Tag Archives: wishes

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The end of things

Unsplash/ John Schnobrich1. You got your hopes up. This almost lover of yours seemed like a dreamboat at one point — they were kind, thoughtful, adorable, and funny. You couldn’t help but hope they’d stick around and stay in your life for a long time. Inevitable devastation set in when your hopes were smashed. 2.…

via 14 Heartbreaking Things That Happen When Your Almost Relationship Ends — Thought Catalog

Each and every one of these 14 things is accurate. As a therapist, I frequently process the breakups of romantic relationships with my clients and we discuss some of the feelings that come along with a dissolution of a relationship–or an almost relationship. The culture that we live in seems to be nonchalant and you aren’t ever supposed to act like you’re hurt or show vulnerability so that you don’t appear “needy” to the other person. The end of an almost relationship can hurt as much as a real one because you’re also mourning the loss of possibilities. It can be a really uncomfortable time. As someone who has had this experience countless times, I can say that it doesn’t get easier but time helps in moving past it and achieving some closure.

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Getting attached easily

I woke up this morning to an article that a friend sent to me asking me to read. You can read the article here. I feel like the author hit the nail on the head. As someone who tends to give a general disclaimer to romantic prospects that I can be intense, I could definitely relate to the author’s words. It’s like running a race and having a lot of false starts. It’s easy to get attached when you want to get attached and as a result it can be hard to discern clearly what exactly is happening. You get tired of being the only one there for you and you just want a companion. It can be a two edged sword because being too open too quickly can be a recipe for disaster while staying closed off means that the relationship will never grow. Balance is key.

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Marrying Up

I want to marry a rich man at some point in my life. I respect the people who say that money isn’t everything in life and I agree. However, I don’t want money (lack of it) to be an issue in my marriage. I think that relationships have enough stressors without financial ones. Money doesn’t solve all problems but at least it gives you a head start. If I have kids I want to be able to give them a better life than I had. While I didn’t grow up in poverty and my family was middle class, I always wondered what life would look like if we were better off. I recognize that there are sacrifices made when you are with a man who is ambitious and rich. Whether it means turning a blind eye to his wandering one or being the primary caregiver of the kids and the house. Life is never good 100% of the time and each family has their own challenges. I appreciate spontaneity but at the end of the day I want a partner who is stable and financially secure. This doesn’t mean that I want to be solely financially dependent on someone else but it does mean that I like the idea of someone else having my back if I need it. No, I’m not going to marry someone because of their bank account but their ability to provide will be taken into consideration. Not being “rich” is definitely not a deal-breaker because there are things in life that matter more than money at the end of the day.

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Secret Wishes

I ran into this article through the course of my internet surfing and found it to be (somewhat) fairly accurate as far as my own experience and from discussions from other people in my age bracket. You can read it here. I agreed with a lot of the things that the author wrote about. After all, your dog isn’t going to let you know how much he enjoyed your cooking. An example of this is the fact that I made an awesome lemon pie the other day and my dog loved it. While the article wasn’t all inclusive there were some very valid points that were made. Granted, I think that a lot of the things listed tend to be hidden behind a certain facade of having a great life. But then again, that’s nothing new and it happens with both men and women all the time.

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Car Envy

I love cars. I don’t necessarily always concern myself with all the details of the engine strength and how many horsepower they have, but I definitely love the style, speed, and sleekness of certain cars. This appreciation comes by way of my dad who likes cars as well. Growing up, we took hundreds of road trips and car-watching was one of the many pastimes we did in order to use up time. Many a time my dad would say “look at that car, it’s sharp,” as we would be speeding past it–courtesy of his heavy foot and a really good radar detector.

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As I’ve grown older, I’ve developed an appreciation for guys that drive decent cars. I’ve had to remind myself many times that I need to care more about what drives the man than what the man drives. Easier said than done, but possible. There’s just something to be said about a nice looking person driving a nice looking car.

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When I see these absolutely gorgeous cars I always ask myself if I would buy one. The spontaneous part of my definitely would because it would be nice to actually enjoy driving and to be comfortable while going from point A to point B. However, the reasonable and logical side of me argues that a car is a liability. Period. You never make money off of buying a car. A house can increase in value, but a car doesn’t. However, there’s the added bonus of the fact that I drive a car with a manual transmission so that skill would make the experience of owning a manual transmission luxury vehicle even that much more amazing. But I have to remember that buying a car means that the money for its upkeep and maintenance is coming out of my own pocket.  Therefore, buying a nice, stylish, decent car without having all my ducks lined up in a row may not be the smartest decision ever made.

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So, I’ve put my car buying dreams on hold until I can both afford and enjoy it without mentally kicking myself about the monthly payments I agreed to. All in good time….