Tag Archives: college

by

From Student Anxiety to Professional Lessons: Embracing Change

It’s been a busy few days with the typical ups and downs of life. My social media account has been reminding me of how busy I was as a college student. I was SO nervous that I would get bad grades that I worked and studied like a crazy person (literally). While others went out and partied, I was in my room anxiously studying and hoping I’d be able to retain the information for the test. I started out majoring in biology but quickly realized that my science-less high school experience had not adequately prepared me for college. So, I went the path of the social sciences. Was I a giver upper?

Fast forward a few years later. I’m at the ripe old age of 22 and my workaholic self is anxiously searching for another pursuit so I decided to get a doctorate. I’m still on the fence as to whether it was worth it or not but at least I finished. I remember making the decision about whether I wanted to move again to go to school or if it was better to stay in the same place. I made my decision and chose against the process of getting an acceptance and a teaching assistant job in a (hopefully) good state school. It was a hard choice but I wanted to continue to get the hours I needed for my professional license. But was I a giver upper?

It’s interesting how there aren’t any do-overs in life. We all know stories of people who had a lot of potential but made poor choices and had unfavorable outcomes. Did these people give up on their dreams? Probably not; it’s just that other things interfered with the journey. I think giving up can be more of a state of mind than an action. It can be a philosophy that guides our decisions in a way that could be hindering to us. It’s the difference between do-ing and be-ing.

More recently, I changed career paths to see if there was a better work life balance available. However, the reality of it has not been as expected. I think there are just some things in life that we learn as we live. And while mistakes can be expensive, the lessons that you take from them can be priceless. Hopefully.

by

Choose a hell you can handle

Life is about choices. The small ones, medium ones and big ones. The decisions you made today can impact tomorrow in numerous ways. Errors of youth lead to lifetime consequences. Some of the major decisions you make in your life include who you marry, what you’ll do for a living, and who you will procreate with. Life includes suffering but oftentimes give you the opportunity to choose your hell. Making the wrong choice for you in any of these areas can be devastating. We see stories of people making quick decisions and regretting it later. The smaller decisions grow into bigger ones and have a compound effect on the trajectory of one’s life

CHECK OUT THE COMPOUND EFFECT

Having worked in Higher Education for the last 7 years and some change, I’ve had students who didn’t know what they wanted to do as a career. School offers a lot of opportunities but in order to make the most out of your education, you have to pick the right one. Getting a bachelors degree in anything that ends in an “-ology” pretty much means that you’ll need more education to get a high paying job. Of course there are exceptions but for the most part, it’s true. Sociology, biology, physiology, psychology, and anthropology are interesting to learn about, but just know that you’ll probably need more degrees after that. There are way too many people picking a major because it sounds cool instead of seeing it as a way to sustain themselves. I remember working in a hospital and one of the technicians had a masters degree — in poetry. He could not find a job within his field (Poetry) and due to the fact that he was an adult with bills, he was now leading check in groups and trying to reason with patients who were hallucinating. School is hard enough but coming out without any prospects for a decent paying salary? Not the greatest choice of hell.

Marriage was never initially supposed to be about love. It was about connection and alliances. It was a way to preserve wealth and ensure peace as people would arrange marriages across certain societal lines. These days, people still get married for many reasons but the one most people cite is the fact that they love each other. The sad reality is that we all are not meant to love the same person we build a life with. Love is great but it’s better when paired with logic, shared goals, and similar outlooks. You can love someone dearly but if they don’t want kids, they have an enmeshed family, or they struggle with being honest, you’ll be miserably in love with them. It’s not a dynamic that is sustainable long term and chances are that your kids will adversely be affected in some way from that relationship.

