I have to admit that I’m not a huge fan of dating. It can be tough to find genuine people. The irony of my life is the fact that I know a good amount of eligible people but they don’t want to date me. Such is life. I’ve decided that there are three things that pretty much capture characteristics of the person I’d like to run into one day. Consistency, Communication, and Chemistry. I know that part of adulthood is having responsibilities to fulfill and that everyone isn’t by their phone all the time. However, it shouldn’t take hours upon hours to respond to text messages. Phone calls are still a good thing. Communication is one of those things that you really can’t go without if you want to get your relationship off the ground. Everyone has a different way of communicating but there needs to be clear expectations. Constantly guessing and playing it by ear gets old really quick. Chemistry is one of those really important things because it’s something that really can’t be manufactured. Sure, there are people who become attracted to each other but sometimes you just know that there is no way that chemistry is present. It doesn’t mean that there’s something wrong, it just means that two people aren’t compatible. The funny thing is that the more grounded that I’ve become, the easier it is to identify bullshit from miles away. My radar has definitely improved and it’s made me more appreciative of the short and brief moments where I’ve gotten the opportunity to interact with individuals that have those characteristics. Maybe one day the consistency thing will kick in.
I have a small rant tonight. Like many people, I tend to become annoyed when there is something that I don’t fully understand. I had something happen a few months back that annoyed but also puzzled me. Guess I should start from the beginning. So about 4 years ago when I decided to give online dating a real chance, I met this guy. I was using one of the more popular sites and his profile popped up. He messaged and we talked for bit. Nothing serious. He lived across the country and we chatted about our world views. We skyped once for a few minutes because I wanted to verify who he was. We had some very marked differences in perspectives but got along fairly well. For the next few years we messaged each other occasionally. He always started the conversations and we would chat about different things. Again, nothing serious. He was pretty much cemented into the friendzone and seemed ok. Earlier this year he started messaging me more. Again, non-serious conversations. Surface stuff about his current job and how he’s trying to finish up his last few classes in college. He mentioned driving over and hanging out for the weekend. We compared schedules and picked a weekend. Living the life that I live, I had a very strong hunch that he wasn’t really serious. So the weekend came and he cancelled last minute saying “something came up.” I wasn’t upset because I already had stuff planned based on the assumption that he would flake. Crisis averted. So he kept messaging me with small talk. Then out the blue the guy asked me when we would actually meet in person. I have to admit that it caught me a little off guard since the last attempt had been a bust. But I asked specifically why we needed to meet in person. He replied that we would find out if we had chemistry. At this point, I knew I had to be pretty clear. I pointed out the fact that we had been in contact for the past 3 years and he had never actually had a phone conversation with me. We skyped for a few minutes but for the most part our interactions were all online. At that point it seemed clear to me that we didn’t have any chemistry. I’m just not a fan of wasting my time—especially when it involves 3 hours of driving and gas. But I guess it was a blow he could not recover from and he immediately blocked and deleted me on social media. I thought it was a childlike action but we all deal with disappointment in different ways. Maybe he had been trying to get up the courage to make a move for a while and then I just shut him down. But the truth is that it is better to be honest initially than to go back and explain that you did something because you didn’t want his feelings to get hurt. I hate crushing hopes and dreams but you need to make an actual move in a time period of 3 years. What ever happened to men actually putting some effort into something instead of just assuming that you wanted to spend time with them? Oh well.. another one bites the dust.