Like many people, I often find myself annoyed when I’m added to groups on social media without my consent. Usually it’s a subject matter I’m not particularly interested in and serves no real purpose to my daily life. Not too long ago I saw a post from one of the groups that I had been inadvertently added to. The group was specifically for single women and someone apparently thought that I could benefit in some way from the content. Let me make a quick side note. There are some people who flaunt their singleness like a badge of honor telling any and everyone how happy they are to not be “tied down” to another person. Good for them but it’s not my thing. But I digress. In the group one of the administrators had posed a question asking how the members in the group were doing in their current state of singleness. The typical responses were extremely positive with respondents saying that they were having the best times of their life and that they were working on themselves and actively pursuing their spiritual path. However, one post from a member stood out in stark contrast to the others. This lady kept it 100 and basically said that the single life (for her) sucked and that it was lonely. Almost immediately the replies from other members started coming in. They chastised her for being lonely and said that she needed more prayer, and church attendance because something was wrong with her. The pettiness came out full force with accusations of bringing the group down and “focusing on the negative.” It was sad that the supposed purpose of the group was to be supportive of single women but quickly became a group of bullies after someone honestly shared how they were feeling. I don’t know what the moral of this story is but I’ll just say that if you join a support group just first make sure they are actually supportive. Or, develop a support system of real people who won’t jump down your throat when you’re honest about your feelings.
Tag Archives: social media
Phone time
One thing that I’ve heard in a lot of conversations recently (outside of the election) is the lack of quality conversations and interactions because everyone is on their phone. From the young to the old, it’s not uncommon to see people in restaurants texting away or checking social media but not talking to each other. It’s like no one wants to actually talk face to face and develop conversation skills. I’ve been on several dates in the last few weeks and I have to say that there are few things as rude as stopping mid-sentence and pulling out your phone. If I’m paying attention to you I don’t want to be sitting quietly while you scroll through your phone. Now, in no way am I saying that I’m not attached to my phone because that wouldn’t be the case. It’s almost like a security object. However, there are times when I know to put it away and have an actual conversation. It would be nice to see that happen just a bit more.
Social Media and Your Other Half
This may seem like a rant but it’s really not. I recently had a conversation with a friend of mine about some prominent couples that we know of. These couples aren’t celebrities or anything but they are fairly well known in certain circles. There’s also an abundance of rumors that their marriage is on the rocks and that they are on the verge of divorce or at least separation. This is partially due to the fact that while all individuals are on social media their spouses is never spoken of and there aren’t any pictures of them together within the last few years. I’m not a social media expert by any means but when you only post selfies and pictures of your children without your spouse I wonder what that means. We all know people who tend to go a bit overboard on social media exposing every single detail about their relationship, what they had to eat, their emotions at any given time, and their thoughts on everything. I’ve witnessed how social media can affect your romantic relationships and I’ve seen couples navigate those grey waters in a variety of ways. Some combine their profiles in an attempt to consolidate friends and provide transparency on all ends. Others give their spouse or significant other their password so that they can check their messages and communications with others. The level of investment in social media varies depending on the person and everyone is entitled to their personal life however I often wonder what is behind the decision to never acknowledge on social media that you’re married. I think that if you are married your spouse should at least be acknowledged. I’m not saying that you have to tag them in every status or talk about them all the time, but it wouldn’t be a bad thing to post a picture of the two of you once a year or so. After all, that’s supposed to be one of the most important people in your life. The absence of a spouse from social media is definitely more pronounced when one of the partners is in a position of prominence. You are automatically subject to more scrutiny when you’re in the public eye and that scrutiny also extends to your spouse even if they don’t care for the spotlight. Do everyone a favor and at least be willing to acknowledge them on social media. After all, you picked them.
Turning it Off
I’m a little obsessive with ensuring my phone is charged as much as possible at all times. At any point I’m usually within ten feet of one of my phone chargers. I feel anxious if my batter percentage drops below 50% and immediately begin planning how much time I have to find an outlet and charge the phone again. I’ve met people who don’t care about that stuff and as a result let their phones die. While there’s nothing wrong with that, it can be very inconvenient for people trying to get in contact with them. Let’s not forget that a phone can be helpful if you’re ever stranded. A few years ago I had my phone stolen by a homeless lady. Needless to say, I was very upset. Not just because I had gone against my better judgment and given her money, but because I had a 16g memory card in my phone that contained pictures and videos from about three years of my college experience. All gone. Needless to say, it wasn’t backed up in a computer and I lost it all. I was devastated. There’s a picture that circulated a while back of a man busy in his phone while he missed the opportunity to see a whale. I wonder how many real life moments I’ve missed because of that same thing. No, I don’t intend to give up my cell phone or downgrade to a non-smart phone, but I do need to be more mindful of what’s around me. And maybe it’s ok to let my phone die or even turn it off once in a while so that I can be 100% tuned into something a bit more meaningful than social media.