Having a kid with a wrong person is a different type of hell because there’s no going back. The kid is here. The choice has been made and you’re left to pick up the pieces. Trying to work with someone who doesn’t want to work with you and raising a child while not neglecting your own mental health is hard. It’s hard and difficult and can also qualify as suffering. Being in and out of court and fighting for your child to be supported financially by the other parent is a lot. Navigating family holidays with two people and potential significant others is a dynamic that is never envied. Maybe it’s not a great choice of hell.

by

Remembering the college years

A few days ago I got a reminder of a status on social media that I wrote when I arrived at college for the first time. It brought me back to ten years ago when I first arrived to my college campus as a student. I had a unique experience in that I already had been to  the campus multiple times growing up and my parents had attended, my grandfather had attended, and my grandmother had taught there. The journey to college wasn’t necessarily easy. I was homeschooled and used a distance learning school to earn my high school diploma. I was a senior in high school at age 15 but the bane of my existence was high school algebra and I wrestled with it until I finally finished.  Needless to say, I’ve only taken one math class since high school algebra and I don’t see myself taking another one in the foreseeable future. I finished high school about 6 weeks after my 17th birthday and I took a year off to take some classes and work before I went to college. I didn’t know what to expect 10 years ago when I started college. I was worried about how I was going to afford it and if I would be able to afford it for all 4 years. My parents had informed me from a young age that they wouldn’t pay for college so I understood that I would have to figure it out without their financial assistance. The bonus was that I had a scholarship that covered about half of my tuition. I didn’t know what to expect once I went to college and in the spirit of true preparation I brought WAY too much stuff. I quickly realized that the 8 storage containers that I brought from home would be way too much for the half of the dorm room I shared. I remember waiting in line at registration and hoping and praying that I could get in. After a small scare and an ok from the director of admissions I was in. The next three and a half years were filled with challenges and acclimation to a more traditional educational environment. One of my goals was to finish in less than 4 years and i was able to accomplish that. I actually had to study for tests and finals week meant that I pulled a few overnighters to finish a paper or put the finishing touches on a project. I focused on the books and attended every class on time. I knew that I was there because I wanted to be and the effort that I put into my education reflected that fact. I honestly can’t believe that ten years has passed by but I can honestly say that I am a totally different person than I was back then. I’ve learned a lot since then and I plan to learn and grow more in the next ten years.

by

The shortened list

I remember sitting in a chair in my therapist’s office in college. As a part of my academic program we were required to go to a mandated number of sessions. I remember telling her that I wanted my future husband to be able to sing and that it would be a deal breaker for me if he couldn’t. Today I think of that day and chuckle to myself. While I absolutely believe that music talent is wonderful, there are so many more important qualities that need to be present. Having all his teeth would be nice for starters. Qualities like faithfulness, respect, ambition, attractiveness, honesty, and compassion. Life has definitely changed in the almost decade since then. I’ll have to admit that my dating experience up to this point hasn’t been successful; But I guess it’s been successful in the regard that I’m not stuck in a relationship with someone who isn’t suited for me. I still love music but it’s harder to find a guy that will call me than a guy that can sing. While there are a lot of fish in the sea, a lot of them are hiding behind the coral reef. Apparently.

by

Religion at its best

I had what one might call a pretty rigorous religious upbringing. The mandatory family worships every morning and evening and attending church services weekly. My family was at church even when other people weren’t and we did hundreds of hours of volunteer services for the good of the church. Church was never a suggestion, it was a requirement. My parents (bless their hearts) kinda sabotaged my spiritual life, I wasn’t allowed to choose what day I could be baptized on and what my religious beliefs would be.  It was already chosen for me. My beliefs followed me through high school and college due to the extensive  foundation. After graduation from college, I moved 1000 miles away from home and continued to attend church regularly as I had been taught. I found a church and I was very involved. However, as I was going to my graduate school classes and working I realized that I really hadn’t taken the time to develop my own set of beliefs. I learned so much from all my classes and realized that my religious background was ill-equipped to address the questions that arose. I became a bit of a religious wanderer and joined a huge church with 7,000 members and immediately became very involved. I was there at least 4 days out of the week assisting various ministries. But I eventually decided that it wasn’t for me. Needless to say, my upbringing has made me think about how I would like to raise my future children and I have to say it will be much different.

by

2016 life 

2016 was one of the most challenging years. As usual, I didn’t get to travel as much as I wanted but I had two epic all inclusive vacations that were both a week long. While some of my year (7 months) was spent in a cubicle in a job I hated answering phones and sitting in an hour of traffic each way, it didn’t last forever. I made the decision to make a change and I put my stuff in storage and moved across the country to start a new job. I got dumped by a boyfriend and loved and lost several times. I conducted several couples therapy intensives and helped people to have better marriages. I had a beach day in Miami and several places in Mexico. I had my own apartment with cable and DVR for the first time. There were many ups and downs but I’m grateful to see the end of the year. I learned a lot about myself and others and I’m looking forward to being better and doing better in 2017. 

by

Lessons from 2016

1. Just like the Jazmine Sullivan song, “forever doesn’t last always.” You can’t control the choices of others but you can decide your reaction 2. Online dating is hard and doesn’t always yield the results you want. Assume everyone is lying until proven otherwise and it’ll be ok. 

