This weekend I went to a young adults relationship seminar sponsored by one of the local churches. The subject was on being single. Growing up in a church environment I’ve attended hundreds of seminars on relationships, marriage, and being single. I went to this one hoping to find some real life advice/feedback or encouragement. Boy was I wrong. I realized how much I’ve changed since being a teenager. The speaker focused on being a whole person in yourself, not worrying about being married, blah, blah, blah. I’ll take some accountability and admit that I’m definitely more cynical than I was as a single person 10 years ago. I know people who are genuinely happy waiting for “the One” to manifest and I think that’s great for them. While I’ll never go out of my way to talk about how much I absolutely hate being single, I can say with confidence that it’s not my favorite thing. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve become increasingly frustrated with all the “advice” coming from (self-proclaimed) religious people. There are those who promise you’ll find someone and those who say that you’ll have to learn to be content by yourself. I think that optimism is good but one must also be realistic. I prefer not spending my life waiting to do things because I want a significant other to join me. I don’t think that one should put their entire lives on hold because they are waiting on someone who very well may not even exist. As nice as it would be to have someone who is invested in me to make major decisions with, I’m not a fan of the current dating climate. I think I’m just over it. At least for a while.
Tag Archives: love
Pretty much my entire life in an article
LookCatalog.comDating sucks in general, but it’s even worse when you’re the type of girl who acts like she doesn’t give a fuck when she’s secretly a soft, sensitive soul. You can’t keep up the charade forever. Well, you can, but it’s going to make your dating life much harder than it has to be. Men hurt you without even…
via Why Dating Sucks When You Act Like You Don’t Give AF But Are Secretly Sensitive — Thought Catalog
Just a hassle
Recently I’ve seen a lot of social media posts about people getting engaged and also getting married. However, there is also a lot of the opposite. I saw an individual posted on social media how much it hurts to find out that you meant nothing to the other person after thinking that you meant the world to them. An author whose page I follow also posed a question asking if people are tired of dating and the overwhelming response to the post was that most people had given up on ever finding a significant romantic relationship. I wasn’t too surprised to read the responses and I found that it was easy to relate to what people were saying. While I think that’s it’s wrong to say that there are no good men/women left in the world, it would be stupid not to acknowledge how difficult it can be to “find” a normal,stable, and fairly sane person. Dating in today’s world is not as glamorous as it is in the movies and there are hundreds of unspoken rules and expectations that one is expected to just “know.” Let’s face it, it can be a hard world for a hopeless romantic. Dating can easily turn into a cycle that’s similar to fishing where you catch fish but keep throwing them back into the water because they aren’t what you’re looking for. Personally, I find it annoying when people talk about how your perfect match is “out there” and that you have a kiss a lot of frogs in order to find your prince. I don’t know if it’s really worth all that hassle.
Adult decisions
About a year ago I made a pretty important adult decision. It’s funny how adult decisions can be so defining for you. It’s always a choice pertaining to the future and isn’t as mundane as deciding what to have for lunch. I think of adult decisions as the ones where you take time to decide. The decision process is deliberate and takes time. You carefully weigh the pros and cons of your decision. You research the emotional consequences and additional ramifications that may come as a result of your decision. Sometimes this decision involves consulting with trusted friends. You mull over it in your mind. You sleep on it. You run through all the possible outcomes of the decision and make allowances for anything that could go wrong or not according to plan. And then you make the decision. It’s almost like you build a house of fragile materials and then you hope that it lasts. You let the chips fall where they may and you deal with it.
The face of modern chivalry
I saw this and just HAD to share it. Where are these kind of guys??? And if they do exist, can we clone them so there’s enough to go around???? 
Twenty20, hmmessersmith 1. After you two hang out, he texts you to make sure that you got home safely. 2. He records the shows that he knows you can’t stand, so he can watch them after you leave and won’t miss out on any time with you. 3. If his phone beeps while you’re out on a date, he won’t even…
via 27 Modern Acts Of Chivalry That Separate The Jackasses From The Gentleman — Thought Catalog
Too needy?
