About a month or so ago I made the decision to join a gym. A friend of mine had invited me to join a 3 month challenge that involved making healthier food choices and an exercise regimen. So, being the all or nothing person that I am, I decided that the best way to be consistent was to go to a gym for my workouts. I’ve been fairly consistent for the last month and am starting to see the results. But it’s still not fun to me. I see people who enjoy their workouts and talk about how great it was but that’s still not my experience. Long story short, I’m there because I need to be–not because I woke up at 4:30am excited to get a great workout in. That’s the great thing about being a responsible adult. You end up doing things because you know that you’ll be happy you did in a few years or even decades even if you hate it at the moment. The nice thing is that it’s starting to get easier to wake up and I’m not bribing myself to get out of bed and go. It’s becoming more of a routine. And maybe I’ll actually start to like it. That would be great.
Category Archives: What I Think
The tendency to overthink
Recently I had a very long conversation with a friend of mine regarding a similar experience we were having. Don’t get my wrong, I’m glad that I chose my particular career path. Social work/counseling is a good fit for my personality and I genuinely enjoy helping others. However, one sees things in a totally different light when you’ve studied human interactions and behaviors from an academic point of view. When you’ve met with hundreds and talked at length about their personal challenges and relationship woes. The way you perceive the world around you changes when perfect strangers feel comfortable walking up to you and sharing details about the personal life and current problem because (apparently) you have the “trust me I’m a therapist/safe person” face. One thing my friend and I discussed was how hard (somewhat impossible) it is to separate professional knowledge from actual emotion in personal relationships. As a therapist you question everything. One’s hidden motives, past history, emotions, and body language to come to a conclusion on the best course of action to help them. I think that’s one of the reasons it’s so hard to take anything at face value in personal relationships and the tendency can be to overthink. If overthinking was a professional sport, I would be a pro. I love connecting the dots and making sense of complicated and complex information. It’s a great professional skill to have, but using a professional skill for personal use definitely has a downside. I think it comes down to taking it a day at a time and becoming okay with not knowing all the information up front. Which, by the way, can be very frustrating but also necessary to cultivate a healthy balance.
Single and supportive
Like many people, I often find myself annoyed when I’m added to groups on social media without my consent. Usually it’s a subject matter I’m not particularly interested in and serves no real purpose to my daily life. Not too long ago I saw a post from one of the groups that I had been inadvertently added to. The group was specifically for single women and someone apparently thought that I could benefit in some way from the content. Let me make a quick side note. There are some people who flaunt their singleness like a badge of honor telling any and everyone how happy they are to not be “tied down” to another person. Good for them but it’s not my thing. But I digress. In the group one of the administrators had posed a question asking how the members in the group were doing in their current state of singleness. The typical responses were extremely positive with respondents saying that they were having the best times of their life and that they were working on themselves and actively pursuing their spiritual path. However, one post from a member stood out in stark contrast to the others. This lady kept it 100 and basically said that the single life (for her) sucked and that it was lonely. Almost immediately the replies from other members started coming in. They chastised her for being lonely and said that she needed more prayer, and church attendance because something was wrong with her. The pettiness came out full force with accusations of bringing the group down and “focusing on the negative.” It was sad that the supposed purpose of the group was to be supportive of single women but quickly became a group of bullies after someone honestly shared how they were feeling. I don’t know what the moral of this story is but I’ll just say that if you join a support group just first make sure they are actually supportive. Or, develop a support system of real people who won’t jump down your throat when you’re honest about your feelings.
Social Work Month
I ran across this blog and wanted to repost it. March is Social Work month and while I don’t work in direct care as much, I have a lot of respect for those that do. When I was in school, I had grand dreams about the exciting life of a social worker and it definitely is. But there are ups and downs like any other profession but there’s always an opportunity to make a positive difference despite the many obstacles. It’s a thankless job at times but someone has to do it.
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I’ve been neglecting this blog in a big way recently. Some days, it’s really hard for me to get the motivation to write. But I’m trying to get back to updating regularly. I’m trying to find my way back to my passion that has gotten lost in the day-to-day shuffle of life. This month is […]
http://paigereitzsocialworker.com/2016/03/20/social-work-month/
Song memories
This past week I had the opportunity to attend the concert of a singer I really appreciate. Working a traditional schedule makes being out late on work nights a challenge because of the consistent early mornings. However, it was something that I really wanted to do and none of his subsequent tour dates coincided with my travels. So I went and had a good time. I had listened to this particular artist for most of my life and it was great to be at a concert where I knew all the songs. While I sat up in the rafters (literally) I could see everything and had a great view of the stage. It always amazes me how easy it is to have specific memories whether good or bad to be associated with a song. Whenever you hear a certain song you can be transported to years prior and remember all the emotions connected to a specific memory. When I worked in a nursing home I remember how much music time meant to the residents because it brought back memories of their younger years. It wasn’t uncommon to see a few tears shed as they reminisced about the “good old days.” One of the reasons why I think music therapy can be so effective for people is that it really is a universal language that conveys the human experience in a way that everyone can relate to.
