Have you ever looked around and wondered why so many people live in a box? Not literally. While there are millions of people who live in boxes I’m referring to the box of the expectations of other people. One thing that social psychology has taught me is how much we influence each other. The saying, “no man is an island” actually has some truth to it. We are more productive in a community that is positive and supportive. However, sometimes it’s necessary to venture out of the community on your own. It’s easy to settle for stuff when you’re in a group of people doing the same thing. There are numerous examples of people who had to separate themselves from their peers and friends in order to succeed in life. It’s the life that 95% of people don’t want to live. They may be uncomfortable in the box but they’ll never leave because they aren’t willing to risk being misunderstood by their close friends and family. Being truly successful means breaking free of the expectations of others and competing with yourself. The 5% of people who are successful are willing to go the extra mile and do what others are too lazy, too tired, too busy, and too unfocused to do. It’s not an easy road but the results are permanent.
Tag Archives: ambition
Traveling Thoughts
One of my goals this year is to travel more and I haven’t been the greatest at that as yet. This weekend I took my first trip this year. I was a kid that grew up traveling all over the Southeast and Midwest area of the United States. Sadly, these trips usually included of 12 hours or more of riding in a van. As I got older and learned to drive, the trips were more enjoyable because I could actually do something instead of sleeping or reading in the car. My siblings and I had some great experiences exploring the downtown areas of different cities and going to various museums and zoos. Even today, while I like going to my tried and true favorite spots, I also love to go places I’ve never gone before and have a totally new experience. The problem with traveling for me is that it takes probably about six weeks of planning in order to make it happen. While I am spontaneous and I like spur of the moment stuff, living in the middle of nowhere really puts a damper on that. I have to coordinate all my job schedules, find a place for my dog, ensure that I have no prior obligations, and plan for flights and transportation. In addition, this also includes doing school work in advance and then doubling up when I get home in order to ensure that I don’t fall behind in assignments. All of this can easily become a logistical nightmare. However, there are few happy feelings that beat walking onto the elongated trailer thingy that connects to the plane. The start of a new adventure and a chance for new experiences and people. I’m determined to have more of that this year. Despite all the logistics and financial challenges, life is too short to feel trapped in the middle of nowhere. I’m traveling more this year.
The Game of Odds
This article was so interesting to me because the author took the time to break down what (he) thinks it takes for a woman to marry. Granted, while he (supposedly) is quoting information from a book, there is absolutely no citations or references at the end of the article. Despite this, the article was very direct and organized and makes a lot of sense. I have to admit that my favorite part was the quote about making getting a husband a priority after age 30 and not being the last person to “get off the bus” in terms of matrimony. Overall, I think that there’s some great advice that one can take away from the author’s perspective. Plus, it’s an easy read.
Thoughts from the Shark Tank
I’m not a big television watcher. This is largely due to the fact that I don’t really have the time and I don’t have cable. I’m not a huge fan of reality or game shows. However, the tv show, Shark Tank has really caught my eye. One thing that my parents drilled into me growing up was the importance of owning your own business. My siblings and I never got allowances because we were told that we were “allowed” to have free room and board. But I digress. Shark Tank is a great show because you get the chance to see people market themselves in order to grow their business. In fact, when you think about it, a lot of life depends on how you “market” or sell your skills to other people. One thing that is very apparent after watching the show is that that presentation is everything. Contestants on the show name their terms and how much money they need to pursue their dream and grow their business. They explain their services or products in detail and answer all the probing questions from the sharks. One thing that always amazes me is the number of people who do not know what they are talking about. It’s their business, their time to shine and they haven’t a clue. I came across a quote from Napoleon Hill this week that stated, “There is one weakness in people for which there is no remedy. It is the universal weakness of lack of ambition!” I can definitely agree with that sentiment and I think that there are many people who fit into that category. Starting your own thing takes time, dedication and ambition and I have a lot of respect for people who make that decision.
Changes and Challenges
So today I started a new job. Not a hustle or on a “as needed” basis, but a real job. It’s something that I’ve (halfway) actively pursuing since early last year. While I’m excited about new opportunities, I’m also hesitant. I love flexibility but it’s time to have something resembling security with health insurance and a 401K. I’ve met so many people who settle for a “regular” job, they put in their hours, go home, raise a family, take a vacation once a year, retire, and die. Not a bad plan, but definitely not for me. This job is not where I want to be for the rest of my life. It’s a means to an end. And if I have to sacrifice by waking up early EVERY morning in order to get stuff done and to meet my goals, so be it. I’m not a morning person but I’ll be one because what I want to be as a professional is bigger than pushing the snooze button on my alarm clock. There’s a saying that says one has to be willing to do what others won’t do in order to get what others won’t get. In my case, getting a regular job is doing what others are doing. However, my special twist is that I’m also pairing it with three additional jobs and an increasingly challenging doctoral program. With the end goal of being in a very very good professional place by the time I’m 25. The biggest challenge will definitely be balance and making sure that I don’t get in my own way. I’ve made some hard choices and there are plenty more to come. But, as I tell my clients, settling feels good for the moment but you never get any lasting results. Being deliberate and planning takes time, effort, and sacrifice but it sure beats waking up one morning and realizing that you’ve wasted your life. At least in my opinion.
