I realized that I hadn’t posted in a while so I wanted to remedy that. After all, I’ve had this blog for the past three years or so and I’ve been pretty consistent in writing. One thing that I’ve written about multiple times is the inevitability of change. There is an unspoken guarantee that almost nothing will be consistent. I’ll be honest, I get bored easily. It bothers me to spend hours of time in mindless activity without something to hold my attention. I’m all about being aware of new opportunities because I hate the feeling of being trapped into something that could have been avoided. One thing that I’ve always said that I want to live abroad. I’ve visited several places overseas and I’ve always wanted the experience of staying for more than a few days at a time. I expressed this desire a few times to some friends of mine. A luck would have it, last week I was staring at a job offer letter to a position in Germany. It was such a surreal feeling to have what I said I wanted staring me back in the face. However, after some in-depth inquiry and some online research I came to the conclusion that it just wasn’t a great fit for me personally. As an adult, I’ve learned the importance of saying “no” to something when it doesn’t suit you. There are way too many people stuck in miserable situations because they said yes to something that ultimately wasn’t for them. It’s about keeping the big picture in mind and making small decisions that line up to that.
Tag Archives: career
Too needy?
Like many single people, I often get the chance to hear the reason why I’m single from many nice and well-meaning people. Personally, I find the unsolicited advice annoying but that’s a different topic. The reasons always vary and tend to involve some advice on self improvement. All well and good. This week I heard a new reason that seemed more ironic than the other ones I’ve heard up to this point. I was told that I’m single because I appear to be too independent and “put together” that it appears that I don’t need anyone. I will say that there’s a certain type of confidence that comes along with the continued ability to manage your bills and life without the input or assistance of a significant other. You make the hard decisions and life with the consequences alone. It may not always be ideal but you make it. But let’s be honest, people like being needed. There’s a certain security that comes along with knowing that you’re needed. You see couples who have broken up with both partner feeling utterly lost because they were so codependent on each other that they lost themselves in a relationship that ended. I think that there’s a balance or a sweet spot to be found concerning being “too” needy or “too” independent. Personally, it makes more sense to me to be too independent instead of too needy because it almost seems like the “lesser” evil. You have people with bucket lists of places that they want to visit and the only thing holding them back is finding someone to take along. Regardless of everything responsibilities have to be addressed and bills need to be paid. I think that’s just basic adulting stuff. It’s not an indication of being too independent to have a companion. But that’s just my opinion. So am I going to try to appear more needy for the sole purpose of landing a significant other? Nah.
Cable and my new favorite binge watching show
When I moved into my new apartment I did something that I had always wanted to do—got cable television. Now granted I don’t have enough channels to even remotely keep up with things in the television world, but it’s been a decent deal. Of course my cable use has been supplemented with my TV antenna, Hulu, Netflix, and Amazon Videos so I really don’t miss a lot. I rarely watch things in real time but I’ve come to love the DVR. It’s so amazingly convenient to watch things when you want to. I’ve found a new favorite show to DVR–Modern Family. About 120 episodes worth if we’re being specific. It’s an awesome show about the daily life experiences and challenges of families. It’s not really a comedy but there’s this dry ironic underlying humor vibe that I like. Needless to say, watching an episode or so after a long day at work has been great for decompressing after a long frustrating day at work. It’s comfortable and doesn’t require a lot of thought…Self care right?
Thoughts in May
May has always been an interesting month for me. I’ve graduated in this month, made some major decisions, and it’s also my half birthday –although I’ve never celebrated. May tends to be full of so many things to do with so little time. I’ve taken trips, made huge decisions and done some fun stuff in between. Last year in May I finally came to the final realization that I needed to leave my current geographical location and do something different. While the timing of when I actually moved was a different thing, the decision was made in May. I realized that it was time to cut a few of my losses and push forward despite a pretty uncomfortable disappointment. I’ve taken a trip that I hoped would produce a better outcome than it did. I’ve been very deliberate about my career and getting experience in a variety of different areas but May has traditionally been the time when I decide that some sort of change is necessary and I start making some decisions in order to facilitate that change. We’ll see what changes this month brings.
Monday
It’s once again Monday morning and I have to admit I wish it were Friday. I have a friend social media who calls Monday the root of all evil and I have to agree at times. It’s an abrupt ending to rest and relaxation and the beginning of another five days of stress. While I’ve had this schedule for the past few months it hasn’t gotten easier. However my tolerance has increased so I’m able to get more done when I get home instead of passing out on my couch. There’s an increased sense of dread when Sunday evening comes around because I know that Monday looming on the horizon. This morning I didn’t want to get up but I pushed through and got my 5am workout in. I’ve never been much of a morning person and while I’m forced to be at this point, it’s still not my thing. The Monday feeling is an indication that I need to reevaluate my life and keep my options open. Of course I’m more than ready to retire at this point but that’s not necessarily the most realistic idea. It would be different if the days I worked were equal to the days I got off. Maybe I’m in a “grass is greener” cycle because that was my last job. However the caveat was that it also included 12 hour shifts and a rotating schedule. But at least the countdown to the weekend begins again today.
