Tag Archives: men

by

Emotional Hostage

Relationships can be tricky things. There isn’t a “one size fits all” formula that will work everyone. People want someone who will complement them because opposites tend to attract and it’s hard to have a good discussion when someone agrees with you ALL the time. But sometimes a relationship can develop into something like a hostage situation. You’ve seen it. There’s the couple who are always fighting and are constantly breaking up and getting back together again. One partner is always trying to distance themselves but they can’t stay away.  The other person knows exactly what buttons to push and what to say in order to have the other partner cave in and stay with them as an emotional hostage. It’s a cycle of dysfunction that has become comfortable. While some people can end a relationship and remain friends, the best way to end an emotional hostage type of relationship is to stop having any contact with the person. Change your number, find a new hobby, move somewhere else, etc. It can absolutely be done but it takes effort, determination, and action to move on with your life and leave the dysfunction behind.

by

How to ruin your chance at finding love

I read this article and just HAD to share it. Definitely guilty of some of these things at one time or another and I’m sure a lot of people can relate. There’s so much truth to it. 

Assume that being independent and being in a relationship have to be two mutually exclusive things.

via 27 Ways To Sabotage Your Chances At Finding The Love Of Your Life — Thought Catalog

 

 

by

A hard decision

I’m not quite sure why I’m sharing this story but I learned a lot so here goes. At the beginning of the year (mid-January) I got dumped. I’ll have to tell that story one day. After I got dumped I decided that I needed to actually start dating for the first time in my life. A great idea in theory. So I signed up for some online dating sites and the games began. Literally. In my search I met a guy who it appeared I was pretty compatible with. On paper he had a lot of things that I would want in a potential mate. Grew up in a stable two parent home, masters degree, decent job, active in the community, etc. He was also nice-looking and could dress (added bonus). I don’t know why, but I just felt drawn to him. We had similar values and interests and lived within a reasonable distance of each other.  We had some conversations and found out that we had a lot in common. Being the communicative person that I am, I made it clear from the beginning what I wanted out of a relationship that was absolutely non-negotiable. Time and attention. We texted every day but whenever the conversation meandered to spending some actual time together (i.e. a date) he would dodge and tell me about how busy he was. It got annoying and then it felt like I was nagging and I didn’t want to be that person. So I stopped and he never initiated anything. I waited a few weeks and then told him that it appeared we both wanted different things and that I was taking a step back. He never bothered to reply. The sad thing was that I think we had great potential. But I can’t make anyone decide to spend time with me and I want it to be entirely their decision. I don’t know what it was but I felt inexplicably drawn to him and wanted to be one of the things in his life that brought him happiness. He was intriguing and complex and was unlike anyone I’d ever known. I would have loved to get to know him better but he never gave me that chance.  I had to make the hard decision to cut my losses and walk away because I wasn’t getting what I needed and he flat out refused to even schedule any time with me. Wish there had been a different outcome.

by

To The Girl Who Won’t Move On Because She’s Afraid That There Would Be No One Else — Thought Catalog

PixabayTo the girl who won’t move on, because she’s afraid that there would be no one else, I beg of you, let go. Stop chasing after a boy who just can’t see your worth. He may have said all these beautiful things to you and maybe, at some point, there was little truth in what…

via To The Girl Who Won’t Move On Because She’s Afraid That There Would Be No One Else — Thought Catalog

 

Absolutely loved this article. Very timely words and they are very true. I think that sometimes it can be so hard to put yourself first because you would rather be with someone than alone. But sometimes you have to respect the choices of others and move on–no matter how hard it is.