3. It’s ok to live outside the box for a while. A normal 9-5 doesn’t and won’t fit everyone. 

4. Appreciate the small things and don’t sweat the big stuff. Take it all in a stride.

5. Don’t take people who care about you for granted. Life is short.

by

Cruising

This past week I had a chance to do one of my favorite things in the world–vacation. I honestly don’t know how people live life without taking a break from everything and recharging. There’s nothing like it in the world and as someone who tends to internalize everything, it’s good to take a break. For the first time in my life I took a cruise and it was amazing. There’s absolutely nothing that compares to sleeping to the rocking of the ship and the sounds of the waves from your open balcony. From the unlimited drinks to the cute guy I met, to swimming with dolphins, to snorkeling for the first time, the trip was a raging success. I’ll definitely be cruising somewhere again soon. I don’t usually post pictures but I’ll make an exception. Best trip of 2016! 

by

Choices and decisions

Not too long ago I had the experience of being flown in for an interview. I have to admit that it was an experience that I’ve never had before and I enjoyed the opportunity to travel without any personal expense. The position was for a job at my alma mater. It felt so surreal and full-circle to walk the same grounds that I walked as a teenager and be there in a different capacity. All my former professors seemed happy to see me back as a potential colleague. I met with the president and vice president. And all I felt was confined. It wasn’t that the position wasn’t nice or that I felt that it was totally out of my comfort zone. It was the expectations that came along with it. While I had a good college experience, it was also very sheltered. There were multiple rules that had to be followed in order to escape expulsion. While I had a genuine desire to give back, I realized that I didn’t want to teach or enforce rules that I didn’t have any intention of keeping. I appreciate people who are genuine and I knew that I wouldn’t be my best personal self if I felt conflicted between what was expected of me and my own thoughts and opinions. I’ve learned that sometimes the best professional decisions aren’t the best for me personally. I want to be fulfilled in a position but also feel that I can be genuine about my experiences and perspectives while learning from others. You have to learn how to say no to things that won’t benefit you in the long run. Now, to only learn that lesson about men…

by

Quick turnaround 

As my birthday draws a bit closer I thought I’d do a throwback story from way back in the vault on one of my first romantic interactions. Growing up, I was homeschooled so there wasn’t a lot of time for meaningful interactions with the opposite sex. While my parents were active in a church, dating was highly–and I mean HIGHLY discouraged. Needless to say, nothing notable happened on the romantic front during high school. Fast forward to the summer after my first semester of college. I did a youth scholarship program to raise money that consisted of going to the DMV area to sell books (door to door, parking lots, and businesses). While I learned a lot, it wasn’t easy being rejected on an hourly basis but I survived. I went with a group of other college students that included a few guys. There was one in particular who was interesting. He was very headstrong and not the most mature like many 18 or 19 year old freshman. Living with a group of people for two months straight has its pros and cons. We all got to know each other really well. The guy and I became pretty cool. Not close, but cool. We had some good conversations but nothing remotely romantic in nature. Fast forward to the end of the summer. The group disbands and we all go our separate ways. Not too long afterwards he contacted me. We talked for a while and then he confessed that he had had a crush on me during the summer when we worked together. He talked about wanting to get to know me better and spending more time together when we went back to campus in August. I was surprised but somewhat agreeable to the idea. He got off the phone with a promise to call the next day. The next days rolls around and I get a call from him as promised. This time it’s a very short call. He’s made a mistake and he’s sorry. He wants to take everything back about getting to know me better and doesn’t know why he said that but he still thinks I’m a good person.While it was surprising, it wasn’t crushing. I didn’t have much of a reaction. I pretty much said “have a nice life” and hung up. And as expected, I never heard from him again…