A while back I had a conversation with someone that I’ve known for a while and we were discussing their previous career aspirations. They spoke at length about the work that they had done in engineering with NASA. During the course of the conversation they mentioned how in this context, engineers and other relevant personnel knew the difference between “regular” time and real time. Regular time involved the somewhat present and the future. It wasn’t a critical matter and there was time to evaluation and make changes based on results and tests. Real time was totally different and focused on the here and now. Everything had to be squared away and had to run smoothly because it was mission-critical. A mistake at this point would have disastrous results and there wasn’t a chance to change or adjust because everything was happening in real time. It reminded me of life. We aren’t offered a dress rehearsal and there are no do-overs. Everything happens in real time. While we make mistakes, most of us try to make as few as possible because there can be lifelong repercussions from brief moments of stupidity. People die with regrets and so many people would make different choices if they only knew what the future consisted of. One of my new (lifelong) goals is to make more decisions in real time. Like a lot of people I know, I’m notorious for thinking and re-thinking even the smallest decision because I want to successfully separate the pros and the cons before I come to a conclusion. I’m not advocating for being really impulsive but I am saying that one thing I’ve learned (through life and also my job) is that your gut instinct is usually right. Sometimes you just know things and while there’s no way to articulate why or how, you just know. It’s in those situations I think we benefit and grow from going with our gut and not always succumbing to the urge to second guess, become anxious, or worry about something that was already decided. It’s then that we can make the decision to be ok with it and let the chips fall where they may because after all, life is lived on real time.
Tag Archives: thoughts
Becoming Successful
Not too long ago I ran across this intriguing article . You can read it for yourself here. Maybe it’s my background in therapy and couples counseling that made this article really grab my attention. The basic premise of this article is that the person you marry can determine whether or not you’re successful in life. I’ve seen this happen firsthand in my work with couples. You have the ambitious partner and then the one who wants their partner to spend more time with them. While they deserve to have the attention of their partner, they totally miss the concept of how to make their needs known without nagging or appearing needy. Meanwhile the ambitious partner doesn’t understand why this is an issue. They are working hard for the benefit of the family and in many cases also happen to be the partner who is either the primary breadwinner or the one who makes substantially more than their partner. There is a breakdown in communication because of the priorities of both partners and the lack of understanding on both sides. The article discusses a study done that showed that people who have conscientious partners tend to be happier, make more money, and are more satisfied in their careers. Makes sense to me. The key to all this is getting conscientious partner and more importantly, BEING a conscientious partner. This is something that a lot of people fail to think about when deciding to have a future with someone. There’s not usually a conversation between partners regarding expectations of the relationship and what each person prefers in terms of support. Two can definitely better than one but not when they aren’t on the same page.
My $100 mistake
I’ll be the first to admit that my spending habits are not always as disciplined the way that they should be. This story happened about two years ago so it’s not super recent but it was a very valuable learning experience. Anyway, one of the things that I’ve come to enjoy are comedy shows because I like humor. Anyway, I was at a comedy show and I got an SOS message from a somewhat close acquaintance asking me to call them as soon as possible. Now, because it wasn’t from a member of my immediate family or close circle I decided to wait until after the show to call the person back. So I did. Thinking that it was some big emergency I called as soon the show was over somewhat concerned. The emergency was the fact that this person wanted to borrow some money from me. Now, when that happens the answer is usually a straight “no.” I hate mixing money with friends and acquaintances and usually will just give it away and not worry about it instead of wrecking a relationship. I don’t think that it’s worth the hassle of lending it out. Now, it wasn’t an obscene amount of money—about a hundred and a half (ish). It was for a good cause and they promised to pay me back the next week. However intuition, common sense, and intelligence were screaming “don’t do it!!!” But, to be honest I was at a point in my life where I was still searching for reasons to have faith in humanity. I guess it was a personal thing. I wanted to trust that this person had good intentions despite the fact that I had known them for a few short months. So, I said yes. Against my better judgment and trying to have faith in humanity and taking a risk. Second mistake in this fiasco was that I let this person use my debit card for the transaction that they so desperately needed. Well, not my actual card but I gave them all the appropriate numbers deciding to trust that they were trustworthy. So the next day I awoke to a text message that informed me that this person had “accidentally” charged $100 more than I had authorized on my card. Being that it was a debit card, the money was already gone from my account. It was then that I found out that the money was actually for this person’s friend who (ironically) I actually knew personally. It was then that my feelings toward the situation gravitated towards significant irritation and annoyance. Mostly at the fact that there was a more noticeable lack of funds in my bank account due to my own stupidity and not making a smart decision. Needless to say, I was only reimbursed the original amount which left me $100 poorer and it was a bad situation all around. Lesson learned. I guess the icing on the cake was a few unauthorized charges that appeared a few months later on my account totaling about $200 that required the freezing of my account and the issuing of a difference card with the accompanying stress. Faith in humanity substantially shaken. They say an ounce of experience is more than a pint of advice and I certainly learned a lesson.
