Today in lieu of being at work (which typically is the case on weekends), I had the chance to watch several episodes of Fix My Life on OWN. I was intrigued by the work that Iyanla does with couples. On a particular episode she addressed a couple who had been married 20 years but weren’t sure if they wanted to stay married. Iyanla brought up the point that wedding vows typically say “until death do us part” but they aren’t specific on what type of death warrants parting ways. Is it a physical death? The death of one’s commitment? Or is it the death of one’s individuality or emotional stability and wellbeing? What exactly does it mean? I think that these questions are up to each couple to define. However, I wonder how many couples actually have this type of conversation? It’s easy to promise something when you’re happy and naive but it’s a different story when you’re in the midst of a relational crisis. This is another reason why I think pre-marital counseling can be so important. It can bring up questions that you hadn’t considered before and help you lay a solid foundation for a successful relationship.
Tag Archives: women
Loving Deeply
While I’m not as eloquent as this particular author, I think that her words accurately describe an experience that many people can’t relate to. Beautifully written. 
God & ManLet me tell you about people who love deeply. They are wells of feeling. Storms of hope and heart that never know when to stop the downpour. People who love deeply are both soft and strong, they are whirlwinds of rarity that will only ever know how to empty themselves out for the…
via Let Me Tell You About People Who Love Deeply — Thought Catalog
Memory Lane
Earlier this week I had the chance to chat with a friend (I’m using this term loosely) that I catch up with about once a year. We usually meet up in person but schedules wouldn’t allow it so we had to settle for a video chat. Have you ever had a conversation with someone and there were SO many things left unsaid that the conversation just felt heavy? It was like that. I was cool and kept it as surface and general as possible without getting into anything too personal. Annual conversations aren’t the best outlet to bare your soul. But as I talked to him I remembered the memories we’ve had over the years. I remember a moment when we were hanging out and I felt both incredibly happy and incredibly sad at the same time. It was a bittersweet moment in exponential proportions. It’s interesting how conversations with someone can bring back so many memories. I realized that I haven’t met anyone lately who even remotely compares to him education wise and also in ambition. While it’s not a bad thing, it does make dating just a little bit harder. The point is that there are some people in your life who you love but you really should only speak to once a year.
Getting attached easily
I woke up this morning to an article that a friend sent to me asking me to read. You can read the article here. I feel like the author hit the nail on the head. As someone who tends to give a general disclaimer to romantic prospects that I can be intense, I could definitely relate to the author’s words. It’s like running a race and having a lot of false starts. It’s easy to get attached when you want to get attached and as a result it can be hard to discern clearly what exactly is happening. You get tired of being the only one there for you and you just want a companion. It can be a two edged sword because being too open too quickly can be a recipe for disaster while staying closed off means that the relationship will never grow. Balance is key.
Emotional Hostage
Relationships can be tricky things. There isn’t a “one size fits all” formula that will work everyone. People want someone who will complement them because opposites tend to attract and it’s hard to have a good discussion when someone agrees with you ALL the time. But sometimes a relationship can develop into something like a hostage situation. You’ve seen it. There’s the couple who are always fighting and are constantly breaking up and getting back together again. One partner is always trying to distance themselves but they can’t stay away. The other person knows exactly what buttons to push and what to say in order to have the other partner cave in and stay with them as an emotional hostage. It’s a cycle of dysfunction that has become comfortable. While some people can end a relationship and remain friends, the best way to end an emotional hostage type of relationship is to stop having any contact with the person. Change your number, find a new hobby, move somewhere else, etc. It can absolutely be done but it takes effort, determination, and action to move on with your life and leave the dysfunction behind.
How to ruin your chance at finding love
I read this article and just HAD to share it. Definitely guilty of some of these things at one time or another and I’m sure a lot of people can relate. There’s so much truth to it. 
Assume that being independent and being in a relationship have to be two mutually exclusive things.
via 27 Ways To Sabotage Your Chances At Finding The Love Of Your Life — Thought Catalog
Smart girls with trust issues
God & ManShe has trust issues because she relies on her mind as much as her heart. She isn’t the type to blindly listen to her feelings without looking at the situation logically. If she’s going to give herself to someone, she needs to know that the person is trustworthy. That they aren’t playing around with her. That they…
via This Is Why The Smartest Girls Have Serious Trust Issues — Thought Catalog
Seeing the humor in life
I have to admit that this picture made me smile. It’s the story of my life this year.
A hard decision
I’m not quite sure why I’m sharing this story but I learned a lot so here goes. At the beginning of the year (mid-January) I got dumped. I’ll have to tell that story one day. After I got dumped I decided that I needed to actually start dating for the first time in my life. A great idea in theory. So I signed up for some online dating sites and the games began. Literally. In my search I met a guy who it appeared I was pretty compatible with. On paper he had a lot of things that I would want in a potential mate. Grew up in a stable two parent home, masters degree, decent job, active in the community, etc. He was also nice-looking and could dress (added bonus). I don’t know why, but I just felt drawn to him. We had similar values and interests and lived within a reasonable distance of each other. We had some conversations and found out that we had a lot in common. Being the communicative person that I am, I made it clear from the beginning what I wanted out of a relationship that was absolutely non-negotiable. Time and attention. We texted every day but whenever the conversation meandered to spending some actual time together (i.e. a date) he would dodge and tell me about how busy he was. It got annoying and then it felt like I was nagging and I didn’t want to be that person. So I stopped and he never initiated anything. I waited a few weeks and then told him that it appeared we both wanted different things and that I was taking a step back. He never bothered to reply. The sad thing was that I think we had great potential. But I can’t make anyone decide to spend time with me and I want it to be entirely their decision. I don’t know what it was but I felt inexplicably drawn to him and wanted to be one of the things in his life that brought him happiness. He was intriguing and complex and was unlike anyone I’d ever known. I would have loved to get to know him better but he never gave me that chance. I had to make the hard decision to cut my losses and walk away because I wasn’t getting what I needed and he flat out refused to even schedule any time with me. Wish there had been a different outcome.
To The Girl Who Won’t Move On Because She’s Afraid That There Would Be No One Else — Thought Catalog
PixabayTo the girl who won’t move on, because she’s afraid that there would be no one else, I beg of you, let go. Stop chasing after a boy who just can’t see your worth. He may have said all these beautiful things to you and maybe, at some point, there was little truth in what…
via To The Girl Who Won’t Move On Because She’s Afraid That There Would Be No One Else — Thought Catalog
Absolutely loved this article. Very timely words and they are very true. I think that sometimes it can be so hard to put yourself first because you would rather be with someone than alone. But sometimes you have to respect the choices of others and move on–no matter how hard it is.
Alisha's Angle 