Part of the nature of my job is that I completely change places every few month but it also means that I tend to move quite frequently. Recently, I went through yet another move due to the lease ending on my apartment and it has been more of an adjustment than usual. I try not to do it, but I think that I got emotionally attached to my old place. There were so many good memories but also countless tears cried as I tried to figure out my life and navigate the ever confusing world of dating. My apartment became the place I could go when I had a long day at work and just wanted to sleep when I got home. It was the apartment I went back to after graduating with my PhD and where I celebrated getting a faculty job at my alma mater. It was also the space where I dealt with some of the stress going on in my life and started to meditate in order to sleep more deeply at night. It was the space where I got to spend some quality time with someone who meant a lot to me and where we had some amazing conversations about everything under the sun. I inwardly groaned each time that I walked up all those steps to the third floor but I was secretly glad that at least I got some cardio from merely going home. It was the place where I got a second job offer and completed a total of over six weeks of training. It was my space. And for some reason, losing it has been really challenging. So many times people talk about having something or someone that grounds them and losing my space was a big reminder that I need to be deliberate in doing that for myself. The downside of traveling all the time is that there really isn’t a space to call home and that can make it challenging to really build meaningful connections with others. It’s not impossible but definitely challenging when you’re a homebody. I love to travel and by love, I mean LOVE. But there’s something to be said about having a home to go to after you’re done with traveling. So as I type from my new temporary place, I’m reminded of the fact once again that I think I’m gonna need to settle down soon. Stability is good for the soul. I think.
I’ve made so many decisions since I moved back the South. Where I was going to live, what I was going to do, where I wanted to go, etc. In addition to starting a new job, I’ve also been tasked with keeping up with another job I have and simultaneously getting another two jobs off the ground and running. The thought of totally working for myself has always scared me to an extent. As an unmarried single person, there isn’t even the “safety net” of a spouse who could hold me down while I got something off the ground. I remember reading a quote that said entrepreneurship is like jumping off a cliff and building a parachute on the way down. The thing about building a location based business is that you have to be willing to put down some roots in order to build up some clientele and network. It isn’t something that happens overnight and it takes some deliberate effort. But maybe it’s time to do something different and consider settling down for a change. While I love the idea of some stability, I also hate the feeling of being stuck without a good reason. And if I have to settle down I want it to be close to a beach where I can see and swim with some dolphins. But the truth is that if I’m taking the fairly big step of renting an office, then I need to do something that actually justifies the monthly fee that I’m paying. Logistically, having even two private clients a month would pay for the office itself. Two people out of a city of several million doesn’t sound too bad. It just means that I need to be strategic and market appropriately. Maybe it’s time to step out and do something different. I don’t love the idea of working for other people for the rest of my life.
This post is somewhat of a continuation to a previous one. I discussed a no contact order and when it is usually appropriate as a choice. Lately I’ve had to put myself on one and it has not been fun. However, the purpose of a no contact order is not for convenience. It’s a choice that’s made in order to get some clarity or even some space from another person. We all hate getting mixed messages and sometimes interacting with people on a daily basis can increase the likelihood of misunderstanding. I’m not advocating for avoidance and the great thing about a no contact order that I’m learning is that while I make my own terms I also have to stick to them. I’ve noticed that my no contact order has increased my awareness of what’s going on around me. This has been a good thing but it has also been challenging because I’ve noticed that there’s a lot of things I intentionally ignore and now I’m picking up on things I would normally not notice or ignore. It’s somewhat similar to being hyper vigilant. In my situation, the no contact order wasn’t something that I would normally choose for myself but the situation absolutely demands a more radical reaction and plan. That means that emotions and feelings have be pushed aside for the purpose of achieving some clarity and enough space to make a decision that is not purely emotional. Instead of operating on a hunch or a feeling, facts and logic also have to be considered and my no contact order is making that possible. Despite the fact that it’s not fun and doesn’t have an end date, it’s helping me to separate emotions from facts and make better informed decisions. Not an easy process but maybe (hopefully) worth it.