Category Archives: Uncategorized

Video by

My Favorite Non-Optimistic Song

I’m somewhat of a music nerd that occasionally holds personal emotional listening parties in which I listen to music that depicts the emotion that I’m feeling. Happy, sad, angry, content, tired, or even annoyed. I think that most people have a go-to song that they use for motivation. Athletes sometimes even have a certain playlist of songs that they play before they have to go out on the field in order to get them into the mindset they need. This song is my absolute favorite song for when I’m feeling overwhelmed or upset and I want some empathy and also motivation. This song is perfect for me. I think that we’ve all had a “you can’t win” day. It’s a part of life. Whenever I have a day like that, I play this song and I instantly feel better. While the message of the song may not be the most optimistic, it’s a great depiction of how I feel when everything is going wrong. There’s no “everything will be ok” feel to this song but despite this, I still find it to be encouraging. We live in an uncertain world and sometimes life throws us curveballs that require us to regroup and adapt to unexpected changes. I like this song because it doesn’t pull any punches. There’s no rosy assertion that the sun will come out tomorrow. It’s pretty blunt. And sometimes that’s nice to hear when you’re upset or frustrated. It’s just an acknowledgment of how you feel. For me, it’s just a therapeutic intervention that never fails to cheer me up and helps me feel a little better on those days where nothing goes right.

Image by

Don’t even bother

Don't even bother

One of my IG friends posted this and I HAD to comment on it. I really think that this statement is relevant to so many people–including myself. I like having as full of a picture as possible of an individual and sometimes that really isn’t needed. I think that this quote is alluding to the fact that individuals who aren’t interested in you will also not be interested in letting you find out more about them. I’m not going to go as far as to say that hiding things is childish but there is a certain maturity needed in order to facilitate open communication and to keep a relationship healthy. It’s naive to assume that everyone possesses this maturity and a lack of disclosure and strategic omissions about significant things in their life can be a blaring sign that they don’t possess this maturity. And yes, I’m learning this lesson myself.

by

Closed and Locked

I think that we all meet people at certain points in our lives who we want to get to know better. The best friendships and relationships are built on common interests. There are some friendships that fall together and others that take time and patience. However, it’s pretty near impossible to get to know someone who does not want to be known. You can beg, prod, plead, scheme, and ask, but a locked door is still a locked door. Some people need time in order to open up for a variety of reasons. However, it’s important to remember that many times these reasons are really good ones. Being vulnerable can be really uncomfortable and hard. I don’t think that it’s something that we should expect overnight. It takes time to build a relationship to the point where both people feel comfortable being themselves 100% of the time. And to be honest, I think that relationships like this are becoming more rare. As someone who is very picky about who my close friends are, I’m much more understanding of people who are totally closed off. It may be that they just want someone to take the time to get to know them instead of letting someone get close to them from day one. Trust takes time. We rarely meet people who we trust 100% after just meeting them. Get to know people as much as they want to be known and let them know that you would like to know them better. But also respect their wishes and don’t push them to open up. They will if they feel comfortable. Point blank.

Image by

Winter Wonderland

Winter Wonderland

As you can see by the picture, the word “cold” is an understatement. I haven’t spent a lot of time outside lately due to these type of temperatures, but I can honestly say that a jacket, gloves, and hat are pretty much a necessity. I’m not complaining hardcore about the cold because it could be worse. And while I pretty much still refuse to turn on the heat in my apartment, I could be without shelter. I was born and raised in the South and whenever it snows things shut down. Out here, you are still expected to act as if nothing happened and show up for work and your appointments on time. When I was in college, school was delayed one full week because of snow. It was great. Dealing with climate changes and cold like this is one thing that I guess goes with the territory of living somewhere where it actually gets pretty cold. You have to do certain things in order to leave your house such as shovel snow and scrape off your car that take additional minutes when you are trying to get to an appointment. I even went the extra mile and bought snow tires. I would never classify myself as a cold weather person and I admit that I don’t particularly see the purpose in temperatures such as the one in the picture because quite frankly, I chose not to live in a place like Canada or Alaska for a good reason. However, this is a part of the winter season and I’m sure that some people are enjoying these type of temperatures. More power to them. I need an electric blanket.