The social media truth
This week I’ve taken a break from two of the most popular social media sites. It’s not been super easy but good in the long run to gather my thoughts together. I’ve never fully understood the point of posting about every single mundane detail that happens in your life. But I admit that it’s interesting to browse and see what’s going on. The thing about social media is that it can have you convinced that you are close to someone when you’re not. Liking their activity or commenting does not mean they are obligated to let you in their real life lives. Social media allows you to be whoever you want to be. You can create an image or a perception of a person that is the complete opposite of your personality. There’s also sometimes even a false perception on anonymity,so in contrast, other individuals might be more honest on social media than they ever are in person. The fact that is ignored by millions is the fact that time spent on social media sites you don’t get back. There are people who make money but the vast majority isn’t paid to do anything on social media. It’s like a black hole of time that you’ll never get back–or even compensated for. I’m not debating the rightness or wrongness excessive social media time but the truth is that too much of a good thing is a bad thing.
V for Victory
So I made it though the day without any random rages or unexpected tears. I kept my composure and held it together. Cut down on my social media usage so I didn’t bombard myself with things that are in no way related to my present reality. I can honestly say that I’ve had some pretty emotionally (self-inflicted) v-day wounds but I think today was only indicative of a much less painful scratch. I’m in the process of intentionally identifying what I’m feeling because I want my clients to do the same. However, I noticed that today (more like yesterday), I intentionally did not think about how I was feeling. It is definitely a lot easier to talk about something than to actually do it. I must admit that reading the Facebook statuses of single women provided some humor to my day. It even went as extreme as someone posting that they bought themselves a their own diamond celibacy ring. That’s intense. I don’t think I’ll ever get to that point but its nice to know that somebody’s already there. The day has passed. I set a personal record on being ok and not totally freaking out. That’s big.
My Pre-Valentine’s/Single Awareness Day thoughts
It’s that time of the year again. A lot of people are nervous because they aren’t sure if they’ll be on the receiving end of a day set apart to express love. Millions of singles are now contemplating why they are single AGAIN this year. What they did wrong, and what they are going to do to avoid getting sucked into the “woe is me because I’m alone on V-day” annual party in their brain. Other take to social media sites proclaiming that they don’t care what day it is because Jesus loves them and they’re perfectly happy. Yet, no one REALLY believes them. Others are wondering if this is the year that they’ll get engaged to their significant other. He already knows EXACTLY what setting the ring should be and they went looking at rings SIX MONTHS ago. Anxious, Agitated, Upset, Frustrated, Excited, Vulnerable, Bitter, and Sadness are all some emotions that describe this love holiday for some people. The truth is that we all want to feel some type of secure connection to someone else. And most of us like the idea of being treated to something special because someone appreciates and loves you. This also happens to be the time of year when someone gets unexpectedly dumped on the most (supposedly) romantic day of the year. I want to advise all of you to not get caught up in the hype if you don’t want to. A significant other is someone who is significant to you 365 days out of the year and not just one romantic night. Valentine’s day is what you make it. Plain and simple. If you have someone, fine. If you don’t, fine. One day should not ruin your month or year. Love can occur at any time in a year and it’s important to be open to possibilities instead of stacking all your hopes and dreams on one solitary day out of 364 other ones. Decide that you’re okay–regardless of the presence or lack of the presence of a significant other on ONE SINGLE DAY. To the single people, there’s no reason, and I mean NO reason to allow V-Day to depress you for months. Learn more, grow more….after all, February 15th is just around the corner.
Why make it harder for yourself?
I talked to a friend of mine recently who had just gotten engaged. Now this person had just graduated from college and was planning to go to law school. She announced to me that she was not going to get married until after she completed law school. The reason? She wanted her maiden name on her diploma. She went on further to explain that she liked her last name and did not want the name of someone else on the piece of paper that commemorated her hard work. Being in a relationship is hard. It doesn’t naturally come easy for most people because a lot of times they have a different agenda than their partner. I don’t know of a couples that agrees on everything. Come to think of it, being with someone who agreed with everything I said would just make me upset and extremely annoyed. Variety is good, and while you and your partner might not always be on the same page, ya’ll should always be in the same book. With the rise of social media, many couples feel that they should have unrestricted access to the profile and message of the other. Others disagree and argue that each person has a right to privacy. Whatever you agree on, stick to it. Relationships are hard work. Why make them harder?
Relationship Status
We all have a Facebook profile. At least most of us. We use it for many purposes that vary from playing games to finding out what our friends, acquaintances, and perfect strangers are doing. Facebook has a way of making you feel connected with people that you may not see on a daily basis. It makes the world feel smaller and can be a great way to find that long lost friend who you lost contact with years ago. Facebook gives you the opportunity to share your relationship status with the world. Are you single? Is it complicated? Are you in a relationship? Or maybe a domestic partnership? It has gotten to the point that many couples can’t wait to make their relationship “Facebook Official.” After deciding to be in a relationship they race to their respective computers/phone/other device and update their relationship status and tell the world that they now in a relationship with a significant other. This post can be commented on or “liked” by their friends. But at what point is it no longer cool to update your relationships status? Should a couple who has a relationship on the rocks update their relationship status to “Complicated?” Does anyone else have a right to know that you are having problems in your marriage? While I don’t think that’s the case, I know that a lot of people believe differently and use Facebook to post about the other individual and give others information about the fights that they’ve had. This sucks other people into what is going and can be even more detrimental for the relationships. Next time you go to update your relationship status, think. Then think again.
Alisha's Angle 