Tag Archives: relationships

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Average Joe is Above Average

One of my favorite pastimes is to watch televisions shows that people aren’t really talking about. And when I say people, I really just mean my timeline(s) on social media. It’s hard to get me interested in a series because it has to keep my attention over a long period of time. I like shows that are unpredictable with a lot of twists and turnes. Average Joe fit the bill.

I want to share why, but be warned there will be some slight spoiler alerts ahead. 

Average Joe is a television show about a plumber who lives in the South with his wife and daughter. His daughter has just started to date and is becoming more invested in her social circle. The first episode finds Joe dealing with the death of his father and the grief that comes along with having to settle his father’s estate. Joe is a stressed out man and it’s very

apparent within all the episodes. He’s just trying to do the right thing and keep food on the table for his family. He loves his wife, but he also wants to make a change in his life. The family is solidly middle class but like most families, they have some financial stressors that make it hard to get ahead. The most notable being that a member of Joe’s immediate family has an autoimmune disease that affects her ability to get around at times and it requires expensive medications to manage symptoms.

How it begins

Joe is minding his business when a quick turn of events within an hour turns his life upside down and makes him a wanted man. The situation is quickly complicated by the arrival of his best friend and the involvement of another friend who works in law enforcement. Without giving too much away, I can honestly say that each episode left me on the edge of my seat. There wasn’t a slow build like many thrillers have. The action started in the very first episode and it stayed that way for the entire series. 

As the show goes on, the intensity increases. Joe and his family have to leave their home because they fear for their lives and are trying to figure out their next moves. It’s interesting to watch Joe and his wife attempt to shield their daughter from the chaos until they discover that she has a significant role to play in finding a resolution. In many ways, the situation is a coming of age for her as she advocates for herself and tries to help her parents in the midst of a situation that seems impossible. Her parents give multiple directions and directives to her and she ignores many of them in true teenage fashion.

One thing I liked was that the supporting cast was solid

Each person had their own role to play and the power of working together was highlighted. Life rarely happens as expected and fiction mimics reality. There were so many ups and downs but I found myself rooting for Joe in each episode because his heart was in the right place. Needless to say, there are multiple storylines that make this show more intriguing. One particularly interesting one is the relationship between Joe and his best friend. We are able to see some of the nuances of relationships, the temptation of greed and how it can affect the ones closest to us. 

All in all, it was a show I’d recommend watching if you like murder mysteries and being surprised. I give it an 8/10 for originality. Check it out sometime.

AVERAGE JOE SEASON ONE

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Easier vs. Better

As hard as it is to hear, I’m at a place in my life where I want to hear the truth. While I know it’s not always comfortable and that I can end up being a bit hurt at times, it still beats alternative of being lied to. Lies can just be more convenient and appear to be the best option. However, in the long run, it’s generally a bad idea to build your life or make decisions based on untruths. Like most people, I strongly dislike being mislead and I’d rather know something than not knowing something.

So enter relationships. The romantic sort. They can be messy, complicated and very emotionally taxing. We’ve all seen couples where we were secretly hoping that they would recognize their lack of compatibility and just part ways. It was toxic from day one and just continued to go downhill from the moment they decided to form a “trauma bond” and be in romantic relationship. It’s a relationship that makes us all happy that we aren’t in their shoes and having to make the same decisions.

Photo by RDNE Stock project on Pexels.com

And then there are the rare exceptions to normality in a positive direction that leave us all dumbfounded (I think that’s a word). They seem to be in sync on everything and against all odds appear to be consistently happy together for months and years at a time. Their relationship appears to be a good partnership and both people are blissfully in love, in like, and in life together. A rarity indeed. It’s a reminder to us all that it’s a beautiful thing to have a trusted life companion. The reality flipside is that for many of us, our romantic relationships fall into the “normal” box. We have our general frustrations and bones to pick. But we’ve decided that we’re going to try to make it work because it makes sense for now and overall, the outcome has been positive.

Every relationship has a culture and this can be different and varied depending on the people involved in said relationship. There’s good and bad times, ups and downs and in-between moments. Life with someone takes compromise, communication, trust and honesty. We can veer off course but eventually through time and understanding and applying relationship skills like the ones that are outlined in this workbook, we find our way back to our partner. It’s not easy to think about someone else all the time because your decisions affect them. Conversations can lead to conflicts and misunderstandings that require humility and effort to resolve. We don’t always get our way. However, for many, having a relationship doesn’t make their life easier, but it makes it better. We like the fact that there’s someone to come home to and there’s an emergency contact outside of friends and family that actually cares. We have a person that will listen and support in a way that only someone who knows us well can do.

It’s an interesting concept to consider the whole idea of better vs. easier. I think many times we have to make decisions that require us to sacrifice one for the other. What’s better generally isn’t easier and what’s easier generally isn’t better. Of course there are exceptions but those don’t necessarily apply to relationships and interactions with others. We make decisions based on what we hope the outcome will be and wish for the best. Maybe that’s the way it’s supposed to be.

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2022 in Hindsight

It’s been quite the year and when I reflect on all that happened, I think it’s been one of the more eventful years I’ve lived. I’ve visited family, gone to comedy shows in several different states, relocated across the country, started some new jobs and was a guest on several podcasts. I’ve learned more about myself and I’ve tried new foods (like alligator) that I never would have without some gentle prompting about getting outside of my comfort zone. I think one of the biggest things is that I’ve learned so much more about religious trauma and how problematic it can be to have a childhood where everything is fear based. It’s not ideal to be worried about hell or a lake of fire as a young child (understatement of the year). However, I’m glad that my journey has brought me to my current relationship where I have a partner that’s understanding and patient. There’s been ups and downs, breakthroughs and drawbacks. Overall, this has been a building year as well as one of transition. I’m looking forward to becoming more disciplined, learning about the world, and growing both personally and professionally. May we all take the next 365 days to intentionally grow into better versions of ourselves. Happy (Almost) New Year!

