Right Person, Wrong Time

A million years ago when I was in college I had the opportunity to read a play that a fellow classmate wrote. She was (and still is) a super talented article and the play was somewhat biographical in nature. The story was centered around a guy and girl who were friends but the girl found herself catching feelings while realizing that the feeling wasn’t mutual. If I remember correctly, at the end of the story her guy friend ended up getting a girlfriend and the girl was left alone. The last words of the script were: “The right person at the wrong time is still the wrong person.” As I’ve grown older I’ve realized how true those words are. Like I’ve mentioned in previous blogs, I’m a big fan of timing. I think that there are circumstances where people meet and they are very compatible with each other. They have similar interests and get along well and quickly discover that it’s easy to tolerate each other. However, despite all the ways that these two people are compatible, there is some glaring reason why something romantic and long term won’t work. It could be distance, family conflict, financial turmoil or something of the like that dictates the decisions made. The timing is all off and there’s nothing that either person can do about it. I think that situations such as those happen fairly frequently and while people can be right for each other, it may just not be the time. It’s almost like life plays a joke on you and you have no choice but to make the necessary adjustments. If there is chemistry but the timing is off, then ultimately it won’t work out. Not because someone is necessarily at fault or because of some glaring red flag but because the right person at the wrong time is (still) the wrong person.

The Interview Experience

Over the past few years I’ve been to numerous job interviews. There’s something to be said about the excitement you feel when you get the email or the phone call that you’ve been selected out of the many applicants for an interview. It means that you have a chance to get the job. They’ve reviewed what you wrote and sent and deem you worthy of further communication about your worthiness for the position. I remember one of my coworkers telling me that one should always be telling their current employer “thank you” while simultaneously searching for a new opportunity. While I don’t necessarily agree with that, I do think that there’s something to be said about being aware of what’s going on in your field and how that translates to the current job market and the positions that are available. It’s just a good practice in my opinion. Needless to say in my years of job searching I think I’ve been to at least 30 or more interviews for various jobs in the area. Due to a very large amount of people in my field, it’s actually a success to even get an interview. People are clamoring for jobs and only the most qualified get call backs. The one’s who aren’t so lucky don’t usually have the luxury of being told they weren’t selected–they just don’t hear back. Job interviews are basically the same. You try to get there early to put your best foot forward but many times you don’t know exactly where you’re going. You give your name to the receptionist and either fill out an additional applications or try to amuse yourself with the boring reading material in the lobby while drinking a sip of the bottled water you brought along so you won’t sound hoarse. Then some random person comes out of a hidden door and greets you shaking your hand. This is usually followed by some offer of water or coffee. You follow them to their office or the nearest conference room. I remember once I had an interview in the company kitchen. The interview is usually panel or one on one. Personally, I’ve always preferred panel interviews because it always makes the dynamic in the room more interesting. You’re asked questions from a group of people and have the opportunity to sell yourself. They inevitably ask the same questions in different ways. In fact, I’m convinced that there is some giant “interviewing questions” book somewhere they every picks their questions from. You talk about yourself and your background. Look around the room and use humor to put everyone at ease while remaining professional and on task. You remember not to stutter, talk calmly and use as many key words as possible that relate to the description of the job. This usually involves some type of case scenario questions and then some question about how you handle conflict with others. I’ve noticed that most interviewers don’t ask a lot about your education because they want to know that you’ve had on the job experience and have demonstrated a significant level of competence while doing so. You know that you only have a small period of time to make a big impression and in order to do this you have to be “remember-able.” This wasn’t really a hard thing to do in my experience with interviews because I was often the only minority applying so that work was already done for me through a miraculous thing called genes. The interview finishes and you shake everyone’s hand before you leave. I think the hardest part is waiting. I personally prefer not being called back so that I can just assume I didn’t get the job instead of being personally told that I wasn’t selected. I remember standing in line to graduate for my masters degree when I got the call saying that I had not been chosen for a job I had recently applied for and it was a small let down. Needless to say, I think that the interview process could be so much more efficient but it is what it is.

