I ran across this article pretty recently and it quickly caught my interest. I’ve included a link here . I’ve seen seminars, books, webinars, and programs all addressing this topic. So many people (both men and women) claim to have the magic formula and list their own love story as the proof that their way works. This article was specifically addressing a Black women as a group. Between the interpersonal cues, relationship coaching, speed dating, and other means of “catching” a significant other. The article challenges that thought behind the idea that a woman’s life should be defined by her relationship status. But let’s face it, unmarried women who don’t have kids aren’t typically looked upon with the same level of respect as career women who are married and raising their kids and balancing it all in a (seemingly) effortless manner. The article highlights the fact that shame is often a part of the internal narrative of black women and explored how one’s relationship status can contribute to levels of shame. That thought made me wonder how many products and advertisements are targeted to someone’s level of shame. Products that are marketed in a way that make you feel inadequate unless you become a consumer of the product. Very thought provoking read.
Tag Archives: thoughts
V-Day
So the most hated and loved holiday is once again upon us. As fate would have it, this particular holiday falls on a weekend so there’s plenty of opportunity for all the salty people to post their thoughts on this commercialized show of affection. Emotions can be high on both sides but this year I get to greet the holiday with a massive dose of indifference. Finally. While I would love to attribute this to a paradigm shift and a change of perspective, that isn’t the case. I’m just exhausted from working a lot of night shifts and have other important things to focus on. The whole “woe is me” and telling everyone on social media how much you love yourself and don’t need someone else is so played out. It’s not the end of the world so stop acting like it is. Everyone wants to be profound or drop some essential knowledge but it’s not necessary. The truth of the matter is that if you only tell your loved ones that you love them once a year it’s extremely pointless. People want to feel appreciated all the time– or at the minimum more than once a year. Opportunities exist, seize them and don’t try to cram every romantic gesture into a 24 hour period.
Challenges of Adulthood
It’s funny how adulthood doesn’t always turn out the way that you planned as a kid. I remember having a grand vision for my life as a kid that included doing what I wanted when I wanted to. Each birthday was a year closer to being 18 which was the magic number in my mind where I would suddenly emancipate from the endless rules of my parents. One perk of having a non-traditional education meant that i had a little more time than most my age. After finishing high school a few weeks after I turned 17 I decided that I wanted to take a break so I did. For the next year I chilled at home and took community college classes with the intention to hit the ground running when I began college. The great thing about that year was that I could collect my thoughts with minimal responsibilities. During that time I sold books door to door and even sold knives. I know a lot of people who went directly from high school to college and still had no idea what they wanted to do with their life. They go through a year or two and drift from major to major spending large amounts of money they don’t really have. The thing about young adulthood is that you expect to have more answers than you did as a kid when in fact you just encounter more questions. You want the world to be black and white but sometimes it ends up being a really weird shade of gray. The thing I like about being an adult is that it was similar to what I imagined as a kid. I do what I want, when I want. The sad part is that there are also hundreds of stipulations to that simple fact. The stakes are higher, the consequences for stupid mistakes can easily wreck the future. It’s similar to driving in a fog on a dark night. You know where you’re going but still can’t see five feet ahead of you and your headlights just illuminate how much more fog is ahead.
Mine -the song
I love Ledisi’s voice and about a week ago I went and bought her latest album that was released early last year entitled “The Truth.” It’s been the best album that I’ve gotten this year so far. This particular song has been replaying over and over on my phone and in my head. I’m listening to it as I’m driving, writing, and even working out. The lyrics and the melodies in this song are amazing. There’s not a huge amount of extras added but it keeps your attention without becoming one of those washed up songs about love that isn’t reciprocated. The thing that I love about Ledisi is that she’s such a versatile artist and her songs on this album are a showcase of her range and her musical flexibility. The lyrics to her songs also make sense and they express genuine human emotion and feelings that make it easy to relate to.
The Interview
Recently, I had a small amount of free time and decided to spend it watching the controversial movie The Interview. First off, it was a movie I never would have paid to go to. However “free ninety-nine” was a price I could afford. There aren’t many movies that I’ve seen where I’ve thought the world would be a better place if it had never been made, and this one definitely fit in that category. First off, I’m a funny person although most people don’t know that about me. I have a super dry and sarcastic at times type of humor. That being said, the scene in the movie with the Eminem interview was the best part. However, the story line just went downhill after that. I’ve seen The Dictator before and The Interview was pretty much the same thing to the nth degree. To make a comedy about an existing country and their still living leader could not have been the brightest idea ever. As I said before, I like comedies but I found myself laughing and then remembering that it wasn’t funny because it was an actual country with people who probably are experiencing a lack of some of the rights that citizens in some other countries have. The humor could be easily classified as dark and it was definitely not a “feel good” movie. The ending moral of the story was that you can’t trust that a foreign leader is telling the truth and that they are always waiting to stab you in the back or attack you. Not a great message when world peace is still clearly needed in the world.