by

Door slamming 

One thing that I’ve had a chance to do is to read up on my personality type. It’s been very eye opening to understand more about how I think and my perspective of the world around me. My personality type is known for bending over backwards for people until a limit is reached and then the relationship is severed. It’s typically called a door slam and isn’t something that happens often. But every once in a while you meet people who take but never provide anything in return. Recently I had to door slam a guy who wasn’t for me. Now to be honest, I should have cut him off earlier but I needed to make sure there wasn’t any redeemable quality. There are a lot of women out there who see themselves as a savior of sorts sent to rescue a man from himself and his bad decisions. I’m not one of them. There were several things that influenced my decision to sever all ties. He lived at least a thousand miles away and we had never met in person AND didn’t have any mutual friends. First, within days of initial dialogue he tried to convince me to fly up to meet him on my own dime. Keep in mind that he’s almost 40 with a job that pays the bills and a side hustle in the entertainment business as a promotor. Strike one. Second, he NEVER called and text messages consisted of small talk or his (self-proclaimed) abilities in a certain department. I wasn’t amused. Thirdly, in addition to wanting me to fly in, he also wanted me to “invest” a “small amount” of $3,500 into his promoter business. The purpose of this was to prove my loyalty and that I truly was down for him. And last but not least, he didn’t provide a lot of information about himself but a google search indicated that he was arrested fairly frequently on bail bond violations. I don’t know why, but I have this weird sixth sense thing that goes off when people lie to me or don’t tell me the full story. Huge red flag and ultimate deal breaker. Needless to say, he earned his exit pass out my life. Definitely not for me. 

by

The pregnant pastor

I ran across an interesting blog post that has also been making the rounds on various social media outlets. If you want to read it, you can find it here.  Just the comments alone are off the chain. The author tells her story of being a pregnant unmarried woman who is also a pastor and is not stepping down from her leadership position in the church. Oh the outcry! People are shocked that she would “dare” not publicly be repentant and spend months hiding away in shame due to an unplanned pregnancy. But she is clear in her article that she made her peace with herself and God and is moving on and enjoying the moments. It’s always been interesting how women are treated versus how quickly some people are to sweep a man’s indiscretions under the rug. There’s some type of righteous indignation that seems to follow pointing the finger at someone’s supposed “sin.” She’s not a young pre-teen. She’s a grown woman with a career and a stable home and yet people are riding her about her personal choices in her own life because she’s in a leadership position in her church. I understand the expectation that those in leadership uphold a certain standard of “acceptable” behavior. However, why is being sexually active and getting pregnant on the same level as adultery, stealing, or exploitation? There are plenty of men who have committed actual criminal offenses in leadership positions and have been allowed to get off scot-free with the “we all fall short” excuse. Life is short and can end without warning or reason so why exactly is abstinence before marriage still considered a sign of a “real” Christian? Don’t get me wrong, there are people who have chosen that life of abstinence for themselves and are happy and content with their choice. But there are others who it doesn’t work for. Of all the things to do in the world that are bad, why are the bedroom activities of two consenting unmarried adults judged so harshly? There’s literally so many other legitimate things to be up in arms about in this world we live in. A pregnant unmarried pastor is a non-issue (or at least should be). Next.

by

What an introvert wants

Vince PerraudWe crave your time. We crave you in the quiet of a Sunday afternoon, in the thunder of a Thursday storm. We don’t need much, just bring us your heart, pinned to your sleeve. Just bring us your mind, cupped within your palms. Bring us your closeness, your unhinged ribcage, your dreams and your…

via This Is What Every Introvert Craves In A Relationship — Thought Catalog

I almost shed a tear reading this particular article. The author hits the nail on the head with this one. I think that introverts are often misunderstood because they don’t always let others into their inner world.  I don’t know if I’ve ever read my wants written so eloquently and clearly. Great piece.

by

Attraction at its finest 

Not too long ago the was an article circulating over social media written by a woman who said that she married a man she wasn’t attracted to and that it worked out in the end. You can read the actual article here. Naturally, the article generated a lot of conversation and many people insisted that it was something that they would never do. Almost everyone agrees that beauty can be fleeting. People change over the years and their bodies change with them. But as someone aptly put it, you don’t want to wake up every morning and have to die to self when you see your spouse’s face. It can be done, but it’s not ideal. In my limited experience I’ve found myself giving a guy a chance even when I didn’t find him in any way attractive. Hoping in some way that his other positive attributes would override the fact that he just wasn’t handsome to me. Epic fail. So I’m going to discontinue the practice. Not that I won’t be open anymore but an “absolutely not” is going to stay that way without all my internal criticism of being shallow and missing out. Everyone deserves a significant other who finds them attractive and it’s unfair to them to try to make something work that won’t. It’s not shallow to want to be with someone you’re attracted to but you have to remember that there are a lot of pretty ugly people out there (pretty on the outside and ugly on the inside). Looks can’t drive EVERYTHING but they do matter.