Like many single people, I often get the chance to hear the reason why I’m single from many nice and well-meaning people. Personally, I find the unsolicited advice annoying but that’s a different topic. The reasons always vary and tend to involve some advice on self improvement. All well and good. This week I heard a new reason that seemed more ironic than the other ones I’ve heard up to this point. I was told that I’m single because I appear to be too independent and “put together” that it appears that I don’t need anyone. I will say that there’s a certain type of confidence that comes along with the continued ability to manage your bills and life without the input or assistance of a significant other. You make the hard decisions and life with the consequences alone. It may not always be ideal but you make it. But let’s be honest, people like being needed. There’s a certain security that comes along with knowing that you’re needed. You see couples who have broken up with both partner feeling utterly lost because they were so codependent on each other that they lost themselves in a relationship that ended. I think that there’s a balance or a sweet spot to be found concerning being “too” needy or “too” independent. Personally, it makes more sense to me to be too independent instead of too needy because it almost seems like the “lesser” evil. You have people with bucket lists of places that they want to visit and the only thing holding them back is finding someone to take along. Regardless of everything responsibilities have to be addressed and bills need to be paid. I think that’s just basic adulting stuff. It’s not an indication of being too independent to have a companion. But that’s just my opinion. So am I going to try to appear more needy for the sole purpose of landing a significant other? Nah.
Early Throwback Song
It’s not quite Thursday yet but this song deserves some early recognition. I love how music can bring back so many memories that you don’t always readily remember. I realized that I hadn’t posted a song in a long while and this one is definitely a throwback. I remember when I first read about B2K in a magazine and heard their first single on the radio. I was hooked. I knew the names of all the guys and determined that I would somehow get my hands on their second album. It was one of the first secular albums that I bought and it kept it hidden away. This particular song brings back memories of vacation in Florida and listening in the wee hours of the morning on my personal CD player (back when those were popular). I have to say that this is a great song. It’s catchy and speaks of (implied) undying love and commitment. I definitely was one of the many people who were disappointed when the group decided to go their separate ways but I’m glad they kept it together long enough to make this album.
Post-Love Day
Today almost everything related to chocolates and candy is half off because the day is over. It’s always fun to see all the corny and sincere Valentine’s Day declarations. From the self loving single who proclaims that it’s his or her day to pamper themselves to the newly engaged couples with the smiles from ear to ear and to the older couples who have raised a family together and now are empty nesters. In years past I greeted the day with a mixture of frustration and happiness for all the people posting pictures of the awesome stuff they got. It warms my heart to see people happy and (at least for a few moments) publicly recognizing their significant others. It’s a day to appreciate what you have and acknowledge the role of love in the world–at least some degree.
Wedding Bells and Woes
I was chatting with an old friend the other day and we were remarking on the practice of fundraising through websites to raise money for weddings. I recognize that weddings aren’t cheap and I’ve met numerous couples who have told me that they aren’t in a financial position to pay for a wedding because of the costs. I’m not knocking creativity by any means but it seems to be in poor taste to ask people to come to your wedding while asking them to pay for it as well. Almost as tactless as telling people to give you cold hard cash instead of gifts. I remember hearing someone say that people don’t care about cost and will go above and beyond their budget when it has to do with a wedding of a funeral. I have a small theory that it’s because both events evoke many types of emotions and rational decisions aren’t always popular. There’s nothing wrong with a request, however it’s important to remember that people aren’t obligated to fulfill your wishes. Let’s be honest, a monetary gift just makes more sense than a blender sometimes. Having a nice wedding is something that many women have dreamed about since being little girls. They already know their color scheme, who will make the cut to be a bridesmaid, and the season and location. Then finally their wish comes true and they finally have a legitimate reason to plan a wedding. I’m not going to lie, I love weddings. People are always so optimistic about life and love and it’s a happy occasion where families and guests have fun together and celebrate the couple’s decisions to (hopefully) spend their lives together. However, it seems that weddings are more for the guests than anything else. The truth of the matter is that a wedding isn’t necessary for a marriage. There are plenty other better investments of time and money that could be made instead of using it on wedding. Yes, it’s sentimental and beautiful but it’s not always practical. And that’s a truth a lot of people won’t admit.
Winter is here
Winter is almost here and it’s finally the Christmas season. To me it seems like Christmas is the holiday that comes around the quickest. Even if the year drags on, the time between Christmases seems short. This year I’m looking forward to less of a climate change since I’m now in a different geographical location I hope the winter will not involve scraping snow off my car at any point. But let’s be honest, the start of winter is an indication that cuffing season is yet again upon us. If you don’t know what that means, I’m sure urban dictionary will be happy to explain. Nonetheless, I think that people are more susceptible to get caught up in a whirlwind of emotions around this time of year. It’s colder, another person is another warm body, and warmth is essential. And there you go making allowances and lowering standards for something (or someone) you would have turned your nose up at during the summer or rather just politely refused. It’s during this time that some people made the sad decision to make permanent plans with temporary people not realizing that it was just cold outside and they really aren’t thinking straight. It is what it is but the nice thing is that eventually you’ll turn the heat off and once again use the sun for warmth and standards will raise once again.
Alisha's Angle 