The topic of millennials and religion has been one that has been flooding my social media timelines lately. People are reaching out and soliciting opinions and perspectives about why millennials aren’t as religious as previous generations. You can read an article about it here . The main assertion of the author is that religion has become more private to millennials and I can agree with this perspective. There are so many people who wear their beliefs on their sleeves and make it their personal mission to bring people over to their side or their way of thinking. This is all fine and well as many people enjoy being followers. But I think that one of the characteristics of millennials today is that there is a lot more questioning. In many instances where previous generations accepted certain things as truth, this generation needs a bit more evidence. Additionally, society is becoming more individualistic and the “we” factor is seen as less important.
Tag Archives: thoughts
An “if”
I feel that I’m due for another post and while I have been consistent with writing in the past, sometimes it’s almost impossibly hard to translate my chaotic thoughts into something coherent. But I’m going to try. I’ve come to the realization that most people live with a set of “ifs” or “what ifs.” It’s that feeling where you just KNOW that things would be different IF distance wasn’t a factor, IF money wasn’t an issue, IF you had made a better decision. The list goes on and on. Sometimes that “if” is a person. I’ve seen the look of regret on the faces of many older adults as they’ve lamented on losing their first love or a painful goodbye that they never fully got over. I say all that to say that sometimes you have to know exactly what you want—even if it’s a big thing, and work backwards. You can eliminate a few “ifs” IF you are willing to make huge decisions that are uncomfortable in the present but lay the foundation for a better future.
Third Quarter
I honestly can’t believe that the year has gone by so fast. It seems like just yesterday it was January and I was writing down some of the things that I wanted to accomplish in the next 12 month period. From that time to now, some things on the list have become more of a priority than others. Around this time last year I got my professional license after completing 3,360 hours of work and meeting a few other requirements. This year has been one of some pretty big changes with quite a few more scheduled to happen. I remember reading something the other day about how a lot of people are terrified of the idea of starting over. They stay in the same job, the same relationship, the same environment because they’re scared and they don’t want the hassle of starting from the ground up. It’s almost like they would rather complain about what’s wrong with their life instead of venturing out of comfort to actually change what is making them upset. While I think that there are some huge benefits of putting down roots and staying in the same place for a long period of time, there’s also value in experiencing something different and “starting over.” One thing I’ve learned this year from some of the successful people and entrepreneurs that I’ve met is that the ability to start over and/or do something different is what separates the dreamers from the doers. There’s still a lot to do before the year is over and a fear of the unknown is something that has to be faced head on. How else will I retire early and live on a beach? 🙂
My Favorite Tori Kelly song (so far)
I don’t remember who initially introduced me to Tori’s music but I’m forever appreciative. There’s something refreshing about her demeanor and her songs actually make sense. About a week ago I decided that I needed to catch up on some of her music and I bought her latest album. It has been the only thing playing on my phone for the past week. This particular song I really like because it’s so honest. While the lyrics speak of regret, there’s still an underlying current of optimism. Tori sings about something that has happened to a lot of people and it’s easy to connect with her words. One of the things that I really appreciate about her style, melodies, and lyrics is that they express true emotion and are reflective of situations that embody the human experience.
The other side of lonely part III
This is the third installment of (apparently) my annual blog post on the other side of loneliness. The basic idea is that we can be profoundly lonely at some of the best times of our lives. I wrote the first blog after one of my most stressful academic days. I had to do a presentation for the faculty of my school. This presentation included a video clip of me conducting therapy with a couple and rationalizing all my therapeutic interventions witty explanations on what I was trying to accomplish. This was also accompanied by a declaration of my therapeutic orientation and background information. Needless to say, it was the culmination of two years of clinical work and class work and was necessary in order to graduate. I did the presentation and passed with flying colors with some really positive feedback from faculty. It was a great moment. Hence my assertion that sometimes our happiest moments can be our loneliest because we don’t have anyone to share it with. I still think it’s true two years later. Some people say that you can’t miss something you’ve never had. While I disagree, I also think that you miss something in a different way when you have had it at some point and had to give it up. By this same token, having someone there for one occasion will make you appreciative but it could also make you lonelier when it happens again without the presence of said person. I think that loneliness is felt more acutely when you’ve known what it’s like to have someone there. It’s not necessarily a bad thing because you learn how to truly appreciate the times that were the exception to the “rule.”
To have or not to have
I ran into an interesting article the other day about having children. You can read it here. The article specifically addresses some of the reasons why people decide not to have children. I don’t think there are a lot of people who set out to be bad parents but I can understand why it’s a fear. We all know the horror stories of crimes committed by individuals and the focus automatically goes to the parents as people begin to wonder what bad parenting skills created someone who could do “such a thing.” There also aren’t a lot of people who would argue that the world needs more people in it and I think a lot of millennials have taken on the perspective that they don’t want to add to the already existing problem. All in all, I think the article was pretty thought provoking and it made me wonder about the long term ramifications for society.