Alisha-isms
These past few weeks have been unusually stressful for me. I feel like everyone has a certain level of stress that they manage and cope with on a daily basis. It’s like a “regular load” of sorts. And then there are the things that can’t really be helped. It’s like Murphy’s Law gone haywire. The past two weeks have been exactly like that. From my job doubling my caseload, to car troubles, to making a decision to separate myself from someone who didn’t have my best interest in mind–it’s been exhausting. I was talking to someone the other day and I said that I felt like building a fort in my house out of blankets and chairs, crawling in and never coming out. Very unreasonable I know. The theme of my life sometimes seems to be this song “You Can’t Win.” But one thing that I’ve learned is the importance of being flexible and resourceful when necessary. I have to admit that times like this make me miss the presence of a significant other in my life. I’m not complaining but it would be nice to have someone as an actual support who had a vested interest in my life and was there because they wanted to be. Don’t get me wrong, I love my family and would do anything for them but it would so clutch to not go to bed alone every night. I’ve never been one to flaunt my single status or to complain about it but there’s something to be said about the power of “we” versus “me.” Normally I would take this time to launch into some Pollyanna-like declaration that everything will be fine. Someone will come into my life who genuinely want to be in it and I’ll experience some degree of happiness in the future. But I’m just not feeling it right now. Yes, I’ll be fine. I’ve been living this way up to this point and a change isn’t anywhere on the horizon. I’ll continue to adapt and make adjustments as necessary but it honestly does just plain suck at times. But that’s my life. At least for now.
The tendency to overthink
Recently I had a very long conversation with a friend of mine regarding a similar experience we were having. Don’t get my wrong, I’m glad that I chose my particular career path. Social work/counseling is a good fit for my personality and I genuinely enjoy helping others. However, one sees things in a totally different light when you’ve studied human interactions and behaviors from an academic point of view. When you’ve met with hundreds and talked at length about their personal challenges and relationship woes. The way you perceive the world around you changes when perfect strangers feel comfortable walking up to you and sharing details about the personal life and current problem because (apparently) you have the “trust me I’m a therapist/safe person” face. One thing my friend and I discussed was how hard (somewhat impossible) it is to separate professional knowledge from actual emotion in personal relationships. As a therapist you question everything. One’s hidden motives, past history, emotions, and body language to come to a conclusion on the best course of action to help them. I think that’s one of the reasons it’s so hard to take anything at face value in personal relationships and the tendency can be to overthink. If overthinking was a professional sport, I would be a pro. I love connecting the dots and making sense of complicated and complex information. It’s a great professional skill to have, but using a professional skill for personal use definitely has a downside. I think it comes down to taking it a day at a time and becoming okay with not knowing all the information up front. Which, by the way, can be very frustrating but also necessary to cultivate a healthy balance.
College Life Reflections
One of the features that I enjoy on my most used social media site is the one where you can see what you had posted on that same day in years past. Not too long ago I ran across a status I had written describing my excitement of starting college and classes. Looking back, it feels like it happened a million years ago. I remember agonizing about what my major would be and feeling torn between social work, psychology, and music. College was unlike anything I had ever experienced. It was great because I had the opportunity to meet new people, manage a schedule, and experience life in another structured and sheltered environment that was in a lot of ways like my home life. I learned a lot about assertiveness when I had to challenge grades with certain teachers. Before graduation I had to advocate for myself when it came down to required classes for graduation and I found a loophole and used it to my advantage. I learned about discipline and while I never perfected the art of studying, I learned about the benefits of procrastination and racing to meet a deadline while still delivering a quality scholarly work. College taught me the importance of time management and balancing conflicting priorities. The untimely deaths of several of my classmates reminded me of the importance of appreciating and living life to the fullest. Looking back, there’s not a lot I would change–except maybe being a bit more open minded and allowing myself to have more fun instead of being in the books all the time. Ah well.
Figuring it out
I’ve loved seeing all the typical resolutions that have been flying around social media around this time of year. Everyone wants to be better, nicer, kinder, and thinner. It’s almost 10 days into the new year and I don’t have a nice organized list of all the things I want to accomplish. I am very aware that my lack of planning might end in a disaster and I don’t believe in planning as I go so something has to change. I’m still getting my bearings in the new location and making decisions regarding what I feel is the best use of my time. One thing that has been nice is the downtime I’ve had–which really hasn’t occurred at any point in my professional career. However, it’s time to evaluate again and make some decisions and put it on paper (or rather on my iPhone) so I can actually land among the stars while shooting for the moon.
Twenty-fifteen in review
I must say that 2015 has been to date the most pivotal year of my life. It started out on a sunny beach in Mexico with a new job lined up and went on from there. I started and got oriented to the schedule of the new job. This year I didn’t make as many smaller trips as I would have liked but my trips to France and Greece made up the difference. I had a great time at both places and would love to visit more countries. This year I finally bought some furniture after living like an indoor camper for 3 years. A couch, tv, dining room table, and bookshelves were added to my apartment and definitely made it more visitor friendly. Several friends and family flew in to hang out and spend the weekend with me and we had a lot of fun. I took a step back from some of the obligations I had in 2014 and went on a quest of sorts to live life to the fullest with as few regrets as possible. I loved and subsequently catastrophically lost but learned through the experience as always. I finally attended a college and NFL football game. I moved across the country and did another major life overhaul. It was a good year with a surprise towards the end that I didn’t expect. Looking forward to bigger and better in 2016.
Alisha's Angle 