Too needy? 

Like many single people, I often get the chance to hear the reason why I’m single from many nice and well-meaning people. Personally, I find the unsolicited advice annoying but that’s a different topic. The reasons always vary and tend to involve some advice on self improvement. All well and good. This week I heard a new reason that seemed more ironic than the other ones I’ve heard up to this point. I was told that I’m single because I appear to be too independent and “put together” that it appears that I don’t need anyone. I will say that there’s a certain type of confidence that comes along with the continued ability to manage your bills and life without the input or assistance of a significant other. You make the hard decisions and life with the consequences alone. It may not always be ideal but you make it. But let’s be honest, people like being needed. There’s a certain security that comes along with knowing that you’re needed. You see couples who have broken up with both partner feeling utterly lost because they were so codependent on each other that they lost themselves in a relationship that ended. I think that there’s a balance or a sweet spot to be found concerning being “too” needy or “too” independent. Personally, it makes more sense to me to be too independent instead of too needy because it almost seems like the “lesser” evil. You have people with bucket lists of places that they want to visit and the only thing holding them back is finding someone to take along. Regardless of everything responsibilities have to be addressed and bills need to be paid. I think that’s just basic adulting stuff. It’s not an indication of being too independent to have a companion. But that’s just my opinion. So am I going to try to appear more needy for the sole purpose of landing a significant other? Nah. 

One thought on “Too needy? 

  1. If this ain’t the truth I don’t know what is. For me, as a “too independent” woman, most men are caught up with the ‘what does she need me for, she does everything herself’ rather than looking at it from a humanly– soul-to-soul– perspective. As you said, everyone, and I mean everyone, wants to feel needed. So, to the man that thinks I don’t need anything…I do! I need a man to need me and want me. I may not need your money or need you to take out the trash, but I do need you. I may not need you to take my car to get an oil change or to wash it, but I do need you! Even if I look like I’m “too independent,” I’m not too independent for a MAN!!

    Alisha–thank you for the post. It’s always nice to know I’m not alone or going crazy when it comes to topics like this 😉

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