It’s been a really long week for a variety of reasons so I decided to make the best of my one day weekend. One thing that I really enjoy is music because it’s a universal language. There’s rarely any significant period of time that goes by without me turning on a song or playing an album by an artist I enjoy. I haven’t gone to a concert in a while because I’ve been either traveling or working but when I saw a flyer advertising the concert of an artist who I enjoy listening to, I bought a ticket on a whim. While I really wanted to stay at my house and sleep, it’s a goal of mine to get out more and be more social. Plus, I figured it wouldn’t hurt to go somewhere that didn’t require me to use my professional skills in some capacity. Despite the fact that I bought a ticket, I almost decided against going last minute because of all the extra effort. But I went and I’m glad I did. The concert featured soul music and many of the songs performed were remade versions of some great hits from decades past. Avery Sunshine was among one of the artists that performed and she was absolutely amazing as she sang and engaged the audience to sing her background vocals on one of the songs. There was great energy and I enjoyed sitting back and taking it all in. I have a lot of respect for artists who can hold a space without losing the audience and still be their authentic selves. Everyone enjoyed themselves and the concert finished around midnight or so. It reminded me of how therapeutic music can be. Maybe the focus this year will be on exploring where I live instead of traveling quite as much.
Tag Archives: happiness
The importance of closure
Not too long ago I had to make a decision that was uncomfortable but had to be done. I believe in trying to live without regrets and I knew that not taking action would result in regret later. Closure is something that has always been important to me. While it’s a luxury at times, the ability to wrap something up with a nice pretty bow before it’s discarded. There aren’t any loose ends to wrap up. I’ve learned the hard way that it is worth it sometimes to be uncomfortable for a moment instead of having a lifetime of regret. Usually closure is something that’s done for me in some weird twist of circumstances and fate. The difference in this situation was that the responsibility rested solely on me. I had to step up to the plate. I think that having closure is better than carrying around something that we have no control over. It helps us to move on and accept change. No, it may not have turned out the way we would have chosen but there’s a certain peace attached to being able to accept, adjust, and move forward because a chapter of our lives has ended.
Self Care
For the past few years I’ve been one to associate happiness with a geographical location. Namely foreign countries and the southern region of the United States. However, I think that that is also related to my occupation. From the moment that I say I’m a social worker the usual reaction is, “I could never do that, it’s such a hard job.” And I agree that it is. My undergraduate experience with social work was varied and included working with felons and patients on hospice. It was then when I had to work hands on with others when I discovered that people are a lot more complicated in real like than they are in textbooks. Thankfully, I had a very well rounded experience in college that gave a pretty accurate depiction of the field. I knew that I didn’t want the stereotypical job of a county caseworker and I wanted to focus more on the counseling side. Somehow I found my way to the mental health field and have stayed in some capacity ever since. The thing about mental health is that it is the opposite of predictable. It’s messy, it’s chaotic, it’s stressful and it’s real. But it’s also rewarding. However, it takes a lot out of you. I’ve heard stories that have been horrific and have talked to hundreds of individuals who are experiencing their own personal crisis. That’s why this field is so notorious for burn out and people who are so overwhelmed with their job responsibilities that they’ve given up completely. There are some days where I wish I could publish some of the stories I hear because truth is stranger than fiction. One of the best things about traveling is the physical distance between myself and the daily chaos I work in. It’s like a breath of fresh air and a chance to finally relax to some degree and not think about work related things. Self care at its finest.
Doing it for you
I’ve had awesome opportunities to travel this year. I’ve posted on quite a few of them. I’m in the process of finalizing the plans for the last few trips of the year. This year has been full of changes and I can honestly say that I feel like a different person from the one I was in January. It’s funny how a change of perspective can also change your actions. While I’ve always made decisions based on my career goals and professional opportunities, it’s time to make some for more personal reasons. Like something as trivial as happiness or a comforting illusion like security or stability. The truth of the matter is that we won’t live forever and we aren’t allowed do-overs in life. That being said, I think life is too short to spend substantial amounts in places you don’t like for the purpose of professional goals. We are all familiar in some way with sacrifices needed in order to get where we want to get in life. But it quickly becomes pointless when sanity is sacrificed and self care is abandoned. So there is a choice that has to be made. The choice to do something for you instead of for your goals. It’s time.
Be-ing
One thing I’ve taken the time to be deliberate in savoring small moments. Like many people, it’s easy for me to get caught up in plans for the future and literally live months and even years in advance because I’m planning that far ahead. I have plan A’s, plan B’s, plan C’s, plan D’s and even plan E’s. My mind is constantly going analyzing and assessing my current situation and strategizing about my next move and what work is needed in order to make it a successful venture. However, I’ve had people remind me that it’s important to stop and smell the roses. I’ve had the chance to take some time and appreciate the small victories and happy moments in life that are often overlooked through all the crap that comes along with living in a bad world. Recently I had an experience that I’ve waited about two years for. The great thing was that I can honestly say that I took the time to just “be” in that moment. It was one of those things that I knew I might never happen again so I took the opportunity to savor it. While I’m somewhat of a patient person, the fact that I waited two years for it made it worth it. I appreciated it more and also understood that the moment was fleeting. Therefore, I just decided to enjoy it without allowing my mind to be distracted by the underlying meanings and motives and repercussions of the moment. In order for this to happen I had to make a deliberate and conscious decision to live in the moment for at least a moment and just “be” without a million and one thoughts coming in a spoiling the special-ness of the moment. Was it worth shutting out distractions and thoughts to enjoy the moment? Absolutely.
Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy
So this song has been pretty popular the past couple of months. There’s a rumor that Pharrell tried numerous times to get this concept off the ground before the movie actually picked it up. The song is super catchy and the music video(s) involve people singing and dancing to the song at all hours of the day and night. There’s a website that plays the music video 24/7 and you can also watch it in one hour increments. While I am someone who gets easily annoyed after the first 5 minutes of a song (with the exception of classical music), I’ve actually listened to three hours of this song over and over again. We all know people who appear to be happy all the time. I don’t know anyone who actually IS happy all of the time (unless they are happily psychotic, but that really doesn’t count). While songs like this would traditionally be way too “happy” for me, it’s a song that can put you in a better mood. Despite the fact that in no way am I a poster child for being in a constant state of euphoric happiness, I’ve learned to genuinely enjoy and appreciate the moments where happiness sneaks up on me and surprises me. This song just talks about being happy without there being an apparent reason. Great concept. Good melody. Pharrell made a great song that embodies a feeling that most people want to have, and, (totally unrelated), he does NOT look 40.
Movement
It’s interesting how the start of a new year can have you re-evaluating your life. As I’ve seen the hundreds of posts people have done about doing something different, I’m struck with the realization that planning and implementing are two different things. One thing that I’ve had a chance to do this week is touch base with some of my homies. These are all people who have ambition and plans for the future. Whenever I talk to them we always end up trading ideas and discussing life goals. Conversations like this are motivating to me. I’m realizing that while I need consistency, I also need to have access to people I can brainstorm with. But I also have to make some decisions regarding who I spend my time with and what I do with my time. I heard a story this week about a man who created a watch with a countdown to when you will be expected to die. The whole premise is that people will be more motivated if they know their time is limited. I know that in order to be successful I have to make hard decisions and prioritize. I’m not chasing happiness because I know that it’s fleeting. But I do want to make a difference and be useful. I’ve been blessed to have opportunities that others have never had and I feel that it’s my responsibility to make the best of them. No, success doesn’t come easy but then again, most things that are worthwhile don’t. And my goal this year is to simply be consistent and grow my professional career. Because I just wanna be, I just wanna be, I just wanna be successful…
Money, money, money
Growing up, I was taught the verse that admonished me to not love money because it was the beginning of evil. No truer words have even been spoken. Human greed is a powerful thing and millions have died as the result of the selfish decisions of a few. With millions of people chasing the “American Dream” with hopes of one day becoming independently wealthy, one has to ask, does money buy happiness? Depending on who you are (and how much money you have) your answer to this question will vary. I’ve always been told that money doesn’t buy happiness, but as I’ve gotten older I’ve grown to disagree with that statement. I humbly submit that money actually does buy happiness. In the world today there so much emphasis on doing what makes you happy and being happy in life. I for one, don’t particularly subscribe to that perspective. Over the course of my life, I’ve bought things that have inadvertently brought me happiness. With money. I’m not a genius but I know that the having more money in my particular situation would increase my quality of life and also allow me to travel more which would translate to happiness. Happiness is fleeting and doesn’t last for an extended period of time. It’s not necessarily something that you can hoard and save for a special occasion. While money may buy happiness, it doesn’t bring lasting peace or joy, it won’t buy you good health, it won’t solve your family problems and it won’t save you from dying. But it comes in handy in times of stress, can improve your quality of life if used wisely, and consequently, can buy you things and experiences that bring you happiness. Not peace of mind. But definitely happiness.
Public Tears
I’ve always respected people who could openly show emotions like sadness or happiness in a demonstrative or vocal way in public settings. That’s never been me. There was a time where I would start to become uncomfortable or feel awkward when someone around me would start to cry loudly. However, I have become much more comfortable with emotion as I have done more crisis work. There’s no more awkwardness because I know where the tissues are located and I’m comfortable with giving people some time to cry it out. But when it comes to me, I’m totally different. I’m not the kind of person that will burst into tears in a large group of people. HOWEVER, as much as I can’t cry for myself in those type of situations, I can just as easily cry at the drop of the hat for someone around me that I know is experiencing. It’s something that I’ve been able to do since I was little. I can easily “tune in” to the emotions of other people and that’s probably one of the reasons why I decided to be a therapist. Sometimes it’s helpful to talk to someone who can both empathize but can also challenge you to see things from a different perspective. And honestly, sometimes when someone is going through a really rough or stressful time, they don’t want mountains of advice. They want to feel heard and for someone to cry with them.
The other side of lonely
Loneliness has been a companion for me during the past few years. Partly due to my personality and partly due to circumstances. It’s commonly thought one’s loneliest times occur in sadness and hardship. When you’re going though a lot and there’s not an encouraging word or a should to vent and cry on. As someone who has experienced this, I can attest to this feeling and it is indeed pretty darn lonely. However, there’s a different kind of loneliness that I experience from time to time. It’s not as easy to explain because the circumstances are different and it hurts differently. This loneliness occurs whenever I accomplish something or reach a milestone in my life. I actually had the distinct pleasure of experiencing it this past week. This particular type of loneliness stems not from sadness but from happiness. I’m 23 and I’ve been super super blessed/lucky/fortunate to be able to accomplish many of my professional goals. Bachelor’s,Master’s, Post-graduate, etc. But with each of these accomplishments I feel the absence of a significant other pretty acutely. A person who has seen all my hard work and can be happy for me with the informed perspective of someone who has witnessed the challenges I’ve faced on the way to get where I wanted. And while it genuinely sucks to feel the absence of something like that so acutely, I’ve almost gotten used to it. I say “almost” because its not something I’ll ever be ok with but it’s my life. While I do stay in my feelings at times, I also know how to self-regulate and pull myself out. A skill that’s probably due to countless hours of CBT class. I say all that to say that sometimes it’s harder being happier alone than it is being sad. At least in my experience.
Alisha's Angle 