by

Second Guesses

I really need to make this a quick post because I’m playing hooky from this homework that I need to attend to. So here goes. I’m the type of person (and always have been) that second guesses myself. I’m great at making split second decisions. I can weigh the pros and cons appropriately and come to a logical conclusion. However, after the decision is made, I over-analyze it to death and then start to worry that I’ve missed some important piece of information that was critical to the decision that was just made. Very sad I know. Thankfully, I’ve usually taken enough time before the decision is made to know that it is the right one, but it still doesn’t eliminate my bad habit of second guessing the decision. I’m an analyzer by nature. I like cause and effect and knowing what will happen if I do something or make a certain choice. I’m also a risk taker, but these risks are very calculated and strategic based on prior knowledge of the situation. I like to know. While I’m not necessarily a worrier, (is that a word?) I hate to miss opportunities that could benefit me in the long run. I remember hearing someone say that sometimes it’s pointless to mull over something forever and that you just have to make a decision and live with the consequences. While I think that this is true, I also don’t want to miss something huge. I’m not someone who is indecisive though. When I need to make a decision I can make it almost instantly based on the information that I have and I’ll stick with it despite the fact that I second guess it. I want to get better at making decisions and not second guessing them because it really takes the time and energy that I could be using to do something more productive. There’s definitely always room for improvement.

by

We Want Pre-Nup!

I was speaking with someone today and we were talking about the state of marriage in the world we live in. The truth is that prenuptial agreements have become more popular because of the rising divorce rates. While I’ve heard conflicting arguments about the rightness or wrongness of having one, I have to say that I believe that for certain couples a prenuptial agreement is a necessity. Think of it this way, we buy insurance for our houses and our cars. Most of us wear a seatbelt when we drive. While insurance and seat belts are something that we hope we never have to use, they certainly come in handy when your safety or security is threatened. In the event of an accident, the terms of the insurance policy that you paid for and agreed to come into play. You can save money and emotional distress because of the preparation that you’ve made for a rainy day. Prenuptial agreements are insurance for your marriage. While many may argue that getting one means that you plan on getting a divorce, I don’t agree. The truth is that people change and you never know what the future may bring. Getting a divorce is usually stressful, time-consuming, and exhausting. It’s also usually very emotionally charged because it signifies the deterioration of a once close relationship. Taking the time to create and sign a prenuptial agreement can be helpful in reducing stress and also may prevent you from (for lack of a better term) getting screwed over by someone who now probably does not have your best interest at heart. Pre-nups between people who are equally poor or broke may not be as important as pre-nups between individuals who have considerable assets and who may have waited until their careers were stable to get married. With more people getting married at older ages and later in their careers, I think that a pre-nup is a good idea. You don’t want to work hard, get married, go through a divorce and have to fight tooth and nail for what you worked hard for. You don’t plan to ever use your insurance but you sure are glad you have it when something unexpected occurs. Just because you’re prepared doesn’t mean that you’re expecting something bad to occur. I believe in hoping for the best while preparing for the worst–especially as it pertains to marriage and pre-nups. It never hurts to have some insurance.

Image by

The Man Dilemma

The Man Dilemma

Some people say that a picture is worth a thousand words and I think that this one is no exception to that rule. I’ve seen it posted on a few social media sites with some very thought provoking comments made by different individuals. In a world where millions of children are growing up in homes without a consistent male presence, I think that this picture rings true. I have so much respect for single mothers who are working hard and raising their children. I think that family situations like these require a woman to take on additional roles and responsibilities that may traditionally be given to the “man of the house.” When you’re working hard, taking care of business, and raising kids, an ” I don’t need a man” mindset is fairly easy to require. When it’s just you and there is no one else, you begin to become more self-reliant and creative in order to ensure that things run smoothly. A life like this sometimes comes about because of necessity as opposed to a conscious choice. You do what you have to do in order to survive. Period. The lady on the left is right. She doesn’t need a man because she is doing everything on her own. There’s such a delicate balance between an “I don’t need a man” and a “My life isn’t dependent on the presence of a significant other in my life but I’d love to have one” mindset. It’s going to be hard for any man to adjust into a familial environment like the one depicted in the picture because the odds are already stacked against him. His contributions to the family won’t be as appreciated because he isn’t “needed.” Bitterness sometimes comes as a result of these situations and unfortunately, it affects children in one way or another and can perpetuate the cycle as the picture suggests. Folks, we’ve got to do better.

