Tag Archives: experience

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5 Ways to Deal With Your Feelings

I should make the disclaimer that I didn’t research this and I can’t claim that it came from empirical evidence. However, it’s been my personal experience as someone who has to address feelings pretty often.

1. Take a step back- So many times we act on emotion and we let the anger or the sadness or the loneliness dictate our behaviors. Learn to take a step back and evaluate the thought and feeling.
2. Get to the bottom of it- Are you mad at the world because you didn’t eat breakfast and feel cranky? Are the feelings coming from a perceived lack of adequacy for the challenge? Are you projecting your feelings from an unrelated situation?
3. Differentiate between rational and irrational- It’s easy to get yourself worked up because of an imaginary “what if” situation. Evaluate if your feelings are a result of fear for some event that might happen in the future. Wallowing in feelings of anger or sadness over what may occur is not the best use of emotional energy and will leave you drained.
4. Talk to someone- Granted, this is an option that is probably the most popular but talking to another rational and reasonably emotionally healthy human being can help you evaluate the relevance of your feelings. Remember that feelings are valid but sometimes they just aren’t relevant and you have to make hard decisions based on facts despite how you feel.
5. Distract yourself -I call it chewing gum for your mind. Take a break and do something else. Even if it’s as mundane as taking a nap or watching a reality tv show. There are plenty of things available that are somewhat productive that can take your mind off of it. However, it’s important to remember that sometimes you just need to feel while recognizing that it won’t be a feeling forever and will pass.

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Challenges of Adulthood

It’s funny how adulthood doesn’t always turn out the way that you planned as a kid. I remember having a grand vision for my life as a kid that included doing what I wanted when I wanted to. Each birthday was a year closer to being 18 which was the magic number in my mind where I would suddenly emancipate from the endless rules of my parents. One perk of having a non-traditional education meant that i had a little more time than most my age. After finishing high school a few weeks after I turned 17 I decided that I wanted to take a break so I did. For the next year I chilled at home and took community college classes with the intention to hit the ground running when I began college. The great thing about that year was that I could collect my thoughts with minimal responsibilities. During that time I sold books door to door and even sold knives. I know a lot of people who went directly from high school to college and still had no idea what they wanted to do with their life. They go through a year or two and drift from major to major spending large amounts of money they don’t really have. The thing about young adulthood is that you expect to have more answers than you did as a kid when in fact you just encounter more questions. You want the world to be black and white but sometimes it ends up being a really weird shade of gray. The thing I like about being an adult is that it was similar to what I imagined as a kid. I do what I want, when I want. The sad part is that there are also hundreds of stipulations to that simple fact. The stakes are higher, the consequences for stupid mistakes can easily wreck the future. It’s similar to driving in a fog on a dark night. You know where you’re going but still can’t see five feet ahead of you and your headlights just illuminate how much more fog is ahead.

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Ready Aim-The Song

I like some acoustic versions of songs and this piece is one of them. For some reason it’s been playing on my computer for the past week. I love the way that the words to the song match the melody–even to the point that the melody tells a story that the lyrics mirror. I looked up the lyrics and Mali seems to be describing the process of pushing through obstacles as you try to make a tangible difference in the world. I admit, that his playing is not all that great but his unique voice is so perfect for this particular version. You can feel that he’s passionate about what he’s singing and makes the declaration “you can’t shoot me down” you can tell that he believes it. One thing I really like about this rendition is that you can feel the emotion through the song. These days, that’s not really typical.

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Planning Time

There should be a mandatory recovery time after a vacation that has lasted a week or longer. I use the word “vacation” loosely because the entire time I was away was not a vacation. One thing I deliberately did was to leave my computer at home during one of my two trips. The point of this was to take a break to enjoy the scenery and the experience of being in a different country. Other than the quality time spent with cousins I rarely see, the BEST part of the trip going to the beach. I’ve never been to the Pacific Ocean before and while it’s not as breathtakingly beautiful as the Mediterranean Ocean, it was still nice. I don’t know why, but for some reason sitting on a beach and thinking gives me the most clarity. I can process my thoughts and feelings and then make appropriate decisions without the distraction of familiar surroundings. It sounds weird but it works for me. That’s one of the reasons why I love the beach–I can actually think. I don’t have my laptop with me and my phone is typically turned off. No one is calling me asking for something and the sound of the waves crashing on the sand relaxes me.  This time I had the opportunity to make a plan for the new year and to finalize some goals I want to accomplish this year. It was quite a productive hour or so. Definitely a reminder that I need to focus so that my efforts won’t be in vain and I won’t be working harder than I need to.

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A Year in Review

This year has been by far one of the most active years of my life. As I’ve mentioned before, one of my goals this year was to travel a lot and I was so incredibly blessed to be able to accomplish that. Doing five weekend trip in six weekends and then going on several other trip that included an overseas trip to Spain and France was a wonderful experience. I’m on my last trip of the year right now and I’m happy for the chance to end the year and start the year with trips. As a result, I once again didn’t buy furniture this year. And I’m ok with that. I’ve learned the importance of rolling with the punches. Life doesn’t always turn out how we expect it to and we are sometimes forced to make readjustments. I’ve had to become more independent and to make more decisions that affected my life in a huge way. The great thing is that it forced me to be more deliberate in my choices and mindful of long term consequences. I had some “I love my life” moments along with “I hate my life” moments. I remember someone telling me that when we add up our highs and our lows they end up balancing out. This was the case this year. It’s funny how we don’t really recognize ourselves changing on a daily basis but we see it when we look back over a period of time. I’ve had some good moments this year and I’m looking forward to 2015.