Phone time
One thing that I’ve heard in a lot of conversations recently (outside of the election) is the lack of quality conversations and interactions because everyone is on their phone. From the young to the old, it’s not uncommon to see people in restaurants texting away or checking social media but not talking to each other. It’s like no one wants to actually talk face to face and develop conversation skills. I’ve been on several dates in the last few weeks and I have to say that there are few things as rude as stopping mid-sentence and pulling out your phone. If I’m paying attention to you I don’t want to be sitting quietly while you scroll through your phone. Now, in no way am I saying that I’m not attached to my phone because that wouldn’t be the case. It’s almost like a security object. However, there are times when I know to put it away and have an actual conversation. It would be nice to see that happen just a bit more.
Being lost
It’s no surprise that traveling is one of my favorite things to do. I’ve traveled with friends and alone and I’ve discovered that there are certain advantages to both. One thing that I enjoy when I’m in an unfamiliar place is exploring or intentionally getting lost. No, I don’t go to some remote place out in nature and decide to hike. It’s usually either on foot or by car in some heavily populated area. While I’m in the States I’ll turn off my GPS and just drive for a bit making random turns and looking around. Getting back to more familiar sights is usually as easy as turning back on my GPS. However, there have been a few occasions where there was a malfunction of sorts and I had to wander around until I found my way back. I have to say that I have the most fun exploring in foreign cities. There’s something to be said about putting your map away and walking through streets and little walkways with other people who don’t speak your language. You don’t have the luxury of asking for directions and you get to be a silent observer as you watch people going about their daily tasks. It’s a totally different world. The best part about intentionally (or unintentionally) getting lost is that you have to figure out how to get back. At this point I tend to dig out my map and figure out the best route back to more familiar surroundings. Because as nice as it is to be lost and explore, there’s still no place like home aka the hotel.
The 29th
When I was younger I used to wish that I was born on this day because it would be fun to have a birthday once every four years. I remember the rhyme, “30 days have September, April, June, and November,” that ended with an explanation of Leap Day. Leap Day is an unofficial holiday of sorts–especially to those who were born on this day. I can’t help but think of the couples getting married who are secretly happy that they’ll only have to celebrate their anniversary once every 4 years like the Olympics. There’s also a part of me that wonders what it feels like to look at a calendar and not see the day you were born because it only occurs every 4 years. How do you explain that to a child who sees all his or her friends celebrating birthdays every year? Yes, you can celebrate the day before or the day after but it’s still not the same. Needless to say, I think that the extra day presents an opportunity to do something different than the norm–even if it means just taking the day off and having fun.
Post-Love Day
Today almost everything related to chocolates and candy is half off because the day is over. It’s always fun to see all the corny and sincere Valentine’s Day declarations. From the self loving single who proclaims that it’s his or her day to pamper themselves to the newly engaged couples with the smiles from ear to ear and to the older couples who have raised a family together and now are empty nesters. In years past I greeted the day with a mixture of frustration and happiness for all the people posting pictures of the awesome stuff they got. It warms my heart to see people happy and (at least for a few moments) publicly recognizing their significant others. It’s a day to appreciate what you have and acknowledge the role of love in the world–at least some degree.
Belly up
Not too long ago I had the opportunity to brush up on my therapy skills and put them into practice. Like anything, there are certain things you forget when you don’t have to use a certain set of skills consistently. While it’s easy to get back in groove (like riding a bike), the process requires additional preparation and planning. Something that stood out to me was the role of vulnerability in a successful intimate relationship. We have an impact on each other and walls are sometimes necessary because they serve as emotional protection in the face of real or perceived emotional danger. A certain amount of baggage typically comes along with two people entering a relationship. It’s not about finding a “perfect” person but more about choosing someone whose problems and emotional baggage complement yours. Vulnerability requires a certain amount of trust in the other person. The lines of communication have to be open without any topic being off limits. It’s interesting to witness adults in a variety of situations shy away from being assertive and discussing expectations about an uncomfortable topic. When I think about being vulnerable I think about watching dogs play and fight. Typically one dog wins when the other one surrenders by laying on its back and going belly up. It’s literally a position of vulnerability as it exposes vital organs leaving the dog at the mercy of its opponent. But it also signals the end of the fight. I think it’s important to remember that getting to that point of vulnerability takes time with human relationships. But it can be so worth it in the end when both people can communicate on that level without feeling attacked or judged.
Alisha's Angle 