by

Money, money, money

Growing up, I was taught the verse that admonished me to not love money because it was the beginning of evil. No truer words have even been spoken. Human greed is a powerful thing and millions have died as the result of the selfish decisions of a few. With millions of people chasing the “American Dream” with hopes of one day becoming independently wealthy, one has to ask, does money buy happiness? Depending on who you are (and how much money you have) your answer to this question will vary. I’ve always been told that money doesn’t buy happiness, but as I’ve gotten older I’ve grown to disagree with that statement. I humbly submit that money actually does buy happiness. In the world today there so much emphasis on doing what makes you happy and being happy in life. I for one, don’t particularly subscribe to that perspective. Over the course of my life, I’ve bought things that have inadvertently brought me happiness. With money. I’m not a genius but I know that the having more money in my particular situation would increase my quality of life and also allow me to travel more which would translate to happiness. Happiness is fleeting and doesn’t last for an extended period of time. It’s not necessarily something that you can hoard and save for a special occasion. While money may buy happiness, it doesn’t bring lasting peace or joy, it won’t buy you good health, it won’t solve your family problems and it won’t save you from dying. But it comes in handy in times of stress, can improve your quality of life if used wisely, and consequently, can buy you things and experiences that bring you happiness. Not peace of mind. But definitely happiness.

by

Exclusivity…

Recently I was talking to a friend of mine who has a fairly successful consulting business and we were discussing marketing strategies. I asked him about doing more mainstream advertising in order to gain more visibility in the local area—an idea that he quickly shut down. I asked him his reason and he told me that he wanted to be able to control who he works with. Hence, he wanted to be able to be picky with the clients he chooses to help. And then, in typical friend fashion, he proceeded to tell me about how I was exclusive as well. I think that part of human nature is to surround ourselves with people who share common interests with us. We belong to groups of people who look the same way as us, do the same things as us, and think the same way that we do. Doing this isolates us with our own kind and tends to make us exclusive in our little groups. You can’t really get more exclusive than growing up homeschooled. Your peers are your siblings and the only clique that exists is the one that you make. My entire high school experience consisted of doing homework on my bed with my dog beside me. To top it off, after high school I went to a small private school for college which was a small subculture in itself. The majority of the students, faculty, and administrators adhered (or at least claimed) to a certain set of beliefs that were very unique and also very distinguishable when compared to the mainstream typical college culture. The uniqueness of this environment lent itself to an attitude of exclusiveness because of the beliefs and practices that set the whole school apart from thousands of others. We have tons of inside jokes that would make absolutely no sense to anyone who has not been exposed to the school, its beliefs, or the accompanying subculture. All this being said, exclusiveness exists everywhere. Life consists of socialization and relationships with various people in groups. Point blank. But it’s also important to take time out to get out of our own little bubble and meet people who aren’t like us. Instead of hanging with people who we identify with, we need to take the time to talk to people who we want to identify with one day. A wise person once said to hang with people who have your solution and not your problems. Being exclusive may work for a while and it may even be to your benefit at times, but at the end of the day you separate yourself from people and experiences that could be opportunities to grow.

Image by

What a Scandal!

What a Scandal!

First of all, I’m not a huge TV watcher. I don’t have cable or satellite but I must admit that this particular television show has caught my attention. Scandal is a television show that is based on the life of Olivia Pope who fixes scandals that arise with many of the leading people in Washington. Ironically, Olivia has a scandal of her own and a closet full of skeletons. Olivia is also in an on-again, off-again relationship with the (married) President. This show has numerous twists and turns that you would never expect and there seems to be a new development in every episode. One of the reasons why I think that Scandal is so popular is because people can identify with one of more of the characters in some way. I think that the show depicts true human nature and life in general. On the show, individuals do things that you might not expect. While the characters on the show present themselves in a certain light, as the show continues, you discover that these people have done things in their past that have been either illegal, ethically wrong, or put other people in danger. Some of the questions that Scandal forces us to ask ourselves are: Where is the limit to human greed and selfishness? If you love the “right” person and marry them, is it then acceptable to fall out of love with them and pursue another relationship because the “right” person has now become the “wrong” person for who you have become? Is cheating really cheating when it is done fairly openly and the other partner knows about it and may even encourage it? The truth is that Scandal makes us take a look at ourselves. What lengths would we go to in order to protect the people that we love from harm? How would we say no to someone who is like a drug to use and makes promise after promise but is still married to someone else? As a therapist, one thing that fascinates me about the show is the effect that Olivia’s childhood has had on her significant relationships. There’s so much to say about her experience growing up and her lack of a secure attachment as she was going through her teenage years. But I digress. I say all that to say the answers to the above questions will vary based on your beliefs, background, culture, and a myriad of other factors. The question remains; If you were in a similar position as the characters in the show, would your decisions be different?