My Favorite Non-Optimistic Song

I’m somewhat of a music nerd that occasionally holds personal emotional listening parties in which I listen to music that depicts the emotion that I’m feeling. Happy, sad, angry, content, tired, or even annoyed. I think that most people have a go-to song that they use for motivation. Athletes sometimes even have a certain playlist of songs that they play before they have to go out on the field in order to get them into the mindset they need. This song is my absolute favorite song for when I’m feeling overwhelmed or upset and I want some empathy and also motivation. This song is perfect for me. I think that we’ve all had a “you can’t win” day. It’s a part of life. Whenever I have a day like that, I play this song and I instantly feel better. While the message of the song may not be the most optimistic, it’s a great depiction of how I feel when everything is going wrong. There’s no “everything will be ok” feel to this song but despite this, I still find it to be encouraging. We live in an uncertain world and sometimes life throws us curveballs that require us to regroup and adapt to unexpected changes. I like this song because it doesn’t pull any punches. There’s no rosy assertion that the sun will come out tomorrow. It’s pretty blunt. And sometimes that’s nice to hear when you’re upset or frustrated. It’s just an acknowledgment of how you feel. For me, it’s just a therapeutic intervention that never fails to cheer me up and helps me feel a little better on those days where nothing goes right.

The other side of lonely

Loneliness has been a companion for me during the past few years. Partly due to my personality and partly due to circumstances. It’s commonly thought  one’s loneliest times occur in sadness and hardship. When you’re going though a lot and there’s not an encouraging word or a should to vent and cry on. As someone who has experienced this, I can attest to this feeling and it is indeed pretty darn lonely. However, there’s a different kind of loneliness that I experience from time to time. It’s not as easy to explain because the circumstances are different and it hurts differently. This loneliness occurs whenever I accomplish something or reach a milestone in my life. I actually had the distinct pleasure of experiencing it this past week. This particular type of loneliness stems not from sadness but from happiness. I’m 23 and I’ve been super super blessed/lucky/fortunate to be able to accomplish many of my professional goals. Bachelor’s,Master’s, Post-graduate, etc. But with each of these accomplishments I feel the absence of a significant other pretty acutely. A person who has seen all my hard work and can be happy for me with the informed perspective of someone who has witnessed the challenges I’ve faced on the way to get where I wanted. And while it genuinely sucks to feel the absence of something like that so acutely, I’ve almost gotten used to it. I say “almost” because its not something I’ll ever be ok with but it’s my life. While I do stay in my feelings at times, I also know how to self-regulate and pull myself out. A skill that’s probably due to countless hours of CBT class. I say all that to say that sometimes it’s harder being happier alone than it is being sad. At least in my experience.

Rejection thoughts

Rejection sucks. Point blank. Having experienced a fairly significant portion of it in several aspects of my life this week, I’m reminded once again why I hate it so much. It’s a hard reminder that you can’t control everything in your life and that things just happen. It’s even worse when feelings get involved and you’ve been involved in multiple rejections. Rejection can make you more self reflective but you can also experience frustration, anger, and sadness as a result of it. I think that we feel rejection more acutely when we have been optimistic in hoping the situation would turn out the way we wanted it to. But at the end of the day, life goes on regardless. It’s crazy to live life through the lens of what should have  or could have happened. Rejection is an opportunity for one to grow stronger in the face of adversity and I’m taking that opportunity. 

Feelings don’t matter

Feelings don't matter

Feelings DO matter–in certain situations. However there are times in our lives that we don’t feel like doing anything. We’re frustrated, energy levels are low, and sometimes we’re just upset. You can’t allow how you feel to always dictate your life. There’s a difference between being aware of your feelings and planning your life based on how you feel at the moment. It’s all about maturity and being able to differentiate between what you FEEL and what you KNOW–which could be two totally different entities. Keep your end goal in mind and realize that where you want to be matters a lot more than your present feelings about it.