Tag Archives: People

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Sleeping In

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I’m a self-described night person who has been forced to be more of a morning person due to work obligations. As a result, I’ve become more appreciative of the days where mandatory attendance in the morning is not necessary. I can understand the importance of accomplishing work early in the day, but I would also like to be fully awake. Getting up in the early morning is an example of discipline that I have had to develop despite my natural balking at someone deciding my schedule for me. Regardless, I think that this might be some form of preparation for motherhood. Taking actions despite emotions that might argue otherwise. I think that can be a good thing.

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Real Struggle

This week has been one of stress, deadlines, and people in crisis. It started with a very stressful meeting on Monday morning and spiraled from there. As I get up to go to work each day, I think about the thousands and probably millions of people who are institutionalized in some form. The people who we never think about because we are too busy living our lives. Those who spend days, months or years in one room because of physical or mental limitations. Or even the little kids who spend a significant part of the day inside a building sitting when they would rather be playing outside. The world isn’t fair and it will never be. The sad thing is that sometimes we institutionalize or confine ourselves without even knowing it. We feel bad about those around us and feel powerless to help them while we continue to limit ourselves on a daily and maybe even hourly basis. One of my goals in this new year is to identify and disrupt negative cycles that impact me personally. In addition to helping others, I want to help myself. To not become so immersed in the struggles of others that I leave my own life unattended. We’ll see how that goes.

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Reflections

Lately I’ve been doing some self reflection as I often advise others to do. As someone who enjoys the study of psychology, I recently found myself revisiting personality tests that I did in college for an assignment. So according to the test I have a Choleric/Melancholy personality. While both of these types have some good qualities, the bad ones were really bad. “Unemotional, “overbearing,” “rigid,” and “stubborn” were among some of the terms used. I immediately did some self inventory and realized that I definitely had some of those personality traits. I partly blame it on being an oldest child and a parentified child at that. I’ve always said that one of the good things about being a therapist is that sometimes you can use your own tricks on yourself. As a result, I’m constantly assessing myself in some fashion. However, it’s easy to self sabotage when you are constantly nit-picking your life. Nothing is good enough. You’re never satisfied and your standards are impossible. This mindset leaves little time to celebrate small and almost meaningless accomplishments. That’s my self reflection.

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No more

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Have you ever been in a conversation with someone that you wanted to end but didn’t want to appear rude? I like this picture because it’s a reminder that there are certain things that waste time. Time you can never get back. One thing I want to do is maximize my time and I can’t do that if I’m stuck in meaningless interactions with people who share the same characteristics as parasites. People will always want something from you but their demands should never dictate your life.

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Affordable Assumptions

It’s been said that the human brain remembers everything that has ever happened. While many times we may not consciously remember certain events, our brain can remember on a subconscious level. One thing that has always interested me is how certain things such as songs or smells can immediately made us think about an experience whether good or bad that we have associated with said song or smell. While this can bring back happy memories, for some it’s the start of a flashback of a traumatic event. In a similar way to how smells or songs bring back memories and transport our minds back to certain events, people can be a similar trigger. There are certain people who we are familiar with who we see again after a long period of time and instantly we remember our last interaction with them. The feelings and emotions surrounding that interaction also comes to the forefront of our mind–all from seeing the person or even seeing a picture of them. This experience can also affect our actions to those around us because we become caught up in our own memories to the point that it informs our present behavior. If it’s a pleasant memory, we may find ourselves responding more positively or genuinely to others who have had some part to play in the experience of the past. Many times, this can happen without a conscious thought because our brain hasn’t forgotten these moments. It’s in these moments where we sometimes create assumptions about someone that may or may not be true. These assumptions are rooted in our previous experiences with them even though it may have been years since we’ve seen them face to face. It’s my opinion that these assumptions can sometimes prove detrimental because we are operating off of previous memories, feelings, and emotions. One example of this is someone who takes back their ex-significant other because they remember all the good times they had and their selective memory blocks out the behaviors that made them leave him or her in the first place. The truth of the matter is that we can’t always afford to make these assumptions. While it’s indeed nice to associate a pleasant memory with a person we have to take into account that people change and also realize that we might have changed as well. Sometimes assumptions aren’t affordable because they leave us too exposed vulnerable to people who may not be exactly who we remember them to be. It’s a tough lesson to learn because it can be extremely hard to challenge the good memories you’ve had with someone with the new reality of who they are.

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Socializing

Lately I’ve tried to make it a priority to be more social and have new experiences. So far this endeavor has been fairly successful. I’m someone who is pretty introverted at times. And while I wouldnt go as far to say that I’m anti social, I do enjoy being around people I know instead of making small talk with perfect strangers. There are a few situations that I’ve been in where I meet people and they are instantly my friends. These are rare occasions. Needless to say, I dread new social situations. And the word “dread” is a nice understatement. While I’m mature enough to recognize them as opportunities to grow, one hundred percent of the time I’d rather not be bothered. However, it is necessary to push beyond my feeling and just jump in feet first. I know many other people who feel the same way. Some push themselves and others just retreat further into their shell and never venture out. While I would much rather talk to a stadium of thousands than make small talk with a neighbor, I recognize the importance of making these connections. So the goal of new experiences and social situations remains but at least I’m making some kind of progress. At the end of the day, that’s what matters.

