Tag Archives: life

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Compromising and love

Jonas WeckschmiedDating in the modern era is difficult. It’s messy, it’s full of unknowns, and honestly, it can get pretty daunting at times. Long gone are the days of simplicity, when people said what they meant, and told you how they feel. Today, dating is full of deception and mind games. Finding someone and falling…

via Here’s Why You Need To Stop Compromising When It Comes To Love — Thought Catalog

I loved reading this article and I agree with the author. It’s easier to settle sometimes than it is to say no to opportunities that aren’t the best for you.

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Dating story 3

I usually wait about a year or so before disclosing a bad date story, but I’m 100% sure this guy will never talk to me again so I’ll make an exception. Back in my days of online dating (I’m off all internet dating sites and apps indefinitely–or at least for the time being), there was an app I used that was geared toward professional millennials. I had some marginal success with it so when an anticipated relationship fell through, back to the app I went. I “met” someone relatively soon and we started chatting through the app then texting. I’ll be honest, he wasn’t super interesting. He had just finished a professional degree in the health field and had gotten a job with the government. However, he didn’t have a start date yet so he was just hanging out at home until it happened. He lived about 12 hours away on the East coast but mentioned that he would be in my area in a month. We tentatively agreed to meet up when he was in town. However, in the month or so leading up to him coming into town we didn’t talk at all. No phone calls, no texts, nothing. I forgot all about him until he texted saying that he was in the area. It wasn’t really the most convenient time because I was packing to go on a trip and trying to run some last minute errands. However, I thought it might be nice to add a face to a name. He wanted to meet up for coffee but didn’t have a car because he flew in (figures). So because I’m a nice person and because I had sorta given him my word I agreed to drive the 25 miles (one way) to meet him. I got to the hotel and saw him in person for the first time. He fit the description of the word “petite.” Nicely proportioned but I could see directly over his head and I wasn’t wearing heels. I don’t know a man who would be happy being characterized as petite, but it’s the truth. He wanted to get in my car and drive to a coffee place. I quickly vetoed that because he was only allotting me an hour of his time and it was way too much hassle. So we went to get a coffee in a little shop in the hotel lobby. I ordered my coffee first and then waited a few seconds to see if he would offer to pay. Negative. So I bought my drink and moved out the way to him to get his. Side note, in his defense he was unemployed and was probably counting pennies. But then again my drink was 3 bucks and he had invited me and I had driven 30 minutes. But whatever. Secondly, he took a long time to order. He requested 4 different samples before he finally made up his mind. The process took about ten minutes with him sipping and declaring it wasn’t what he wanted and asking for something different. The conversation we had afterwards was nothing short of boring. I tried to get him to talk a little about himself but it wasn’t really interesting (real talk). It was a conversation that required effort instead of flowing seamlessly. So as we approached the end of the allotted time I decided it was time for me to go. He proceeded to walk me to my car, give me the most awkward hug in life and then walk away. Right out of my life…. not surprised though. 

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Fall cleaning 

As I do every year, I’m preparing to do a purge of my contacts and delete the hundreds of random messages I don’t have any use for. My strategy is that if a number isn’t saved the message is deleted. Not too long ago I had an interesting exchange with a young man who happened to have one of the numbers in my phone that were never saved. He indicated that he wanted to meet me in person and said he was interested in me. Mind you, he popped up every few weeks or so and texted me regular small talk stuff. Nothing substancial or notable enough for me to save his number because it was obvious he only texted me when I got bored. Then he asked for a picture. Side note, what is it with guys always asking for a picture? You haven’t done anything to deserve a favorable answer to your inquiry and I don’t acquiesce to random demands from strangers. Needless to say, the answer is almost always no. But I digress. I ended up telling him what needed to happen in order for me to take him seriously and I may have also mentioned that I didn’t know his name and that his number had never been saved because he never earned that right. My point is that sometimes you have to clear your life of people who are just taking up space. They don’t have a vested interest in your success and don’t care about who you are as a person. Clearing can also involve deleting messages and contacts because you don’t have the time to entertain nonsense. It’s a necessary part of moving forward because you’re making room for something better. 

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Reflections from this week

  1. Life is hard. It’s messy and doesn’t have any promises or absolutes. But it’s easier to go through those stressors having money. Just like it sucks to be sad but its more comfortable to cry in a Bentley than on your bike.
  2. Advance planning is important. It’s hard to make crucial decisions when you’re still reeling from emotions and you have to think clearly. It’s better to get it out the way and not worry about it than to scramble last minute.
  3. It’s important to take some initiative and find out what resources are around you. After all, it’s better to know someone and not need them than to need someone and not know them.
  4. Questions are good. Ask them.
  5. Keep an open mind. Just because things have been done a certain way for a while doesn’t mean that they can’t be improved or become more efficient.
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Relationship fails 

I admit it. I’m a hopeless romantic. There’s been plenty of times that I’ve followed acquaintances on social media and “liked” all the mushy gushy tributes to their new significant other. The declarations of love and unending devotion and professional pictures have warmed my heart. But then there’s a change. All of a sudden one or both people start posting self-empowerment posts and about leaving when you’re not being appreciated. Then slowly but surely pictures start to be deleted or taken down. Married names go back to maiden names and this is usually followed by a social media break. While it’s certainly none of my business, I feel like asking “what happened?” These individuals put their whole lives online and got people emotionally invested in their relationship. I feel to some extent that they owe us an explanation when it fails. Of course I understand the right to privacy and how emotions can be involved but it would be nice to see the same level of transparency as there was in the beginning when they were in love. I think there’s a feeling of failure that is attached to the demise of a relationship. No one wants to talk about stuff like that. I know I don’t and my relationship ended months ago–but that’s another post. But it’s disappointing when you see a seemingly good relationship bite the dust. Of course you can only see what people post and I think many times the fairy tale is faker then we would like to think. 

