This week has been one of stress, deadlines, and people in crisis. It started with a very stressful meeting on Monday morning and spiraled from there. As I get up to go to work each day, I think about the thousands and probably millions of people who are institutionalized in some form. The people who we never think about because we are too busy living our lives. Those who spend days, months or years in one room because of physical or mental limitations. Or even the little kids who spend a significant part of the day inside a building sitting when they would rather be playing outside. The world isn’t fair and it will never be. The sad thing is that sometimes we institutionalize or confine ourselves without even knowing it. We feel bad about those around us and feel powerless to help them while we continue to limit ourselves on a daily and maybe even hourly basis. One of my goals in this new year is to identify and disrupt negative cycles that impact me personally. In addition to helping others, I want to help myself. To not become so immersed in the struggles of others that I leave my own life unattended. We’ll see how that goes.
Tag Archives: goals
The problem with thinking positive all the time
I must admit that this article made me especially happy. It confirmed my personal beliefs about the effectiveness of positive thinking. Plus, it’s written by a psychology professor. Anyway, the basic premise the article is that positive thinking may not be as good as people once thought. Positive thinking needs to be informed with something that we affectionately call reality. It’s great to look at the silver lining but you need to also consider hard truths. People who imagined their goals while thinking about both achieving them and also the challenges that they would face had a better change of realizing their goals.
What’s success?
So many times we think of success as something to be attained instead of something that requires constant movement and action with the anticipated result changing as we go forward. As I get closer to turning a year older, I can help but think about how my definition of success has changed from when I was younger. There are still so many things that I want to do and avenues that I haven’t explored. To me, being successful is having the freedom to do what you want when you want without the confinement of a tradition 9-5 job. The ability to turn down opportunities because you don’t need the money and to travel all over just because you want to. That’s what I want. However it’s important to remember that success requires consistent effort towards sometime specific. You really can’t be halfway successful. You have to be willing to put in the time daily and be disciplined enough to not require constant external motivation.
Instinct
Back in May of this year I took a weekend trip to Dallas and was introduced to this book by some friends. I’ve always been wary of self help books, but this one was different. Lately I’ve been running into a lot of people who just seem stuck. They work, go home and repeat for years without really doing anything different. They always talk about places they want to travel to but they know they’ll never go. Their lives consist of the mundane without any plans to change their routine. I am deathly afraid of becoming one of those people. This book was honestly one of the top three books I read this year. It focuses specifically on becoming the best you that you can be by making use of your unique talents and gifts. Jakes uses great examples and simple language to encourage the reader to take inventory of his or her passions and then use them to make a difference in the world. The biggest challenge in doing this is that it requires you to get out of your comfort zone and leave the familiar. You’re exchanging security for freedom. But the end result to doing this is fulfillment and the opportunity to actually leave a legacy that you’re proud of.
To care or not to care
I don’t know why but I really like this picture. While it seems a bit harsh, I think that there’s a practical application that can be taken away. I’ve seen people post the smallest details of their lives in various forms of social media. These actions have had my questioning how many people actually care about that stuff. While the message in the picture can be interpreted in several ways, it was a reminder to me that many times it’s pointless to look for constant validation for things that should already be occurring. You should not expect kudos for being independent and paying bills on time. Those actions are signs of mature adults. The problem is when people start to crave the approval and then become depressed when they don’t get it. Sometimes you have to work harder without expecting others around to understand or care. While that may sound harsh, basing your life and your goals on the approval of others in the hope that they’ll eventually care isn’t smart.
Dreamless
This past week has been interesting as I laid to rest a 6 year dream of mine. As someone who often plans years in advance, it was a disappointment that the hundreds of choices I made that were in line with this dream were all for naught. I knew it was coming and I knew that it would be uncomfortable but I misjudged the level of non comfort I would feel. Dreams can be one of the things in our lives that inspire us to hope. It’s interesting how I was so convinced at one point that I would have my dream fulfilled but as time passed, I saw it escaping my grasp until it was gone completely. And there was nothing I could do about it. I think that we’ve all been in places where things have happened out of our control that we can’t fix. The crushing of a dream requires an evaluation of one’s life and goals. You think in a different way because your thoughts are no longer filtered through the lens of your dream. The finality of that fact might be both a blessing and a curse because it requires an adjustment of thought. However, we have to acknowledge the change in our lives and in some situations fill the gap of the dead dream with another dream that we can pursue. We can take the “L” and move on with the knowledge that we learned something worthwhile from the experience despite the discomfort at the end.
Traveling Thoughts
One of my goals this year is to travel more and I haven’t been the greatest at that as yet. This weekend I took my first trip this year. I was a kid that grew up traveling all over the Southeast and Midwest area of the United States. Sadly, these trips usually included of 12 hours or more of riding in a van. As I got older and learned to drive, the trips were more enjoyable because I could actually do something instead of sleeping or reading in the car. My siblings and I had some great experiences exploring the downtown areas of different cities and going to various museums and zoos. Even today, while I like going to my tried and true favorite spots, I also love to go places I’ve never gone before and have a totally new experience. The problem with traveling for me is that it takes probably about six weeks of planning in order to make it happen. While I am spontaneous and I like spur of the moment stuff, living in the middle of nowhere really puts a damper on that. I have to coordinate all my job schedules, find a place for my dog, ensure that I have no prior obligations, and plan for flights and transportation. In addition, this also includes doing school work in advance and then doubling up when I get home in order to ensure that I don’t fall behind in assignments. All of this can easily become a logistical nightmare. However, there are few happy feelings that beat walking onto the elongated trailer thingy that connects to the plane. The start of a new adventure and a chance for new experiences and people. I’m determined to have more of that this year. Despite all the logistics and financial challenges, life is too short to feel trapped in the middle of nowhere. I’m traveling more this year.
Changes and Challenges
So today I started a new job. Not a hustle or on a “as needed” basis, but a real job. It’s something that I’ve (halfway) actively pursuing since early last year. While I’m excited about new opportunities, I’m also hesitant. I love flexibility but it’s time to have something resembling security with health insurance and a 401K. I’ve met so many people who settle for a “regular” job, they put in their hours, go home, raise a family, take a vacation once a year, retire, and die. Not a bad plan, but definitely not for me. This job is not where I want to be for the rest of my life. It’s a means to an end. And if I have to sacrifice by waking up early EVERY morning in order to get stuff done and to meet my goals, so be it. I’m not a morning person but I’ll be one because what I want to be as a professional is bigger than pushing the snooze button on my alarm clock. There’s a saying that says one has to be willing to do what others won’t do in order to get what others won’t get. In my case, getting a regular job is doing what others are doing. However, my special twist is that I’m also pairing it with three additional jobs and an increasingly challenging doctoral program. With the end goal of being in a very very good professional place by the time I’m 25. The biggest challenge will definitely be balance and making sure that I don’t get in my own way. I’ve made some hard choices and there are plenty more to come. But, as I tell my clients, settling feels good for the moment but you never get any lasting results. Being deliberate and planning takes time, effort, and sacrifice but it sure beats waking up one morning and realizing that you’ve wasted your life. At least in my opinion.
Alisha's Angle 