Planning Time

There should be a mandatory recovery time after a vacation that has lasted a week or longer. I use the word “vacation” loosely because the entire time I was away was not a vacation. One thing I deliberately did was to leave my computer at home during one of my two trips. The point of this was to take a break to enjoy the scenery and the experience of being in a different country. Other than the quality time spent with cousins I rarely see, the BEST part of the trip going to the beach. I’ve never been to the Pacific Ocean before and while it’s not as breathtakingly beautiful as the Mediterranean Ocean, it was still nice. I don’t know why, but for some reason sitting on a beach and thinking gives me the most clarity. I can process my thoughts and feelings and then make appropriate decisions without the distraction of familiar surroundings. It sounds weird but it works for me. That’s one of the reasons why I love the beach–I can actually think. I don’t have my laptop with me and my phone is typically turned off. No one is calling me asking for something and the sound of the waves crashing on the sand relaxes me.  This time I had the opportunity to make a plan for the new year and to finalize some goals I want to accomplish this year. It was quite a productive hour or so. Definitely a reminder that I need to focus so that my efforts won’t be in vain and I won’t be working harder than I need to.

Change is Good

I’m the type of person who believes that one shouldn’t count their eggs before they hatch. I’ve seen too many people have to eat their words because they announced that they were doing something or that they were going to get something and it never happened. I also know individuals who continually post and write “updates” on their progress achieving their dreams and yet there are no results despite years of posting about what they are doing. Regardless of all that, I like discussing things after the fact. Not too long ago I decided that I needed to quit my job (again). For some people a decision like that is pretty hard to make. It means uncertainty and additional stress as they have to once again enter the job market. You’ll never hear me talk about how much I love being single and doing my own thing but I must say that career decisions are easier to make when you don’t have to think about how it will affect your husband and children. My decisions primarily affect me solely. That being said, I realized that I needed a job that was more in line with my personality.  One thing I’ve talked about at some point is how much I hate the Monday through Friday 9-5 traditional work week. Mondays are hell on earth and at 5pm on Fridays it feels like someone gave you a new lease on life (at least for the next two days). I didn’t want to live my life like that. The last time I decided that I needed a new job I put in my notice without having any idea of what I was going to do next. While doing this is not advised, I didn’t care and I had a strong feeling that I’d just get another job and I did. The same thing happened recently when I got a new job.  I say all this to say that sometimes you have to rock your own boat. So many times things happen to us that are out of our control and we forget that there are some things we CAN control–like our jobs. It can be so easy to get into a rut and not move from it. This new year, I’m making some changes. My plan again is to travel more and I’ve already made progress on that goal. School once again is going to take priority over some other stuff so I’m reorganizing and evaluating my participation and presence in things that do not contribute to that goal. It’s a simple thing to say but harder to implement.

Sleeping In

IMG_3618.PNG

I’m a self-described night person who has been forced to be more of a morning person due to work obligations. As a result, I’ve become more appreciative of the days where mandatory attendance in the morning is not necessary. I can understand the importance of accomplishing work early in the day, but I would also like to be fully awake. Getting up in the early morning is an example of discipline that I have had to develop despite my natural balking at someone deciding my schedule for me. Regardless, I think that this might be some form of preparation for motherhood. Taking actions despite emotions that might argue otherwise. I think that can be a good thing.

Regrouping

IMG_3573.PNG

We’ve all heard the cliche sayings and adages about the the consequences of quitting. It’s pounded into our heads that giving up should never be an option. We advise people fighting life threatening illnesses to fight and seek aggressive treatment. We soothe ourselves with the thought that not giving up has rewards in and of itself. But at what point in the game does giving up become a question of survival? When do we have to just call it and tap out? At what point is fighting futile and pointless? I think that there are times in our lives when we have to recognize that going any further in our fight is a undeniable sign of insanity. That doesn’t mean that the fight is not important but it does mean that there are more important things–like regrouping and doing something else.

