I’ve always been the kind of person who got bored easily. This is particularly evidenced by the fact that I decided to pursue a graduate level education in three different fields. I’m always thinking about the next move, the next step, the next trip. I love variety mixed with consistency. This seems like a contradiction but it really isn’t. I love the idea of settling down and having a long career but it needs to be on my terms. I don’t know how long I could manage my time being allocated by someone else. It just seems like a form of cruel and unusual punishment. I’ve gotten the chance to meet a few people and I mean a few who truly live their lives on their own terms. These are people who are content about where they are in their lives. While they are striving to fulfill the rest of their goals, they have also cultivated the habit of enjoying the journey and not taking themselves too seriously. As someone who had a grand total of about 4 moments of contentment last year, I’m challenged to find value in the little things of life. Being easily bored just means that I have to get a lot more creative when I have to accomplish a long and monotonous task. In a similar way, I think it’s equally important to be constantly advancing in some way that helps you develop the right tools to be of help to others when they need it.
Tag Archives: change
Rubber and the Road (and Scandal)
So life has once again brought me to a place where I have to make a very hard decision. It’s not critically life changing and doesn’t involve a career change. However, it’s interesting because the decision isn’t the most convenient and it doesn’t benefit me in any way. I’ve learned that sometimes the right thing feels like the wrong thing to do. Especially when it’s best for everyone else except you. While I’m not advocating being an emotional martyr I am saying that character doesn’t come out of convenience. It’s the tough times (and decisions) that show our true colors. In my case the decision has been made. The only thing to figure out at this point is a way to communicate clearly and effectively while getting the point across. I’ve learned that it’s one thing to make a decision but another thing totally to follow through. I guess a great example of this is one of the recent Scandal episodes where the new vice president explains that there is a difference between a law that sounds good and a law that is actually enforceable. If there’s no action to follow the decision then it’s pointless. So my goal is to take this as a learning experience and to make sure that my actions follow my decision because that’s where the rubber hits the road. It’s not easy but it’s very necessary and the right thing to do. Will I have that warm fuzzy feeling of knowing that I did the right thing and decided to be unselfish in my actions? Probably not. But it’s better in the long run and 20 years from now I’ll be happy with myself. Keeping the long term in mind.
The Move
This week has definitely been interesting to say the least. I’ve always hated packing things up and I was spared this mind- numbing activity by my wonderful mother who consented to be flown in from across the continent to help me pack. I had forgotten how much time and energy goes into moving considering the fact that I haven’t moved in almost 4 years. College was one of those times where I always felt like I was dissembling my life every four months when the semester ended and I used to hate having to pack while studying for finals. When I got a letter in the mail informing me of a raise in the rent I decided it was time to look at other housing options. While I love the idea of a new environment, the actual execution of packing and looking for a new apartment was very daunting. One of my retirement activities needs to be scrapbooking because I like to keep small and insignificant mementos that end up in random shoeboxes stored away. The thing about moving is that it takes some adjusting. You have to find all your favorite things, arrange your kitchen and then change your address on everything. As much as I love being spontaneous and doing new things, I’m also a creature of habit and I don’t like moving once a place becomes familiar. And while the new place qualifies as an “I made it” sort of place with many of the coveted amenities of apartments, it’s still unfamiliar and weird. I think that one of the reasons moving is stressful is because people are required to adjust to a new environment. They no longer sleep and eat in the same place. It takes some getting used to. I’ve put off buying any furniture for the past 3 years so maybe it’s time to get that done.
Change is Good
I’m the type of person who believes that one shouldn’t count their eggs before they hatch. I’ve seen too many people have to eat their words because they announced that they were doing something or that they were going to get something and it never happened. I also know individuals who continually post and write “updates” on their progress achieving their dreams and yet there are no results despite years of posting about what they are doing. Regardless of all that, I like discussing things after the fact. Not too long ago I decided that I needed to quit my job (again). For some people a decision like that is pretty hard to make. It means uncertainty and additional stress as they have to once again enter the job market. You’ll never hear me talk about how much I love being single and doing my own thing but I must say that career decisions are easier to make when you don’t have to think about how it will affect your husband and children. My decisions primarily affect me solely. That being said, I realized that I needed a job that was more in line with my personality. One thing I’ve talked about at some point is how much I hate the Monday through Friday 9-5 traditional work week. Mondays are hell on earth and at 5pm on Fridays it feels like someone gave you a new lease on life (at least for the next two days). I didn’t want to live my life like that. The last time I decided that I needed a new job I put in my notice without having any idea of what I was going to do next. While doing this is not advised, I didn’t care and I had a strong feeling that I’d just get another job and I did. The same thing happened recently when I got a new job. I say all this to say that sometimes you have to rock your own boat. So many times things happen to us that are out of our control and we forget that there are some things we CAN control–like our jobs. It can be so easy to get into a rut and not move from it. This new year, I’m making some changes. My plan again is to travel more and I’ve already made progress on that goal. School once again is going to take priority over some other stuff so I’m reorganizing and evaluating my participation and presence in things that do not contribute to that goal. It’s a simple thing to say but harder to implement.
