Getting a doctorate was to date one of the most stressful projects that I have done. I balanced school with multiple jobs, moving across the country, and also trying to have somewhat of a social life. My dissertation class was a Pass/Fail format and there were a few times where I didn’t know if I would pass the class for the quarter. I would plan to get a lot of things accomplished every quarter and it would be so difficult to stay focused and write in the fact of competing priorities. It was the end of year four and and I hit a wall. I was tired of looking at a computer screen, reading articles, trying to sound intelligent, and keeping up with discussion posts. I don’t know what the final straw was but I was done. I wanted to quit so badly because it was just too hard. But one thing that I remember was the fact that I had spent so much time, energy and money that not completing would be a complete waste. Not to mention the fact that I would still owe money in student loans. I realized that I was getting in my own way because I wasn’t sure of what I wanted to do next after I finished. I knew that I wanted to teach but I had no idea about what the next steps would be. I was sabotaging my own progress because I had a fear of the unknown. Once I figured it out everything made a lot more sense. I gave myself permission to finish without knowing for sure what I would do afterwards. After this realization the road got a lot smoother. I finally started to get the approvals that I needed and things started coming together. Within a year and some change I successfully defended my dissertation. I say all this to say that a fear of the unknown keeps a lot of people from their potential. It paralyzes them from taking the next step because there are no guarantees. But in life there aren’t any do-overs. We have one shot to get it right and it only makes sense to give our dreams 110%. Go hard or go home.
One thing that I often encourage my clients to do is to get outside of their comfort zone once in a while. This often takes the form of encouraging them to travel somewhere. That’s why I really liked this article about traveling that’s written by a therapist. You can read it here. There’s nothing like doing something while going out your comfort zone. There’s the opportunity for learning more about yourself and the world around you when you go somewhere. You have the chance to experience a new culture and navigate in an unfamiliar environment where you don’t necessarily have the backup of friends and family. Solo travel can be daunting but that’s the fun part about working through your reluctance. The more you learn, the more you realize what you don’t know. But it’s all about taking the first step and doing it–because let’s be honest, sometimes you just have to do things while scared because it’s something your future self will thank you for.
I realized that I’ve posted some bad date stories but to be fair and to also (maybe) inspire some sense of optimism in my seemingly string of endless romantic bad luck I’ll write about a good date that I’ve had. I moved to a new place and I updated one of my social media accounts to show my new location. But let me take a few steps back. I’m a big fan of not having public social media pages. I like to be able to choose who sees what I post. There was a guy that I added for the very simple reason that he was cute and what he posted had substance. So for the past few years we didn’t interact but followed each other on social media. Fast forward to me coming to the new place. He commented on my post that he lived nearby and that we should hang out sometime. So a few weeks later we messaged and decided on a time and location. I was excited but had no idea what to expect. It was a public place but honestly you never know when you’re meeting someone in person for the first time. He was a good looking guy but for some reason I imagined that he was shorter than average because of the angles of the pictures he posted. Nothing wrong with that. So I arrived at the restaurant early and proceeded to order food and a drink. I didn’t know if he would decide to show up and I didn’t want to wait forever, plus I was hungry. But I picked a seat that faced the door so I would see him if he decided to come through. I’m enjoying my food and I see him walk past the windows and into the front door. Up to this point I had only swooned over a guy twice or so. Once when I walked past Brian McKnight in college and once when I was in Paris. This was the third time. I saw him and felt the air leave my lungs. I immediately felt my ears getting warm and I think my jaw literally dropped. Dude was fine. Not regularly fine where you can glance, smile, and keep it moving. The kind where you stop in your tracks and and stare while trying to decide if it’s worth it to take a picture to document the moment. He spotted me and came over to say hi and give me a hug before we moved to a different part of the restaurant. He ordered drinks and we started chatting. Great conversation that didn’t have those awkward silences. Found out that we had some things in common. I’m also mentally checking off things on my unofficial checklist of what I’d ideally like. Dude is passing with FLYING colors. Corporate with a twinge of bad boy? Check. Well read and well spoken? Check. Has a passport and travels? Check. Goals and ambition? Check. So I’m just enjoying the moment and focusing on the present. Another unaccompanied woman comes into the restaurant and sits close to us. She orders a complicated drink and frustrates the already swamped bartender. Then she starts to low key flirt with my guy. I’ll admit that I started to feel some twinges of annoyance and possessiveness but he shuts her down effortlessly. Bonus points for him. It was a good evening. We chatted for about 5 hours about anything and everything under the sun. It was never officially stated as a date and I was fully prepared to pay for my food and drinks and as the evening went on he started ordering drinks as we continued to talk. The bill came and he paid for it without complaint despite me half heartedly offering to pay for my portion. I’ve heard that if a guy pays than it should be considered a date. The bill was close to $200 bucks so I guess it officially counted as a date. He walked me to my car and walked on the outside curb. Great guy, good time, no complaints.