Small Stuff
In the past few weeks, I’ve had conversations with women in which they talk about a man’s good traits and bad traits but then say that something that he does or believes in is an automatic deal breaker for them and thus, he is no longer under consideration for anything other than a distant friend. I believe in standards. I have them and for the most part, I stick to them. But the common theme that has been the deal breaker in conversations with numerous women is that the man does not have a college degree or above. The reasons given for this blatant disregard for anyone who doesn’t meet this standard is that there will be nothing to talk about if the man isn’t educated. In today’s society, so much weight is placed on where you went to school, what your grades were, what your degree was in, if you finished college. This has happened to the extent that there are people who honestly think that going to college is an indication of intelligence. Maybe it’s the homeschooler in me, but I honestly think that having an education is not an indication of intelligence at all. At all. These days you don’t even have to be smart to make good grades. I’m definitely a witness to that. You just have to know the system and how to find the right resources to get the information that you need. While I don’t necessarily consider myself “educated,” I probably somewhat fit the criteria for that particular term. I can honestly say that the many of the smartest and most intelligent people I know do not have college degrees. People who think outside the box tend to make more money and are more successful than those who don’t. Education is a box. My point in saying all this is that you miss out on a lot when you immediately disregard someone because they don’t meet a particular educational requirement. College is honestly not for everyone and there are plenty of people who have made millions without stepping foot inside a college classroom. It’s about the desire to learn and the ability to find the resources you need to get where you want to go. These days, almost everything you would get in a college classroom is accessible on some level through the internet at a much lower price. There are so many better things you can use to screen potential significant others but I don’t think that highest education level should be one of them.
Something vs. Someone
There’s a huge difference between wanting something and someone. I think that a lot of times it’s easy to group both of these things in the same category. It’s our human nature to want what we don’t currently have. It’s easy, convenient, and can be a reflection of who we truly are inside. However, wanting an inanimate or a tangible object–even to accomplish a certain goal is very different from wanting a person. When you want something, you can work towards it. You can take the necessary steps needed to acquire what you want. Not the same with a person. When you’re dealing with a person, you are dealing not only with them but their background, values, and even their environment. Despite all your best efforts, you can’t make anyone “belong” to you. You can’t scheme around that. If you don’t meet their definition of attractiveness/beauty, you’re pretty much attempting to row upstream without a paddle. It’s easier to plan to get something and to execute the plan than to execute the same plan with a person. There’s too many variables out of your control when you’re dealing with another person. The odds are rarely ever in your favor.
Security vs. flexibility
Security. We all want it in some way or another. We all know a little kid who keep a blanket or some item with him or her all the time and it serves as a source of security. I think that as we get older, we look more for relational or financial security because we see it as important. One thing that I’ve noticed about myself more is that while I really appreciate and enjoy flexibility, security and stability are slowing climbing the list of my priorities. And it seems as if life is throwing me the curveball of extra flexibility. My mind is always going and I always have ideas but I tend to stick to what I know sometimes instead of venturing out into the big black unknown. But I feel a change coming as I start to plan going to a higher level of flexibility–or even something different. I tend to over-plan and analyze because I have an attraction to the concept of security. However, it’s time for me to crawl out of the box of my comfort zone and to experience more of what life has to offer. We’ll see how it goes….
Get Rich or Die Tryin’
This motto has honestly probably affected a lot of people in some way or the other. It was the name of 50 Cent’s album that he released in 2003 and was certified platinum eight times. I think that I can identify with this statement in the sense I can’t even put into words how much I ABSOLUTELY hate not having the money to do what I want to in life. Now, being alive beats being dead. However, I think that there’s a marked difference between being alive and having a LIFE. I’ve noticed that the people telling me that “money isn’t everything” usually don’t have it. In NO way am I saying that if you don’t have money, you might as well be dead because that would be stupid. But I AM saying that having money can improve one’s quality of life. I’d bet a lot of money that there are millions of people who would quit their jobs if they suddenly became independently wealthy. They would travel, buy houses, go on vacations and do all the things that they’ve always wanted to do. Yet they’re trapped living paycheck to paycheck at a job that they hate with bosses they can’t stand. I don’t want that life. There’s something inside of me that refuses to be part of the mainstream. The choice to do better starts with a desire to do better. I’ve been able to meet a few people whose ambition I admire. They’re gone against the grain and worked hard to be successful. It’s easy to be mediocre but it takes work to be great. Why not take the time to surround yourself with people that are doing better than you? You only have one life to live and it would really suck if you wasted it doing things that you hated because you stayed in “survival mode” for decades. There’s something about someone’s drive to succeed that is very motivating. Excellence never happens by accident. There’s always a strategy involved. “Get Rich or Die Tryin'” or “Stay Broke and Live Survivin'” The choice is yours.
My weird personality
Lately, I’ve been working on becoming more self aware. One part of this process was taking a personality test. I had to take about 4 of them in my undergraduate program because it was required and my teachers wanted us to all be aware of our various personalities and how it would affect our careers. Since then, I haven’t taken other test except for one that told you what your personality was after you picked colors in a certain sequence. That being said, this new test that I took really was eye-opening. It was called the DISC assessment and I had never heard of it before but apparently it’s pretty popular. Scoring the test after I took it was pretty intense but I was somewhat surprised with the results. I scored almost exactly the same for two of the personality types. I was a “C” for conscientious and “D” for dominance. And while these personality types were both task oriented, the “C” was more analytical and methodical in finding information. In contrast the “D” was more dominant and more likely to act out of impulse when making decision and was also more ego-centric. The test was actually pretty accurate and I could see situations where both personality traits were used. I was somewhat surprised at the Dominant aspect because I’m not someone who has to always be applauded. Sure, I like power and influence, but who doesn’t? I do love a good challenge and if I don’t think that I can do it, I’m always going to push myself to the limit to see if it’s possible. I like to work independently and I’m pretty decent at managing troubles. In fact, I once was able to convince a stranger over the phone not to press legal action on the place where I was working. I really feel as if my personality is a mixture of my environment and social interactions and I’ve noticed that I’m somewhat of a chameleon and I can easily blend in when I’m with groups of people. If you haven’t taken a personality test, I’d definitely recommend it. You’ll learn a lot. Guaranteed.
Alisha's Angle 