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The social media truth

This week I’ve taken a break from two of the most popular social media sites. It’s not been super easy but good in the long run to gather my thoughts together. I’ve never fully understood the point of posting about every single mundane detail that happens in your life. But I admit that it’s interesting to browse and see what’s going on. The thing about social media is that it can have you convinced that you are close to someone when you’re not. Liking their activity or commenting does not mean they are obligated to let you in their real life lives. Social media allows you to be whoever you want to be. You can create an image or a perception of a person that is the complete opposite of your personality. There’s also sometimes even a false perception on anonymity,so in contrast, other individuals might be more honest on social media than they ever are in person. The fact that is ignored by millions is the fact that time spent on social media sites you don’t get back. There are people who make money but the vast majority isn’t paid to do anything on social media. It’s like a black hole of time that you’ll never get back–or even compensated for. I’m not debating the rightness or wrongness excessive social media time but the truth is that too much of a good thing is a bad thing.

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The Spring Feeling

While spring is coming to an end, the fact that it snowed in Colorado last week was a discouragement to the inevitability of summer A few months ago I did a blog post on The Winter Feeling. Well folks, winter is pretty much over and in its place comes Spring Fever or as I like to call it, The Spring Feeling. The Spring Feeling is something that affect everyone in some way. The cold winter has started to thaw and people slowly and gradually start to come out of hibernation. They become more active and emotions run high. People become more easily irritated because deep down inside nobody wants to be stuck doing work while the weather is absolutely perfect. Engagements are a dime a dozen and so are pregnancies. Love seems to resemble a contagious virus that everyone seems to be catching. There’s something about spring that makes people want to either have babies or even sometimes having a burst of immature childish behaviors that they should have grown out of decades ago. Regardless, the spring feeling is one of transition. While summer is coming, people are talking about gaining that perfect beach body and they have a sudden new motivation for those disregarded New Year’s Resolutions.  

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What do you do when you have a million and one thoughts running around in your head that need to be connected by reading them? You blog. And unfortunately, the randomness that may come as a part of this spontaneous blog post may violate the NUMBER ONE rule of blogging: “Only have one subject” or the number two rule: “Don’t be wordy.” Well this one may actually be wordy. For the sake of the people reading this, I think I’ll at least separate this non-subject blog into topics. Topic One: One thing that I’ve mentioned in previous blog posts is the amount of traveling that I’ve done in the past few months. Five weekend trips in six weekends has been no joke. Trying to keep up with schoolwork and managing a job without taking PTO has been a superhuman feat that (thankfully) is almost over. As someone who loves to travel, it has been great seeing the world outside of the little bubble of work and school that perpetually seems to overshadow my life. Topic Two: The whole idea of choices has really been in the forefront of my mind these last couple days. I’ve been able to benefit from a series of particular choices I made that began in March 2012. These choices involved being deliberate in certain actions that I knew would have an outcome. While I did not know what the outcome would be, I knew that it was preferable to making the opposite choice not to change my actions. These choices continued and more choices related to them were made with the full knowledge that all future choices needed to be in line with the ones previously made. As I began to build choices upon choices, I saw very small but also very pointed results. While the results were not always (and rarely are always) explicitly exactly what I want as far as long term, there are still results that come directly from those choices. I say all this to say that many times I think that people neglect to recognize and acknowledge how certain choices can not only change your life for the better or for the worse, but also that they lead to other choices in the similar track. An example of this are the drugs known as “gateway drugs”. Statistics tell use that people who use these specific drugs are more likely to try harder and more potent drugs. Choices lead to other choices and these choices ultimately shape our lives and who we are as people. We don’t always realize the impact of a particular choice and seldom take the time to view our lives as a series of choices that we made. People we chose to associate with or listen to. Things that we neglected or paid attention to. Opportunities for growth that we capitalized on or disregarded. I was reminded how making certain choices in my life served as the gateway to an environment or an experience that I didn’t “deserve” to have. But those consistent choices laid the ground work for a positive result. 

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Food for thought

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I’m not necessarily against being hard on yourself. I think that striving toward a goal and challenging ourselves can be a good thing. Nonetheless, having a good cry can be a way to release some tension. I think more women than men might be more comfortable with this but the truth of the matter is that you can acknowledge your feelings when you cry them out instead of keeping them in. I’m definitely talking to myself as someone who really isn’t a “cryer.” I love this quote because it’s a reminder that it’s easier to move on when you can acknowledge how you feel. And crying can be a part of that process.