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From Scratch the series

Recently (well a few weeks ago), I watched the Netflix series From Scratch. So first and foremost I need to acknowledge that it’s been out for a while but I finally had some time to watch. For those who haven’t watched it yet, this post will include some spoilers so you can stop here if you haven’t had the opportunity quite yet. A few things. First, the scenery and setting was beautiful. I found myself reminiscing on my trips to Italy and wishing that I had another one booked. It’s a beautiful and unique country and the food is amazing. I loved the fact that the story was true to life and I’ve heard that it was actually based on a true story. Family is important and the fact that the main character took the time to learn Italian and connect with her in-laws despite their resistance led to them embracing her and including her in their will. It was a beautiful love story of a couple who made it work even when faced with so many challenges. Family members flew in from around the country in order to provide support and everyone came together in a way that was beautiful and personified what it means to have a true family unit. They had their differences but at the end of the day they were united by their love of their daughter, sister, and granddaughter. It was a such a tear jerker and I found myself being glad that I didn’t have anything else scheduled for the day because my eyes were red and puffy. It’s an emotional roller coaster–which life is at times. I particularly loved the ending where the main character had to think about her daughter and create a new normal that included honoring the memory of her spouse. She demonstrated so much resiliency even in the midst of the most tragic event. Overall, I think that main message of the movies was about the resiliency of the human spirit and the ability we have to find some beauty in the midst of unspeakable tragedy.

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Figuring it out

I’ve set an intention (as I typically do) to write more frequently. While I see the upcoming new year as a start, I thought that it would be good to try to get a head start on creating the habit. Over the years, I’ve done a lot of reading and research on religious trauma which translated in to presenting at several conferences, writing an article, and creating a mini-course. Religion is one of those things that can bring value and meaning to life. It influences the way that people see themselves and see the world. However, it can also be used as a weapon and inflict emotional wounds that are difficult to move past from. I think that there’s a need for more conversations around how to successfully navigate and integrate the values from that you were taught with the knowledge gained through experiences. Oftentimes, those two things aren’t congruent and are perceived as clashing; but in reality, our past experiences shape who we become in one way or another.

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Month 9

It’s been crazy how fast the year has gone and like many, I’ve realized that it hasn’t gone completely according to plan. My international trips have once again been curtailed but I’ve seen more of the countryside and traveled to some of the local spots near me. I’ve confirmed I officially like sushi and I now low key regret spending 28 years being a vegetarian. However, it gave me a great foundation for healthy eating and I’m glad for that. This year I’ve also developed more discipline in taking care of myself and taking both fitness and business seriously. It’s been eye opening to discover new ways of thinking and to hear the perspectives of others. There’s so much going on in the world today that seems incredibly polarizing and I’ve seen how fragile human relationships can be when there is seemingly a conflict of values. Time flies when you’re having fun, but also when you’re just working a lot.

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Valentine’s Day Again

While technically Valentine’s Day is over, I was reminded today while scrolling social media of all the years that I wanted to be in a relationship. While that goal was accomplished last year, it’s been interesting how much less the holiday means after being shown love and kindness throughout the other 364 days of the year. There were a lot of sad people today who spent the day alone or with people that they may not have genuinely cared about or loved. Relationships are so much more than what happens in a 24 hour period. While I love grand gestures and gifts, I’ve come to a deeper appreciation for the small meaningful things that make life easier. Being able to delegate difficult tasks, having a friend I can talk to, requesting an occasional foot rub are all things that at one point in my life I never expected to have. As I’ve continued to work with couples, I’m reminded of the importance of consistency in relationships. Trust and commitment don’t happen overnight. They both are traits that are cultivated through time and energy and many people don’t make the investment that is necessary for success. When something is important to you, you make time for it and ensure that it is a priority. Taking the time to water your own grass (figuratively) and invest in the health of your relationship will reap benefits. Just make sure you’re with the right person.

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Taking inventory

After years of waiting and hoping I finally got into a relationship with long term potential about a year ago and things are going well. The thing that has been surprising is how different my expectations were from reality. I work with black women who have educational and financial standards for their future boyfriend or spouse and honestly I used to be one of them. No one wants to be in a relationship and do worse financially then they were before. However, in the past year I’ve learned more about some of the intangibles that mean more than what a guy makes or his level of education. Women can easily get caught up in what a man does instead of evaluating who he is. One thing is significantly less obvious than the other. Dating a project isn’t about trying to rehabilitate a man but it’s not the same as supporting a man who has a clear path and plan for the future. Many times the past is a great indicator of the future. Instead of asking about a five year plan, it’s better to ask a man about a five year plan he’s has in the past and what year he’s in presently. It’s easy have aspirations but it’s much hard to put in the work to manifest them. If a man is serious his actions will show it. Giving you a girlfriend label doesn’t indicate he’s serious. Is he applying for jobs to move closer to you? Has he given you his timeline for moving in together? Is he introducing you to his circle of friends? These are all indications that there’s a good chance he’s sees a future with you. Women are quick to complain that a man has wasted their time but in reality they have wasted their own time because they weren’t being held hostage and they got committed too soon without verifying that the other person wanted the same thing. Taking inventory means that you understand where you are in your life and you intentionally choose to make decisions that align with your long term goals.

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Building emotional connection

I ran into this picture and thought that it was a great idea to utilize for couples who just want to try something different to build their relationship and emotional connection. It’s more ideal for partners who live together but anything can be modified for social distancing or living apart. Happy June!