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What I learned in 2014

Five things I’ve learned this year
1. Sometimes determination is more important than talent. There are many talented people who are lazy and miss out while determined people are out working them.
2. Some people have good intentions, many do not. We are all driven in some way by our own agenda and it’s rare to find someone who is genuinely unselfish.
3. Relationships are important. No one has even gotten what they wanted out of life without forming strategic relationships.
4. Sometimes you have to do what makes you happy. At the end of the day you have to live with your decisions and consequences. You can’t please everyone and you’ll burn out trying.
5. There are some people in your life you just have to distance yourself from. They won’t understand and you’ll waste your breath trying to explain to them. Life goes on and you should too.

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The Philanthropic Choice

I feel like giving a warning that this blog post will be somewhat off the wall. It’s the Christmas season and one of the things society seems to do is acknowledge and provide services for people they’ve ignored all year. We buy presents and volunteer our time to help the needy. Part of my job is working with kids who have come from abusive situations with different challenges and providing a variety of social work related services to them. In addition to the work done by staff, there are community members and volunteers who have stepped up to do great things for the kids. They’ve sacrificed their time and their resources to do something extra special for kids who may not have ever had someone care about them. And while some of these contributions come during the holiday season, others come throughout the year. Yesterday I had the chance to witness a community contribution to the kids. There was a group of local businessmen who wanted to do something special and buy gifts for all the kiddos. I’m going to take a quick break from the story to share an observation/insight. I don’t know if it’s the media or society in general, but we are really conditioned to associate masculinity with ginormous American-built trucks. A man who drives a Ford F-250 with an extended bed and a lift kit is miles ahead of the man saving the environment in a Toyota Prius. At least in certain regions of the country. Needless to say, the trucks they drove were of the aforementioned category. It would be unfair to the integrity of the story not to mention the fact that these businessmen appeared to be in their late 20’s early 30’s and were also very very extremely attractive (you get the point). But I digress. The trucks were filled with presents for the kids and every single kid got one. Many times in these situations the toys come as a result of a toy drive and aren’t necessarily specific to what the kid wanted. There’s also usually a price limit that while reasonable doesn’t always meet the wants of the kids. However these kids had all submitted a wish list and these guys had gone out and bought what the kids asked for. They were not cheap gifts. Jordan’s, huge toy sets, electronics, and $100 gift cards were among the gifts given to the kids. It was wonderful to see the kids faces light up with joy as they got what they had asked for. It was just as fun for the guys giving out the gifts. I’m reminded of the reasons why philanthropy is so important. Giving of yourself is great, but you can also have a significant impact when you have the monetary means to help as well. I don’t know how many times I’ve wished I could give to a particular cause or wish that I’ve had more to give to a particular cause. That being said, I want to have the means to not only set up my kids to be in a great financial position but also to make a sustainable difference in the lives of others. Getting a building named after you is good, but we can’t forget the importance of investing in people. That wasn’t off the wall at all.

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Social observation

Recently I had the chance to observe a group in a festive social setting. I’m a people watcher by nature and I enjoy observing the interactions around me. I’ve often said that if I wasn’t so emotionally infested I would center my dissertation around the study of those interactions. The first thing I do after going into a room is to do a quick scan to see who is there. After this I usually immediately locate the top four most attractive people in the room. It’s not that I have any bad motives. It’s just a habit I have as I’ve noticed that attractive people seem to carry themselves differently. Maybe it’s because they have more confidence and see the world from a different perspective. I’m not a huge fan of new social environments but it’s interesting to see how social norms and cues inform behaviors.

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Over the Hill is Home

I frequently post songs that I enjoy listening to and this one is not an exception. To be honest, I heard this song for the first time at the end of 2010 after my first semester of my senior year of college. I had a college classmate who was sick and in the hospital. People started saying that if anyone wanted to see them they needed to go ASAP to the hospital. This person was someone I knew rather casually but often spoke to on occasion since we had several classes together. Needless to say I visited them at the hospital and while I was thankful for the experience, it was also sobering on how short life really is. Nobody teaches you what to say to someone on their deathbed. This year I’ve talked to a decent amount of people on their deathbed and I’ve still been stuck on appropriate words to say in that situation. I say all this to say that this song is one of hope. It’s a reminder to press forward and to keep pushing despite obstacles that come. Great melody and I like the optimism in the message.

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My Math Story

Many of us had a subject in school in which the relationship between it and use could be characterized by the word “complicated.” For me, that subject was math. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t believe that anyone is born hating math. I once read an article that asserted that hating math is a result of how we are raised and taught to  do it. I remember learning addition, subtraction, multiplication, and division tables through memorization and songs. However, for some reason, my dislike for math seemed to deepen. It wasn’t until 11th grade that I realized I had a knack for creating a spreadsheet of a  budget and calculating profit margins. This was a bright moment in my dark relationship with math. My experience with math was further complicated by the fact that while I was homeschooled, math was not a strong point with either of my parents. I did my high school education through a correspondence course. That meant that I got a math book and a workbook and I had to teach myself the concepts. This was an extremely hard thing to do as I got into advanced algebra and geometry. Even with the help of tutors it was not easy going. I managed to pass both classes with grades that probably should never be reported. It was a good thing that I managed to escape trigonometry, calculus and other higher level maths that most people have to take. It’s funny how certain things decrease in significance as we get older. I was genuinely stressed out by my algebra homework. Yet, after passing the class (thankfully), other than critical thinking skills, algebra is a thing of the past. I’m not tested on my ability to solve for x or any other operation that requires a lot of steps to solve. That’s why I think it’s so important to not make mountains out of molehills. You acknowledge it, you confront it, and you move on. Chances are the things you worried about ten years ago aren’t even relevant now and you wasted valuable energy that could have become something productive.