Turning it Off
I’m a little obsessive with ensuring my phone is charged as much as possible at all times. At any point I’m usually within ten feet of one of my phone chargers. I feel anxious if my batter percentage drops below 50% and immediately begin planning how much time I have to find an outlet and charge the phone again. I’ve met people who don’t care about that stuff and as a result let their phones die. While there’s nothing wrong with that, it can be very inconvenient for people trying to get in contact with them. Let’s not forget that a phone can be helpful if you’re ever stranded. A few years ago I had my phone stolen by a homeless lady. Needless to say, I was very upset. Not just because I had gone against my better judgment and given her money, but because I had a 16g memory card in my phone that contained pictures and videos from about three years of my college experience. All gone. Needless to say, it wasn’t backed up in a computer and I lost it all. I was devastated. There’s a picture that circulated a while back of a man busy in his phone while he missed the opportunity to see a whale. I wonder how many real life moments I’ve missed because of that same thing. No, I don’t intend to give up my cell phone or downgrade to a non-smart phone, but I do need to be more mindful of what’s around me. And maybe it’s ok to let my phone die or even turn it off once in a while so that I can be 100% tuned into something a bit more meaningful than social media.
The Leftie Life
I’ve been left handed for as long as I can remember. It’s always been weird bumping elbows with people at the table and using scissors that are excruciatingly uncomfortable. The combination of being homeschooled AND left handed lent itself to the assumption many people made that I was smart. The jury is still out on that one but I must admit that being left handed requires you to think a lot more. You have to write really weirdly on spiral notebooks and judge distances when you are trying to navigate activities designed for righties. Let’s not forget how uncomfortable it is to sit at a right handed desk and actually take legible notes because you don’t have anywhere to put your elbows. The funny thing is that while I use utensils and write with my left hand, I do pretty much everything else with my right hand because it just comes more naturally. I don’t know that many left handed people and I remember reading stories as a kid of parents who forced their children to be right handed when they saw that they favored their other hand. I ran into this interesting article that talk about characteristics of left handed people and it was rather eye opening for me. I won’t comment on all of the assertions of the article but I will say that as a leftie who knows a few other lefties, I do think that we indeed do get angrier in certain stressful situations but I don’t know if that should be blamed on being left handed.
The Move
This week has definitely been interesting to say the least. I’ve always hated packing things up and I was spared this mind- numbing activity by my wonderful mother who consented to be flown in from across the continent to help me pack. I had forgotten how much time and energy goes into moving considering the fact that I haven’t moved in almost 4 years. College was one of those times where I always felt like I was dissembling my life every four months when the semester ended and I used to hate having to pack while studying for finals. When I got a letter in the mail informing me of a raise in the rent I decided it was time to look at other housing options. While I love the idea of a new environment, the actual execution of packing and looking for a new apartment was very daunting. One of my retirement activities needs to be scrapbooking because I like to keep small and insignificant mementos that end up in random shoeboxes stored away. The thing about moving is that it takes some adjusting. You have to find all your favorite things, arrange your kitchen and then change your address on everything. As much as I love being spontaneous and doing new things, I’m also a creature of habit and I don’t like moving once a place becomes familiar. And while the new place qualifies as an “I made it” sort of place with many of the coveted amenities of apartments, it’s still unfamiliar and weird. I think that one of the reasons moving is stressful is because people are required to adjust to a new environment. They no longer sleep and eat in the same place. It takes some getting used to. I’ve put off buying any furniture for the past 3 years so maybe it’s time to get that done.
