Tag Archives: experience

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The New Lonely

I saw this article and just HAD to share it. I completely agree with this author. But I think that it’s hard to connect with people when it’s something that is so rarely done. It’s hard to have a genuine and vulnerable conversation with people these days. There are times in your life when you want an actual physical person there to witness events. As great as it is to have a text or phone call or facebook message, there’s no true substitute for face to face interaction. 

Eugenio MarongiuIt’s a weekday evening and you’re feeling restless. You’re texting friends and you’re watching Netflix and you’re on your laptop and you’re scrolling through Tumblr or Facebook or Instagram or Twitter. Your attention is in ten different directions, yet there’s a tug, a tiny voice in the back of your mind. It asks: what…

via This Is The New Loneliness — Thought Catalog

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Just a small rant

I have a small rant tonight. Like many people, I tend to become annoyed when there is something that I don’t fully understand. I had something happen a few months back that annoyed but also puzzled me. Guess I should start from the beginning. So about 4 years ago when I decided to give online dating a real chance, I met this guy. I was using one of the more popular sites and his profile popped up. He messaged and we talked for bit. Nothing serious. He lived across the country and we chatted about our world views. We skyped once for a few minutes because I wanted to verify who he was. We had some very marked differences in perspectives but got along fairly well. For the next few years we messaged each other occasionally. He always started the conversations and we would chat about different things. Again, nothing serious. He was pretty much cemented into the friendzone and seemed ok. Earlier this year he started messaging me more. Again, non-serious conversations. Surface stuff about his current job and how he’s trying to finish up his last few classes in college. He mentioned driving over and hanging out for the weekend. We compared schedules and picked a weekend. Living the life that I live, I had a very strong hunch that he wasn’t really serious. So the weekend came and he cancelled last minute saying “something came up.” I wasn’t upset because I already had stuff planned based on the assumption that he would flake. Crisis averted. So he kept messaging me with small talk. Then out the blue the guy asked me when we would actually meet in person. I have to admit that it caught me a little off guard since the last attempt had been a bust. But I asked specifically why we needed to meet in person. He replied that we would find out if we had chemistry. At this point, I knew I had to be pretty clear. I pointed out the fact that we had been in contact for the past 3 years and he had never actually had a phone conversation with me. We skyped for a few minutes but for the most part our interactions were all online. At that point it seemed clear to me that we didn’t have any chemistry. I’m just not a fan of wasting my time—especially when it involves 3 hours of driving and gas. But I guess it was a blow he could not recover from and he immediately blocked and deleted me on social media. I thought it was a childlike action but we all deal with disappointment in different ways. Maybe he had been trying to get up the courage to make a move for a while and then I just shut him down.  But the truth is that it is better to be honest initially than to go back and explain that you did something because you didn’t want his feelings to get hurt. I hate crushing hopes and dreams but you need to make an actual move in a time period of 3 years. What ever happened to men actually putting some effort into something instead of just assuming that you wanted to spend time with them? Oh well.. another one bites the dust.

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Pretty much my entire life in an article

LookCatalog.comDating sucks in general, but it’s even worse when you’re the type of girl who acts like she doesn’t give a fuck when she’s secretly a soft, sensitive soul. You can’t keep up the charade forever. Well, you can, but it’s going to make your dating life much harder than it has to be. Men hurt you without even…

via Why Dating Sucks When You Act Like You Don’t Give AF But Are Secretly Sensitive — Thought Catalog

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The state of dating today 

I read an article this morning that pretty much sums up the current climate today on the dating front. You can read it here. To sum it up, everything is ambivalent with both individuals not wanting to feel needy or clingy. There are multiple unspoken rules and no one is willing to pick up the phone and have an actual conversation. I’m going to stop ranting now. Read the article. 

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The Hair Chronicles

Like many black women, I have a love-hate relationship with my hair. It really tends to have a mind of its own and rarely submits to my commands. These days there’s a lot of hype on embracing one’s natural beauty and avoiding chemicals in order to leave hair in its natural state. About a year or so ago my hair was very damaged and required a hairdresser intervention. She gave me a protective style in order to help my hair to grow back. I’ve always had very thick hair that was challenging to manage. Growing up, my mother used a relaxer on it for a few years and then changed her mind deciding that I needed to go natural. It was ok for a few years. I didn’t look my age because of the cornrows but I really didn’t care that much because we lived in the middle of nowhere (literally) with no boys in sight for miles. However, after moving to the Atlanta metro area I decided it was time for a change and (finally) my dad backed me up in getting my hair relaxed again so it would be easier to style. Fast forward two days ago when I finally took my hair out of the protective style that it had been in for over a year. My hair was completely chemical free. I washed and dried it about 3 times in an attempt to get it to the point that I could comb through it. I broke several combs in the process and still was unable to get through all the tangles. It literally would not cooperate and I decided that I needed to see an expert. Once at the hairshop I had a brief consultation with my stylist who took one look at my hair and recommended putting a relaxer back in. As much as I liked the idea of being chemical free, the day to day upkeep of it was a commitment that I just was not willing to make. So I agreed and I am now back on the creamy crack. I can comb through my hair and now I can swim and workout without altering my entire day. It’s a beautiful thing. Will I ever go natural again? To be honest, probably not.