Social Media and Your Other Half
This may seem like a rant but it’s really not. I recently had a conversation with a friend of mine about some prominent couples that we know of. These couples aren’t celebrities or anything but they are fairly well known in certain circles. There’s also an abundance of rumors that their marriage is on the rocks and that they are on the verge of divorce or at least separation. This is partially due to the fact that while all individuals are on social media their spouses is never spoken of and there aren’t any pictures of them together within the last few years. I’m not a social media expert by any means but when you only post selfies and pictures of your children without your spouse I wonder what that means. We all know people who tend to go a bit overboard on social media exposing every single detail about their relationship, what they had to eat, their emotions at any given time, and their thoughts on everything. I’ve witnessed how social media can affect your romantic relationships and I’ve seen couples navigate those grey waters in a variety of ways. Some combine their profiles in an attempt to consolidate friends and provide transparency on all ends. Others give their spouse or significant other their password so that they can check their messages and communications with others. The level of investment in social media varies depending on the person and everyone is entitled to their personal life however I often wonder what is behind the decision to never acknowledge on social media that you’re married. I think that if you are married your spouse should at least be acknowledged. I’m not saying that you have to tag them in every status or talk about them all the time, but it wouldn’t be a bad thing to post a picture of the two of you once a year or so. After all, that’s supposed to be one of the most important people in your life. The absence of a spouse from social media is definitely more pronounced when one of the partners is in a position of prominence. You are automatically subject to more scrutiny when you’re in the public eye and that scrutiny also extends to your spouse even if they don’t care for the spotlight. Do everyone a favor and at least be willing to acknowledge them on social media. After all, you picked them.
Roller Coasters
When I was younger my family used to make yearly excursions to Florida. We would enjoy the sun, shop and go to amusement parks. While I’ve never had a fear of heights, I’ve never liked the idea of falling. One thing about the amusement parks is that when we first arrived I would immediately get a game plan in place that would allow me to experience all the biggest rides in the most time efficient way. I would wait in line for hours with my dad and then listen to the instructions, hop in and then make sure that I was securely strapped in. Without fail, as soon as the roller coaster started ascending the first big hill or drop from the height, I would regret it. I would sit back and watch the sky get closer and closer while the people on the ground watching got smaller and smaller. We would creep to the top of the seemingly endless hill and then the coaster would stop for a few moments. The view from the top was gorgeous. You could always see for miles around. It was at this point that my anxiety levels skyrocketed because I realized that there was only one way down. That way did not include a soft and gentle ride to the ground. From the initial drop until the time that the coaster pulled back into the origination point my eyes would be squeezed shut. I would grit my teeth, plant my feed and wish that I had never gotten on the ride. The very minute the ride ended I would be ready to do it again. Life happens whether we like it or not. While we don’t choose to be born, we get to decide to stay alive. The thing about the roller coaster is that we don’t know what’s around the next bend. A quick turn can mean a hill ahead or a drop. There are very high highs and then low (or lower) lows. There are times where you have to grit your teeth and remember that everything isn’t permanent. That while things can change for the worse in the blink of an eye, circumstances can change for the better in that exact same period of time. I think it’s about keeping the end in mind and being able to live with the fact that you did your best and don’t have any regrets. You handled adversity with grace and courage and didn’t let the opinions of others sway you from your goals and purpose. Because life is a roller coaster and we all have to get off at some point.
The France Trip
This week has been one of reflection. It’s not that I don’t usually reflect because that’s definitely not the case. As a classic overanalyzer (probably not a word), I have an abundance of reflecting and planning thoughts at the same time. One thing I remembered today is that I promised someone that I would give them the link to this blog but then I thought about how it could possibly skew their perception and decided to postpone it until a later date. After all, I am searchable and if they really wanted to find out beforehand they could. But I digress. I think I have found the perfect way to not get over jetlag. Travel 8 hours back (in timezones), hop off the plane and then immediately start a 72 hour night shift work week. It’s practically fail proof. I was recently in France for some school obligations and also some fun and I must say that it was a raging success. I definitely should have stayed longer than a week but it was a quick trip. After my wonderful adventure last summer, I wanted to try more international travel this year. Unfortunately this meant that I had to schedule most trips in the last six months of the year but as the year is coming to a close, it’s nice to know that there are a still a few places on my schedule. Outside of my school obligations that included sitting in various seminars during the day, I had the chance to explore some of Paris with a few friends who I (ironically) met in Spain. The fact that I was in the city last summer was nice because I had the chance to enjoy the experience a bit more without the need to take a picture of every single thing related to French culture or food. The weather was absolutely perfect the entire time I was there and the food was exquisite. One very nice thing about the trip was that I actually had the opportunity to relax. For the longest time I thought that I just couldn’t relax but I discovered that I just have to go overseas to do it (go figure). The combination of good conversation, good wine, great friends, and an environment thousands of miles away from obligations was a wonderful experience and was just what the doctor ordered. I haven’t been that relaxed in years. Aside from one other thing, the highlight of my experience was traveling to Normandy and seeing some of the historic sites from WWII. We went to the American Cemetery and it was so sobering to see all the white crosses lined up of people who died at such a young age fighting to liberate a country that wasn’t their own. It felt overwhelming to think of all the parents, siblings, aunts, and uncles who had tearful goodbyes to their loved one who they would never see again because they died halfway across the world. Needless to say, seeing the beaches and the plaques and the American flags flying high was pretty thought provoking and reminded me of all the things that I sometimes take for granted. Driving on narrow roads and seeing the beautiful countryside was also memorable. It was the best trip I’ve taken this year and well worth the jet lag and sleepless nights. Can’t wait to go somewhere else.
Pieces of Me
This particular song has grown to be one of my favorites. Ledisi is an amazing artist with a voice that is so unique that you have to take notice. As with many songs, I associate this one with a particular experience. This song brings back memories of a road trip I did not too long after I moved to the West. I had lunch with a friend who convinced me to check on another friend who I had not seen in a long time. It was something that I was reluctant to do but had positive results. After that I traveled back to my parents house and hopped in the van for the road trip to Michigan. This song was on repeat almost the entire trip as my dad refused to give up the wheel and drove the entire night. It’s a song that I think is a classic. The lyrics show a level of transparency that is missing from a lot of the music today.
Alisha's Angle 