1. You can’t save everyone
I’ve learned the importance of doing my best and being ok with the results. It’s so easy to get caught up in the specifics while losing focus of the bigger picture and it’s equally important to think of both. People make their own choices at the end of the day and sometimes they aren’t the best.
2. When choosing between going on a trip and buying furniture, always pick the trip. Memories are more important than stuff and furniture isn’t an absolute necessity. Going to the beach easily trumps having a sofa any day.
3. Some battles just aren’t worth fighting. Pick them wisely and have a strategy in place. Weigh the pros and cons and know the possible long term ramifications of your decision. Prepare as much as possible and have a Plan B in place at all times.
Tag Archives: life
Minding your Business
This picture caught my eye because it’s definitely something that I’ve been learning to do. Growing up my mom used to always tell me that if you help someone without their permission they’ll turn around and persecute you. As an adult, I’ve experienced this firsthand. I’ve always been someone who has been willing to go above and beyond the call of duty in order to help someone. Recently I’ve learned the importance of being cautious as help people. One of the things that my therapist education has taught me is to rarely if ever give advice. Four words I will probably never use, or very rarely use “In my professional opinion.” The reason for this is because people will rarely tell you the full story. They’ll tell you a side that makes them look like the person that is being wronged when in reality, either they’re the culprit or they share the blame. I’ve learned that most people don’t want help. They just say that they do. Saying that you want to change and actually CHANGING are totally different things entirely. Good intentions don’t equal good actions. One of the problems with giving advice is that you rarely ever know the full story. If the person follows your advice and it turns out to be wrong, 9 times out of 10 they’ll blame you. I’ve gotten out of the “I’m a therapist so tell me all your problems” syndrome. I don’t counsel family or friends and I don’t say what I think unless it’s asked. And even then, I do it pretty sparingly. Most people don’t want counsel. They just want a listening an empathetic ear. I find it much easier to just let people know that I’m here if they need me and just leave it there.
Letting People In
I totally agree with this picture. While I don’t think that you have to be standoffish and mean, I think that less is more when it comes to letting people get super close to you. I know that everyone is human and we all make mistakes and that we can’t expect perfection from our friends but it’s still ok to be cautious before spilling your guts to someone you call a friend but have only known a short time. Someone once said that you should never trust anyone who only has new friends because that’s an indication of the quality of their prior relationships and friendships. Sometimes doing more groundwork on the front end of a friendship or a relationship can save you a lot of heartache and hurt down the road. One thing that I’ve noticed is that I’m somewhat of an extremist when it comes to putting the words in this picture into practice. For instance, every person in my life that I consider close and feel that they know me well I’ve known for three years or more. This was not a conscious decision, it was just something that happened and can probably be blamed in some way on my upbringing. But I digress. My point is that it’s good to screen people and to let them prove that they can be trusted before you open the floodgates of your heart and let them 100% into your life.
Retreating to advance
The idea of retreating to go forward has always seemed somewhat counterproductive to me. I like advancement and the feeling that I’m going towards something worthwhile. However, the more I live, the more I realize the importance of taking a step back. When you starting a task and it never comes out right sometimes you have to go back to the drawing board. In a stressful job sometimes you have to take a 20 minute break in order to come back in a better state of mind. Growing up, my grandfather always told me that spending more time planning than working was more efficient than the other way around. It’s important to take the time to re-evaluate your strategy instead of blindly pushing ahead. Take your time and just because you retreat doesn’t mean that it’s over. It’s just beginning.
My Pre-Valentine’s/Single Awareness Day thoughts
It’s that time of the year again. A lot of people are nervous because they aren’t sure if they’ll be on the receiving end of a day set apart to express love. Millions of singles are now contemplating why they are single AGAIN this year. What they did wrong, and what they are going to do to avoid getting sucked into the “woe is me because I’m alone on V-day” annual party in their brain. Other take to social media sites proclaiming that they don’t care what day it is because Jesus loves them and they’re perfectly happy. Yet, no one REALLY believes them. Others are wondering if this is the year that they’ll get engaged to their significant other. He already knows EXACTLY what setting the ring should be and they went looking at rings SIX MONTHS ago. Anxious, Agitated, Upset, Frustrated, Excited, Vulnerable, Bitter, and Sadness are all some emotions that describe this love holiday for some people. The truth is that we all want to feel some type of secure connection to someone else. And most of us like the idea of being treated to something special because someone appreciates and loves you. This also happens to be the time of year when someone gets unexpectedly dumped on the most (supposedly) romantic day of the year. I want to advise all of you to not get caught up in the hype if you don’t want to. A significant other is someone who is significant to you 365 days out of the year and not just one romantic night. Valentine’s day is what you make it. Plain and simple. If you have someone, fine. If you don’t, fine. One day should not ruin your month or year. Love can occur at any time in a year and it’s important to be open to possibilities instead of stacking all your hopes and dreams on one solitary day out of 364 other ones. Decide that you’re okay–regardless of the presence or lack of the presence of a significant other on ONE SINGLE DAY. To the single people, there’s no reason, and I mean NO reason to allow V-Day to depress you for months. Learn more, grow more….after all, February 15th is just around the corner.
Alisha's Angle 