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Song memories 

This past week I had the opportunity to attend the concert of a singer I really appreciate. Working a traditional schedule makes being out late on work nights a challenge because of the consistent early mornings. However, it was something that I really wanted to do and none of his subsequent tour dates coincided with my travels. So I went and had a good time. I had listened to this particular artist for most of my life and it was great to be at a concert where I knew all the songs. While I sat up in the rafters (literally) I could see everything and had a great view of the stage. It always amazes me how easy it is to have specific memories whether good or bad to be associated with a song. Whenever you hear a certain song you can be transported to years prior and remember all the emotions connected to a specific memory. When I worked in a nursing home I remember how much music time meant to the residents because it brought back memories of their younger years. It wasn’t uncommon to see a few tears shed as they reminisced about the “good old days.” One of the reasons why I think music therapy can be so effective for people is that it really is a universal language that conveys the human experience in a way that everyone can relate to. 

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Figuring it out

I’ve loved seeing all the typical resolutions that have been flying around social media around this time of year. Everyone wants to be better, nicer, kinder, and thinner. It’s almost 10 days into the new year and I don’t have a nice organized list of all the things I want to accomplish. I am very aware that my lack of planning might end in a disaster and I don’t believe in planning as I go so something has to change. I’m still getting my bearings in the new location and making decisions regarding what I feel is the best use of my time. One thing that has been nice is the downtime I’ve had–which really hasn’t occurred at any point in my professional career. However, it’s time to evaluate again and make some decisions and put it on paper (or rather on my iPhone) so I can actually land among the stars while shooting for the moon.

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Game Day

A few months ago I had the opportunity to attend a college football game. To be completely honest, I still don’t know all the rules of the game but it’s still fun to watch. The game was held in a city I consider to be my hometown of sorts. I lived there for 8 years as a kid. I remember all the traffic because of the people in town for game day, but never attended myself as a kid so I went back a decade later for the experience. The first thing that shocked me were the hotel prices that were hiked up several hundred dollars per night on a game weekend. Thankfully, I had a more reasonable option. On the day of the game I rode into the general vicinity with a friend and it was a sight to see. Thousands of people flooding into the stadium all wearing a combination of the same colors. Tailgating was quite popular as well. People seemed to be in a very happy mood and the only acceptable greeting was “Roll Tide.” The game chants began on the walk into the stadium and echoed into the stands. Normally, I spend extra to get decent seats at sporting events, but this time I decided to forgo my usual practice and sat up in the “rafters.” You could still see, but a misstep would be guaranteed death because of the height if you fell. There were people all dressed up in heels and dresses and some just opted for jeans and a shirt. Everyone was united on a common purpose–cheering the team on to victory. The beginning of the game was a huge production with entertainment provided by the band. The game itself was nothing short of an experience to watch. The home team was obviously better and we won without the opposing team scoring any points. I thought of the fact that a lot of people attend weekly religious services without meeting the person sitting next to them. However, it’s easy to have a running conversation about the game with all the people around you. Despite the sunshine being unusually warm, everyone seemed genuinely happy to be at the game. I can’t wait to experience it again. 

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Millennials on the job

I found this great article that I thought was especially relevant. You can read it here. I’ve have a variety of work experiences in my limited years of officially being in the workforce. One of the first things I discovered is that it’s nowhere as glamorous as the TV shows make it out to be. Yeah, it’s nice to be able to pay bills on time but in reality the day to day grind is typically pretty stressful. The author in this post asserts that it’s ok to get personal on the job. I agree to some extent because I know people who consider their coworkers to be extensions of their own family. It’s refreshing to work with a group of people you know well. However, it’s also nice to not feel obligated to invite your coworkers to events like your birthday party or wedding and be pleasant without sharing every detail of your life with those who work with you. The author of this article also mentions poor performance and culture as one of the reasons that millennials are frustrated. I think that a lot of people in my age bracket are realizing that having a job isn’t really all that it’s cracked up to be. Waking up at an ungodly hour on a Monday morning to slave away for the next 8 hours and then repeat for the next 4 days in a roll isn’t exactly the definition of having a good quality of life. Unlike many of the generations before me, I can’t imagine spending 40 years or more in the same position. Many young adults are more focused on doing something that makes an actual difference in the world instead of just clocking in. It’s more about the journey than the end goal (retirement) these days.

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Marrying Up

I want to marry a rich man at some point in my life. I respect the people who say that money isn’t everything in life and I agree. However, I don’t want money (lack of it) to be an issue in my marriage. I think that relationships have enough stressors without financial ones. Money doesn’t solve all problems but at least it gives you a head start. If I have kids I want to be able to give them a better life than I had. While I didn’t grow up in poverty and my family was middle class, I always wondered what life would look like if we were better off. I recognize that there are sacrifices made when you are with a man who is ambitious and rich. Whether it means turning a blind eye to his wandering one or being the primary caregiver of the kids and the house. Life is never good 100% of the time and each family has their own challenges. I appreciate spontaneity but at the end of the day I want a partner who is stable and financially secure. This doesn’t mean that I want to be solely financially dependent on someone else but it does mean that I like the idea of someone else having my back if I need it. No, I’m not going to marry someone because of their bank account but their ability to provide will be taken into consideration. Not being “rich” is definitely not a deal-breaker because there are things in life that matter more than money at the end of the day.