I’m often asked by people how it is that I travel so much. The short answer is that I don’t. I’m not independently rich and I didn’t pick a profession that is known for big paychecks. Most of my days are spent working at a job that may or may not include weekends or regular hours. The only time I consistently post on social media is when I’m away from the mundane so naturally it appears that I go somewhere all the time. I was the girl who always wanted to travel growing up. I loved road trips and seeing new places. When my dad was on business trips he took the whole family along and we went all over the Southeast tagging behind him. I remember as a little girl always being fascinated by aviation. My first plane trip was when I was 17 years old and I was hooked. Traveling solo happened naturally when I took a leap of faith and decided to move across the country from Alabama to Denver. I was a senior in college and took a few days off to fly out and scope out the land. As I’ve grown older I’ve learned the importance of seeing new places. The world that we live in is progressively getting worse and sometimes you have to remind yourself that everything isn’t all bad all the time. Even if it’s just for a little bit. I’m due for another vacation soon and it can’t come fast enough.
I’m always inspired by people who go after what they really want to do and who live life on their own terms. I’ve always had a love hate relationship with work. Don’t get me wrong I like helping people, but doing it constantly just drains me. And while I don’t have a bad attitude and I don’t snap at people when I’m tired, it’s just exhausting at times. Unfortunately human need isn’t confined to normal business hours and it’s hard for me to leave something without a sense of completeness. Working in the healthcare field adds another layer because there’s literally always something to be done. Even leaving after a long day of work means that there are still things that have to be done. Today I felt inspired as I received several phone calls from recruiters regarding open positions and I was strangely comforted as those phone calls reminded me that my job is definitely needed. I spoke to a colleague of mine who only takes one contract job per year and spends the rest of her time writing and doing talks on things that she’s passionate about. Having a purpose in life is so important and I think that it’s good to balance helping people with also taking care of yourself. I definitely need to do better.
Unlike some of the songs that I’ve posted, this one definitely has the distinction of being one the songs I like that has very distinct memories associated with it. This album came out when I was 12 and I can still remember the excitement of putting it into the CD player of our van for the first time while we made one of our numerous family road trips. This song was one of my favorites from the album because it had a nice beat but it also had substance. The song talks about about wishing that someone was with you and the emotions that come along with missing them. It speaks of loyalty and the disappointment that sometimes comes along with relationships when you are emotionally invested. The melody fits the words and the message perfectly. It’s the song that I requested that we all listen to as we drove around town on my 13th birthday. Even at 13, there was an identified person I remember thinking about with the lyrics “I wish that you were here with me.” Regardless, this is my throwback song. A classic that I will always remember because there are a lot of memories associated with it.
“You and I were created for growth and development, and to reach our full potential. It is the object, the essence of our being. To possess an ambition to expand larger and more broadly each day, to push the horizon of ignorance a little further away, to become a bit richer in knowledge, a tad wiser, and more of what we were created to be–that is our worthwhile objective.” -Dennis Kimbro
This was something that really stuck out to me and I immediately highlighted it through my very 21st century Kindle book app. I think of all the people who have never fully reached their potential. Is it their fault? Were they never given the tools to succeed? Were they never interested in moving past the monotony of daily life into their life calling? Every case is different just like every person. Having the ambition to push further each day and to learn something new that can be applied to one’s life is a habit that will bring success in multiple areas of our lives. It’s so easy to get caught up in the stresses of today that we forget to prepare for tomorrow. Maybe that’s why this quote challenges us to make obtaining knowledge and wisdom a priority while also assuring these actions have their own rewards.