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Your vote and you

Like many people, I have to say that this presidential race isn’t anything like it was in 2012. I’ve never been very involved in politics but over the past year I’ve learned a little more about political systems and the importance of being aware and involved in what’s going on on a local level. That being said, this upcoming election is one that is especially impactful and has the possibility of some long term ramifications. Apart from all the rumors going around, I haven’t taken the time to read about the platform of each individual candidate. In a perfect world I would pick the candidate whose platform is in congruence with my values and perspective. There’s been some discussion around voting and if it really counts. And if you know anything about the electoral college, you know that there’s an additional step that allows a select few to actually chose a leader. Needless to say, so far I’m not a huge fan of either candidate. I’ve identified one whose views seem most contrary to my own but haven’t done my own research on all the details. It’s easy to have an opinion when you don’t have all the information; and I need my choice to be informed by facts and not just what has been put out there by the media because everyone has an agenda. I don’t know if there’s a such thing as “unbiased” when it comes to pushing your own perspective forward. I think that this election would qualify as a defining moment for the country. It would be nice if progress could actually happen instead of a bunch of empty promises and the perpetuation of discrimination and racism that has been alive and well for centuries. But I’m not going to hold my breath. 

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Switching Gears

As I’ve said throughout the years of doing this blog, I’m a huge fan of consistency balanced with being spontaneous. I truly believe that variety is the spice of life but I also can appreciate the perceived security that is associated with having a daily routine. Needless to say, a while ago I decided that it was time for a change. Don’t get me wrong, I had a beautiful 3rd floor cubicle with a lovely view of the parking lot but it wasn’t really what I wanted to be doing. So I found a job that allowed me to travel a bit and put my things into storage and moved across the country from Georgia to California. While it was a huge move, it was definitely very needed. Having a decent quality of life is important to me and I still feel some kind of way about the fact that I spend almost a year in a cubicle, fighting traffic an hour each way in order to go to work. But the feeling I had when I walked into work and submitted my resignation can’t be rivaled. It was truly amazing and I felt like I was floating on air as I drove past the metal gates of the office building for the last time. Needless to say, I don’t know exactly what I’ll do next but I sorta like that feeling. At least for now.

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American Sniper

Recently I watched American Sniper–a movie that I always wanted to see but also somewhat dreaded. I’ve always been pretty sensitive and I try to stick to watching comedies. This was a movie about war and its horrors. There’s so much controversy now on what to do when the national anthem is played and all of a sudden people take it personal when someone exercises their constitutional right and peacefully protests. It’s interesting to me how a lot of the most vocal people complaining aren’t military members. The movie tells the story of a sniper who saved fallen comrades. It’s a great movie but the realities of war are hard to watch. I think that everyone should travel to the American cemetery in France where you can see the graves of soldiers of all ages and backgrounds who died to liberate others. I have to admit that I didn’t expect American Sniper to end the way that it did. I went and read about the book that it was based on. It’s not a happy movie but it’s a needed one that showed to some extent how serious PTSD can be. I remember meeting an army sniper in real life. He was in his early twenties but sobbed like a baby as he told me about how he shot a little boy who looked to be about the age of his brother. It was so sad to see how tortured he felt after doing his job and following the orders of his superiors. War is a horrible thing, but I wonder if people know that it’s possible to support the troops and not stand up for the National Anthem. Actions like that should never be mandated if we’re truly “the home of the free.” Furthermore, you can support the troops and advocate for better resources without agreeing with everything the military does. But that’s just my two cents. 

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Loving on and moving on

Again, I ran into this blog post and absolutely wanted to share. There comes a time when you realize that no matter what, you can’t love someone into loving you. It’s a hard reality to face because we want to believe that our love can change someone who doesn’t want to be changed. I’ve had a similar experience of the writer and I have to admit that it’s not comfortable at all. But time helps and it gets better as you move on. You learn to love from a distance and be ok with that. 

Manik RatheeI thought I was prepared to see you again. It’s been about a month since I’ve seen you last and that was a train wreck in itself. It’s been a few months since we’ve spoken and that ended up with me in tears. The girls and I were relaxed, having a few drinks and…

via I Love You, But It’s Time To Close This Chapter In My Life — Thought Catalog

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The New Lonely

I saw this article and just HAD to share it. I completely agree with this author. But I think that it’s hard to connect with people when it’s something that is so rarely done. It’s hard to have a genuine and vulnerable conversation with people these days. There are times in your life when you want an actual physical person there to witness events. As great as it is to have a text or phone call or facebook message, there’s no true substitute for face to face interaction. 

Eugenio MarongiuIt’s a weekday evening and you’re feeling restless. You’re texting friends and you’re watching Netflix and you’re on your laptop and you’re scrolling through Tumblr or Facebook or Instagram or Twitter. Your attention is in ten different directions, yet there’s a tug, a tiny voice in the back of your mind. It asks: what…

via This Is The New Loneliness — Thought Catalog