Doing it for you
I’ve had awesome opportunities to travel this year. I’ve posted on quite a few of them. I’m in the process of finalizing the plans for the last few trips of the year. This year has been full of changes and I can honestly say that I feel like a different person from the one I was in January. It’s funny how a change of perspective can also change your actions. While I’ve always made decisions based on my career goals and professional opportunities, it’s time to make some for more personal reasons. Like something as trivial as happiness or a comforting illusion like security or stability. The truth of the matter is that we won’t live forever and we aren’t allowed do-overs in life. That being said, I think life is too short to spend substantial amounts in places you don’t like for the purpose of professional goals. We are all familiar in some way with sacrifices needed in order to get where we want to get in life. But it quickly becomes pointless when sanity is sacrificed and self care is abandoned. So there is a choice that has to be made. The choice to do something for you instead of for your goals. It’s time.
Instinct
Back in May of this year I took a weekend trip to Dallas and was introduced to this book by some friends. I’ve always been wary of self help books, but this one was different. Lately I’ve been running into a lot of people who just seem stuck. They work, go home and repeat for years without really doing anything different. They always talk about places they want to travel to but they know they’ll never go. Their lives consist of the mundane without any plans to change their routine. I am deathly afraid of becoming one of those people. This book was honestly one of the top three books I read this year. It focuses specifically on becoming the best you that you can be by making use of your unique talents and gifts. Jakes uses great examples and simple language to encourage the reader to take inventory of his or her passions and then use them to make a difference in the world. The biggest challenge in doing this is that it requires you to get out of your comfort zone and leave the familiar. You’re exchanging security for freedom. But the end result to doing this is fulfillment and the opportunity to actually leave a legacy that you’re proud of.
Dreamless
This past week has been interesting as I laid to rest a 6 year dream of mine. As someone who often plans years in advance, it was a disappointment that the hundreds of choices I made that were in line with this dream were all for naught. I knew it was coming and I knew that it would be uncomfortable but I misjudged the level of non comfort I would feel. Dreams can be one of the things in our lives that inspire us to hope. It’s interesting how I was so convinced at one point that I would have my dream fulfilled but as time passed, I saw it escaping my grasp until it was gone completely. And there was nothing I could do about it. I think that we’ve all been in places where things have happened out of our control that we can’t fix. The crushing of a dream requires an evaluation of one’s life and goals. You think in a different way because your thoughts are no longer filtered through the lens of your dream. The finality of that fact might be both a blessing and a curse because it requires an adjustment of thought. However, we have to acknowledge the change in our lives and in some situations fill the gap of the dead dream with another dream that we can pursue. We can take the “L” and move on with the knowledge that we learned something worthwhile from the experience despite the discomfort at the end.
Give me a reason
Most of us have heard at one point or another is the fact that you can’t change people. Millions of hearts have been unnecessarily broken because their owners did not believe this fact. While I absolutely believe that this is true, I think that there may be some exceptions. The fact of the matter is that people can change each other. The point is that you can’t change someone by trying to do that. It makes absolutely no sense being in a relationship with someone because you think one day they’ll see the light and change for the better. The truth of the matter is that sometimes it’s easy to underestimate the impact that people have on each other. Social psychology teaches that a person is shaped and developed by his or her social interactions with others. We have an impact of people–whether we like it or not. The chain effect of human interaction and friendship is often underestimated. Try to change someone and you’ll fail. Present someone with the opportunity to change in a way that makes them feel as if they aren’t changing–merely evolving, and drop some very subtle motivational hints. Insert some positive reinforcement and you have a much better change of getting them to change. While this example may be a little much (and manipulative), my point is that that there is a way to influence people to change in a way that makes them feel good about it. Winston Churchill said that tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell and have him look forward to the trip. But I digress. My point is that people need motivation to change and many times their relationships and interactions with others can serve as this motivation. People can change, they just need a reason.
The truth about transitions
One thing that has really popped up for me in the past few days is the importance of transitions in our lives. Life is full of changes and it often seems as if there isn’t any stability. Transitions occur at so many stages of our lives. They are both planned and unplanned. While we can’t always plan for the transitions, the bigger question is how we respond to them and who do we surround ourselves with while we’re going through. It’s important to know that every transition in our lives comes with the opportunity to learn and grow–regardless of the fact that the circumstances may be less than ideal. There is no such thing as a transition free life because there’s no such thing as problem free life. Transitions happen. And often opportunities for growth are often disguised in the unpleasant or uncomfortable.
Security vs. flexibility
Security. We all want it in some way or another. We all know a little kid who keep a blanket or some item with him or her all the time and it serves as a source of security. I think that as we get older, we look more for relational or financial security because we see it as important. One thing that I’ve noticed about myself more is that while I really appreciate and enjoy flexibility, security and stability are slowing climbing the list of my priorities. And it seems as if life is throwing me the curveball of extra flexibility. My mind is always going and I always have ideas but I tend to stick to what I know sometimes instead of venturing out into the big black unknown. But I feel a change coming as I start to plan going to a higher level of flexibility–or even something different. I tend to over-plan and analyze because I have an attraction to the concept of security. However, it’s time for me to crawl out of the box of my comfort zone and to experience more of what life has to offer. We’ll see how it goes….
Alisha's Angle 