do the EXACT same thing. Communication is a lost art. Ugh.
Like many people, I have to say that this presidential race isn’t anything like it was in 2012. I’ve never been very involved in politics but over the past year I’ve learned a little more about political systems and the importance of being aware and involved in what’s going on on a local level. That being said, this upcoming election is one that is especially impactful and has the possibility of some long term ramifications. Apart from all the rumors going around, I haven’t taken the time to read about the platform of each individual candidate. In a perfect world I would pick the candidate whose platform is in congruence with my values and perspective. There’s been some discussion around voting and if it really counts. And if you know anything about the electoral college, you know that there’s an additional step that allows a select few to actually chose a leader. Needless to say, so far I’m not a huge fan of either candidate. I’ve identified one whose views seem most contrary to my own but haven’t done my own research on all the details. It’s easy to have an opinion when you don’t have all the information; and I need my choice to be informed by facts and not just what has been put out there by the media because everyone has an agenda. I don’t know if there’s a such thing as “unbiased” when it comes to pushing your own perspective forward. I think that this election would qualify as a defining moment for the country. It would be nice if progress could actually happen instead of a bunch of empty promises and the perpetuation of discrimination and racism that has been alive and well for centuries. But I’m not going to hold my breath.
I read an article this morning that pretty much sums up the current climate today on the dating front. You can read it here. To sum it up, everything is ambivalent with both individuals not wanting to feel needy or clingy. There are multiple unspoken rules and no one is willing to pick up the phone and have an actual conversation. I’m going to stop ranting now. Read the article.
During my work career I’ve worked with the elderly and those with terminal illnesses. One common theme is that many of them have regrets. These regrets range from something as significant as getting married to something as trivial as having dessert before their actual meal. Many of my patients would talk for hours about what they wished could have been. They wanted a different life but reality and circumstances interfered with their plans. Even though I’m decades younger I still think about how my life could’ve been different if I had made different decisions. While I’m not extremely disappointed in my decisions up to this point, I could probably be at a different place in my life if I made other decisions. More recently I’ve found myself asking this question once again. It’s not a regret and I would call it a wish of sorts. I wish that although the world is small it was a bit smaller in a way that would allow me to pursue an opportunity. I’m not usually extremely disappointed in missed opportunities because it’s a part of the human experience and I am usually able to put that information in perspective. I guess this opportunity was different because it really felt like a once in a lifetime opportunity without any chance of it reappearing again. It’s almost as if fate has a mind of its own. Circumstances keep us from what we would truly want in an ideal existence. But that’s not the world we live in. Our lives aren’t perfect and we don’t live in a happily ever after movie. Sometimes we won’t be able to capitalize on opportunities regardless of how much we want to. I think those kind of disappointments are the kind that stay with you for years after the actual event. They color your world and you wouldn’t be who you are without them. Fate is fate and sometimes that can’t be changed.
I really hate lectures. Being homeschooled forced me to cultivate a very active imagination. As a result, I find it extremely easy to zone out when I’m bored. Daydreaming comes very easily to me and can be a welcome distraction from a monotone voice droning on about things I don’t care about or already know. I really dislike when a short attention span is blamed on the current generation or the fact that we are used to instant gratification. The fact of a matter is that if you’re a boring speaker, it doesn’t matter if I’m 80 or 8. I’m still going to be bored. In the world that we live in, there really no excuse for having a dry and boring lecture with the purpose of communicating some important information. We have been blessed with the privilege of visual aids that can help us get our point across without boring people to death. The problem with lectures is that you often feel as if you are being talked down to. While this is something that is somewhat expected in an educational setting, I can’t stand it in peer to peer settings. While I am someone who doesn’t believe in flaunting my education and my accomplishments, I also feel that I didn’t spend $100,000 for some letters behind my name to listen to someone who is talking down to me and is also boring at the same time. It’s pointless. Along with this category are people who have been put in a position of power who didn’t earn it and then now feel that they are entitled to share their opinion as if it were fact and that their age, class, socioeconomic position, or gender makes it (their opinion) valid. Dry lectures have to be one of the biggest wastes of time and energy ever. That being said, the ability to convey information and communicate clearly is a gift. A gift that I appreciate. Especially after being stuck in a dry, boring, and lifeless lecture.