Trying to sleep
I’ve always been somewhat of a night owl. I remember being forced to go to bed in the summer when it was still light outside and reading until I could no longer see the words on the page. Looking back, that’s probably why I started wearing glasses at an early age. In college, sleep became a priority that I held in high importance. Yet, I remember an ENTIRE semester where I went to bed at midnight or later every night with 22 credit hours and two jobs. It wasn’t the best schedule for my health but I stayed relatively healthy without any major mishaps. The silver lining to that semester was that i finished with a 3.9 GPA. I recently transitioned to working nights and it’s been a huge adjustment. When I worked nights before I flip flopped between days and nights and came closer than I wanted to losing my mind with the lack of sleep. My new schedule is still fairly brutal but it provided the escape that I needed from a 9-5 schedule which I really strongly dislike. Through this process I have had a renewed appreciation for sleep. I know that I don’t want to do nights for the rest of my life because I don’t want chronic insomnia. For now, sleep is once again a priority and I’ll have to get creative so that I have enough to function.
Ready Aim-The Song
I like some acoustic versions of songs and this piece is one of them. For some reason it’s been playing on my computer for the past week. I love the way that the words to the song match the melody–even to the point that the melody tells a story that the lyrics mirror. I looked up the lyrics and Mali seems to be describing the process of pushing through obstacles as you try to make a tangible difference in the world. I admit, that his playing is not all that great but his unique voice is so perfect for this particular version. You can feel that he’s passionate about what he’s singing and makes the declaration “you can’t shoot me down” you can tell that he believes it. One thing I really like about this rendition is that you can feel the emotion through the song. These days, that’s not really typical.
The Dream Continues
Today is the day where social media is inundated with quotes and pictures of Martin Luther King Jr. His words, his ideals, his dreams, and his sermons had a huge influence on a generation and a people who were struggling to be viewed as equals in a country that had previously enslaved them. He spoke against injustice and painted a picture of a world where everyone is equal and we all have access to the same opportunities. There has been some progress towards that goal. Signs that declare public places are for “whites only.” have gone. There are laws that make it illegal to discriminate against someone based on the color of their skin. There’s definitely still a long way to go. I live in a city that has one of the biggest MLK parades/marches (a marade) in the country. Thousands of people attend and there’s a program at the end with music and speeches and remarks. Typically this also includes some cousin or other relative of MLK who has been flown in to make some remarks about the specialness of this day. The news stations are there and try their best to get all the shots of black people standing next to white people in solidarity and unity for a common purpose. The sad truth is that we still live in a very racially motivated society in the States. Other countries have other systems that make one group of people superior to another group. Discrimination and prejudice happens everywhere–not just in America. I think that these gestures and services and speeches and sermons are great, but what are we doing the other 364 days of the world to advocate for people who can’t do it themselves? MLK did a lot for the movement. He dedicated thousands of hours of time and money to the advancement of a cause he felt was worth fighting for. However, I was reading not too long ago that he also died without a will and his family was in dire financial straits due to the fact that he had given most of his money to the cause. His wife left a promising singing career and also devoted most of her life to the work. His children also became vocal about continuing his legacy but drew enormous salaries from the center names in his honor and mishandled funds that almost bankrupted it. They sued each other for exorbitant amounts of money and publicly disagreed with each other on the best way to preserve their father’s memory. I say all this to say that there’s a need for all of us to recognize that the only way progress can happen is that we address problems on a systemic level.
18 Qualities
I ran into this article through Facebook and thought it was an interesting read. The definition of the “Z” man appeared to be something that most women would appreciate. People who have very strong personalities tend to have a harder time when their partners are equally stubborn. When both people can’t compromise it leads to a lot of challenges. The thing about this article is that it outlined qualities that are important in successful relationships across the board. My favorite one was number 8 “moving at the same speed.” I love that idea because there’s so much discussion about wanting to marry up. The chance to skip a socio-economic class and to be in a different income bracket. There’s nothing wrong with marrying up but I think that there’s something to be said for marrying across (as equals). There’s less of a power struggle and ideally the situation would encourage empathy from both partners. It was a thought provoking article.
It’s Over
I don’t know if I’ve ever posted a John Legend song in the time that I’ve had this blog and it’s been a shame. Now, I would not go as far to say that I know ALL the lyrics to ALL of his songs, but I will say that I’ve been listening to his music since before I was allowed to listen to secular music and had to sneak around. Quite a feat for a homeschooler. This is one of my all time favorite songs that he’s done. It’s been on repeat all this week for some strange reason. John has a way or writing songs that are super easy to relate to. The melodies are unique but not distracting from the lyrics. And John’s voice has a signature sound that adds to the genuineness of his music. This song reminded me of some of the times where I’ve had to delete numbers and then re-save them in my phone under “never EVER answer.” The thing about this song is that it’s catchy but also makes a declaration in some fashion. There will always be people who have trouble letting go. Whether it’s their favorite food, or a relationship they are incredibly intricately involved with, sometimes things have an expiration date. It doesn’t mean that it’s a bad thing, it just means that we have to make some adjustments. Life changes and people change as well. Sometimes those changes require some reconsideration of close relationships. There will always be people who don’t want to take “no” for an answer. But if it’s over, it’s over.
Alisha's Angle 