ABD life

Earlier this year I posted about the dilemma of finding a topic for my dissertation. I can honestly say that at the beginning of this thing I had no idea the time and energy that it would entail. Any advanced degree in the social sciences typically involves a lot of writing and this particular one has been no different. Two LOOOOOONG years of classwork have recently ended with the last class being a doctoral level statistics class that I thought I was going to epically fail. However, I passed by the literal skin of my own teeth with a “B.” While I like distance learning, I also like the interactions that come along with being physically present in a traditional classroom. While I’ve been consistent with keeping up with the expectations of my program and turning in my assignments on time, I haven’t taken it seriously. It’s been a time consuming hobby. Not because I don’t take my life and professional goals seriously, but because I picked a fairly broad concentration that combines work I’ve completed in other disciplines. The next hurdle is that of starting, working on, and completing my dissertation. Thankfully I’ve finally arrived at a topic and after 3 months of emails and subsequent rejections have finally finalized a dissertation committee. So now I can categorize myself as ABD (all but dissertation) in the scholarly world. I can add “PhD. Candidate” to my email signature and even apply for jobs in higher ed. An added bonus was the fact that I could take a three month break and still be on track to graduate on time. All that being said, one of the interesting facts I learned this summer was that only 1.9% of people who start a doctorate complete it. That means that 98.1% of people who start one do not finish. That fact is motivation for me to finish what I started and to add another set of initials behind my name. The school thing isn’t finished and won’t be for a bit but with some dedication and consistency combined by my decision to take school seriously at this point in the game I’ll conquer this last mountain.

Poor at 35

I ran across this article recently and the title of it caught my attention. The main assertion is that you deserve to be poor if you have reached the age of 35 still being poor. In a world where there are so many inequalities and everyone does not have the same opportunities, I think that such proclamations have to be taken with a grain of salt. However, the fact remains that we all have the opportunity of time. The 24 hours a day that we spend doing our daily habits is no different than the 24 hours that a billionaire is afforded. It’s all in how you spend it. My favorite sentence of the article: “You’re poor because you have no ambition.” This doesn’t necessarily always mean education in the traditional sense. We judge people who drop out of school without recognizing that school isn’t something that’s necessary to succeed. The fact of the matter is that by age 35 a lot of people have become set in their own ways. Their childhood dreams have given way to the harsh reality of adulthood and they are in the middle of making payments on their car, their house, and their student loans. A lot are married and/or raising children and just trying to survive. This makes it hard to think about retirement and all the places they’ve always resolved to travel but haven’t yet. I heard someone say that it’s a sin to die poor and while I don’t agree, I think that dying poor is something that many people would never choose to do. We have to remember the bigger picture while living day to day. It’s essential. Don’t let your dreams collect dust.

To care or not to care

IMG_3283.PNG

I don’t know why but I really like this picture. While it seems a bit harsh, I think that there’s a practical application that can be taken away. I’ve seen people post the smallest details of their lives in various forms of social media. These actions have had my questioning how many people actually care about that stuff. While the message in the picture can be interpreted in several ways, it was a reminder to me that many times it’s pointless to look for constant validation for things that should already be occurring. You should not expect kudos for being independent and paying bills on time. Those actions are signs of mature adults. The problem is when people start to crave the approval and then become depressed when they don’t get it. Sometimes you have to work harder without expecting others around to understand or care. While that may sound harsh, basing your life and your goals on the approval of others in the hope that they’ll eventually care isn’t smart.

“You and I were created for growth and development, and to reach our full potential. It is the object, the essence of our being. To possess an ambition to expand larger and more broadly each day, to push the horizon of ignorance a little further away, to become a bit richer in knowledge, a tad wiser, and more of what we were created to be–that is our worthwhile objective.” -Dennis Kimbro

This was something that really stuck out to me and I immediately highlighted it through my very 21st century Kindle book app. I think of all the people who have never fully reached their potential. Is it their fault? Were they never given the tools to succeed? Were they never interested in moving past the monotony of daily life into their life calling? Every case is different just like every person. Having the ambition to push further each day and to learn something new that can be applied to one’s life is a habit that will bring success in multiple areas of our lives. It’s so easy to get caught up in the stresses of today that we forget to prepare for tomorrow. Maybe that’s why this quote challenges us to make obtaining knowledge and wisdom a priority while also assuring these actions have their own rewards. 

“You and I were…