Quick turnaround 

As my birthday draws a bit closer I thought I’d do a throwback story from way back in the vault on one of my first romantic interactions. Growing up, I was homeschooled so there wasn’t a lot of time for meaningful interactions with the opposite sex. While my parents were active in a church, dating was highly–and I mean HIGHLY discouraged. Needless to say, nothing notable happened on the romantic front during high school. Fast forward to the summer after my first semester of college. I did a youth scholarship program to raise money that consisted of going to the DMV area to sell books (door to door, parking lots, and businesses). While I learned a lot, it wasn’t easy being rejected on an hourly basis but I survived. I went with a group of other college students that included a few guys. There was one in particular who was interesting. He was very headstrong and not the most mature like many 18 or 19 year old freshman. Living with a group of people for two months straight has its pros and cons. We all got to know each other really well. The guy and I became pretty cool. Not close, but cool. We had some good conversations but nothing remotely romantic in nature. Fast forward to the end of the summer. The group disbands and we all go our separate ways. Not too long afterwards he contacted me. We talked for a while and then he confessed that he had had a crush on me during the summer when we worked together. He talked about wanting to get to know me better and spending more time together when we went back to campus in August. I was surprised but somewhat agreeable to the idea. He got off the phone with a promise to call the next day. The next days rolls around and I get a call from him as promised. This time it’s a very short call. He’s made a mistake and he’s sorry. He wants to take everything back about getting to know me better and doesn’t know why he said that but he still thinks I’m a good person.While it was surprising, it wasn’t crushing. I didn’t have much of a reaction. I pretty much said “have a nice life” and hung up. And as expected, I never heard from him again… 

Starter Marriages

In the past few months I’ve witnessed or rather observed from a distance the demise of several marriages. While some of the marriages have been second marriages, there have been a few that have been in the category of what I like to call starter marriages. It’s the same concept as buying a starter house or even starter car. The only thing that you take from it is experience and it is a stepping stone to the object that you actually want. Starter marriages have been around for quite a while. I’ve met couples who have been together for decades but started out with a starter marriage where they had a different partner before they met “the one.” Starter marriages tend to happen when individuals are younger in age. Impulsivity, immaturity, and being “lovestruck” tend to play a big part in their formation. Both people have made the decision that they want to get married without truly counting the cost. They want the feeling of extra security while refusing to let go the single mindset and truly becoming a “we.” These couples are the ones you see arguing about the stupid petty stuff on a daily–even hourly basis because they never took the time to get to know the other person before marriage. Now that they are together, they see a lot of things differently and begin to get irritated quickly and even second guess their decision to marry. Both people refuse to compromise and as a result, they quickly learn that the only way to avoid arguments is to not talk, avoid each other, or bury themselves in other pursuits. This does NOTHING for the overall quality of the relationship. It’s at this point that most couples realize that they really don’t work as a couple. The newness has worn off. They are changing as people and their spouse is as well but they’ve never connected on that level so it starts to feel as if they are living with a stranger. Both people realize that their long term personal goals aren’t compatible and that they both want different things out of life. All this usually occurs within the first 1-3 years of marriage and hopefully before the couple decides to have any kids. The absence of kids allows both partner to separate without having to ever see each other again. They may even go as far as to have a divorce party to celebrate the ending of the worse decision of their life to date. Both people go on to live their lives and marry again with more experience and wisdom the second time around. Hopefully.

Don’t even bother

Don't even bother

One of my IG friends posted this and I HAD to comment on it. I really think that this statement is relevant to so many people–including myself. I like having as full of a picture as possible of an individual and sometimes that really isn’t needed. I think that this quote is alluding to the fact that individuals who aren’t interested in you will also not be interested in letting you find out more about them. I’m not going to go as far as to say that hiding things is childish but there is a certain maturity needed in order to facilitate open communication and to keep a relationship healthy. It’s naive to assume that everyone possesses this maturity and a lack of disclosure and strategic omissions about significant things in their life can be a blaring sign that they don’t possess this maturity. And yes, I’m learning this lesson myself.