Minding your Business

Minding your Business

This picture caught my eye because it’s definitely something that I’ve been learning to do. Growing up my mom used to always tell me that if you help someone without their permission they’ll turn around and persecute you. As an adult, I’ve experienced this firsthand. I’ve always been someone who has been willing to go above and beyond the call of duty in order to help someone. Recently I’ve learned the importance of being cautious as help people. One of the things that my therapist education has taught me is to rarely if ever give advice. Four words I will probably never use, or very rarely use “In my professional opinion.” The reason for this is because people will rarely tell you the full story. They’ll tell you a side that makes them look like the person that is being wronged when in reality, either they’re the culprit or they share the blame. I’ve learned that most people don’t want help. They just say that they do. Saying that you want to change and actually CHANGING are totally different things entirely. Good intentions don’t equal good actions. One of the problems with giving advice is that you rarely ever know the full story. If the person follows your advice and it turns out to be wrong, 9 times out of 10 they’ll blame you. I’ve gotten out of the “I’m a therapist so tell me all your problems” syndrome. I don’t counsel family or friends and I don’t say what I think unless it’s asked. And even then, I do it pretty sparingly. Most people don’t want counsel. They just want a listening an empathetic ear. I find it much easier to just let people know that I’m here if they need me and just leave it there.

3 thoughts on “Minding your Business

  1. carol vickers says:

    So True! and Well said Alisha, I have found as I get older that I do tend to just listen to people. Just the other day I told a co-worker to be careful about working long hours double shifts and driving. I told her this because years ago I did the same thing (worked long hours) and dosed off and hit another car, I could have lost my life. I had issues keeping my eyes open while driving, It took that one accident for me to learn. Well when I told her this she looked at me with a negative expression, as if to say I could have kept that to myself…next time I will.

  2. Madame B says:

    Shouldn’t there be a balance? I rather say something and it be right and the person gets saved some headache than say nothing and watch how it blows up in flames. I wish a few people had spoken up in my life instead of staying silent. Later, they tell me how they felt after my heartache and I am more angry. If they told me and I did not listen then at least I can only blame myself. If they never said anything and tell me aftermath, I consider that the right to share blame.

    • alisha2013 says:

      It’s definitely circumstantial. There are people who you should tell if it’s something that could benefit them in the long run. There are also people who genuinely don’t care and will attempt to bite your head off if you give unsolicited advice.

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