Missing Home
Growing up, Easter was always a special time of year. Not because of bunnies and rabbits or because of some of the religious traditions of Holy Week but because of Alumni Weekend. The time where my family and I made the relatively short trip to Alabama for the weekend. As a homeschooled kid, these trips were good great for seeing how “regular” kids were and just taking in the sights that only come with a large gathering of thousands. This trip was made every year without fail. Through multiple kids and carting strollers up and down stadium steps, my parents adapted and made it work. My family didn’t celebrate Easter however many family members made it a point to be present this weekend. From aunts, uncles, and extended cousins to people we considered family, it was like a huge yearly reunion. From childhood to adolescence to adulthood, this weekend is the second time in my life (the first being three years ago) that I’ve missed this event. I’ve attended as a grandchild and child of students who attended, as a student myself and then as a student who graduated. The routine is always the same with the exception of little adjustments. This weekend I’m feeling especially homesick as I’m missing the feeling of being in the familiar environment in which I spent 21 years or so of my life. It’s a habit that has become a tradition I don’t like to deviate from. It is a family reunion of sorts–especially considering the fact that I don’t go to my actual family reunions. Everyone doesn’t have the chance to go to a college where their grandparents and parents, cousins and other extended family members either taught at or attended. I had an awesome college experience and while I didn’t believe when people said that college is the best years of your life, I believe it now. Not that there’s nothing to look forward to but there’s something special about living for four years with people you’ve grown up with and known for years and bonding over mutual experiences. I won’t live that close to that many friends at any point in my life again. Adulthood has happened and I have to adjust accordingly. I’m a fan of new adventures but sometimes it’s nice to visit where you grew up and catch up with old friends. There’s no place like home and today I miss my college one.
Mascara-The Song
I haven’t posted about a song in a while and thought that it was time to do so. There are few albums that I’ve gotten and actually regretted the fact that I didn’t buy it the day that it was released and this is one of them. This entire CD is fire and Jazmine has a unique sound that can’t be replicated. This song is in first person and describes a woman who decides to go against the grain. While it’s not ridden with expletives there are a few for effect. The song continues on to describe a woman who decides to work smart instead of hard and allow others to finance her life while she provides certain incentives. One of the stipulations in the agreement is that she makes a deliberate effort to never not look good. This song is not the easiest to sing but Jazmine makes it seem easy as she transitions from falsetto to her chest voice effortlessly while still respecting and displaying her amazing vocal skills Now, I can’t give you all the reasons why I love this song and why it’s been on repeat for the past two weeks straight except to say that it’s one of the most well-written songs I’ve heard in the while. The lyrics match the music and Jazmine’s voice in a flawless coming together of emotion and melody that moves you. The thing I like about this album is that there are no bad songs. Each song is different and unique in its own right and conveys real human emotion. That’s what separates good music from great music.
weekend travels
So once again I’m on another trip. This time it’s to a place that is incredibly warm with humidity and bugs. To the point that one crawled in my food the other day and I didn’t freak out. The humidity here is so nice and I’ve gotten back into the habit of greeting perfect strangers. There’s something nice about going 90 MPH on the freeway with the windows down and music with a decent beat blasting from the speakers. The sad thing is that while this was a sorta vacation, homework is still due. I will always wonder what possessed me to be in an academic program that has school year round. Regardless, it’s nice to be in a different setting while slaving away writing. One thing that was great this trip was seeing friends and sleeping on the beach. I feel like I don’t really sleep until I get to a beach. I sat in the sun and baked for an extended amount of time and my skin tone is testament to that fact. The thing I hate about coming home is working again but that will probably be a constant thing as long as I continue to finance my own trips. It’s been a good experience and I’ve decided that another weekend trip to Florida is in order for sometime later in the year. Did I mention that it’s summer down here already?
Jobs and Creatives
I ran across this intriguing article the other day. The first thing that caught my eye was the fact that the author mentions a group of people called creatives, and while I haven’t heard that term used a lot in relation to a specific category of people, I think it’s similar to people we often call “free-spirits.” You can read the article here. The basic assertion is that creative people hate the traditional 9-5 job and I can definitely relate. While I am an individual who appreciates structure and routine at times, my aversion to feeling confined puts me in the category of people who strongly dislike traditional work hours in traditional settings. The article references the fact that creatives hate to restrict motivation to certain hours during the day. I’ve never been much of a morning person–preferring instead to wake up at my own pace and start my day on my own terms. That’s just not possible in most jobs where you have to be at work between the hours of 7 and 9am Monday through Friday. That’s way too much structure for my taste. I love the idea of taking random breaks during the day to run errands and shop and then return to work. Sounds idealistic I know. Working at my own pace without being micromanaged is also important to me because I think I’m quite capable of getting work accomplished in a reasonable period of time without multiple interruptions from those who have the need to reassure themselves that I am indeed doing my job. It’s funny how much of the work world in the States revolves around this type of schedule. Working 5 days and then only having 2 days off to recuperate. I tried a job with traditional hours and lasted a little bit over three months because it was way too much structure for my tastes. While I don’t think I would categorize myself as a “creative,” after reading the article I can relate to every single one of the annoyances of having a traditional work schedule. I guess that’s why I work nights. For now at least.
Alisha's Angle 