I enjoyed this trip immensely and while we had some rainy day, there were a few when the sun shone through. It’s good to take a break from routine and the Texas heat felt like home.
As I’ve expressed multiple times, traveling is one of my favorite things to do. Nowadays it doesn’t happen as often as it used to and it makes the times where I can get away much more previous. Hopefully, I’ll travel internationally again one day soon. But for now… A few San Antonio pictures.
Lately, the majority of writing I do has been for articles and it’s been challenging at times to carve out specific time blocks to write. Nevertheless, here’s an article that any working adult may find helpful. Let me know your thoughts!
Writing has always been an interest of mine and recently I was able to write an article that was published. It’s hard to be objective on your own work but I hope that the information is helpful. You can read my article here.
While technically Valentine’s Day is over, I was reminded today while scrolling social media of all the years that I wanted to be in a relationship. While that goal was accomplished last year, it’s been interesting how much less the holiday means after being shown love and kindness throughout the other 364 days of the year. There were a lot of sad people today who spent the day alone or with people that they may not have genuinely cared about or loved. Relationships are so much more than what happens in a 24 hour period. While I love grand gestures and gifts, I’ve come to a deeper appreciation for the small meaningful things that make life easier. Being able to delegate difficult tasks, having a friend I can talk to, requesting an occasional foot rub are all things that at one point in my life I never expected to have. As I’ve continued to work with couples, I’m reminded of the importance of consistency in relationships. Trust and commitment don’t happen overnight. They both are traits that are cultivated through time and energy and many people don’t make the investment that is necessary for success. When something is important to you, you make time for it and ensure that it is a priority. Taking the time to water your own grass (figuratively) and invest in the health of your relationship will reap benefits. Just make sure you’re with the right person.
As always, my goal for the new year is to write more consistently than I have in the past. Thankfully I got an early start last year as I got the opportunity to write some articles on mental health. However, as I’ve continued to learn and work in the field I’m seeing the value of placing my thoughts on paper or rather typing it out on my phone. I’ve bought more books, focused on growing my private practice and taken a more intentional approach on learning more about relationships. Last year took everyone by surprise and like most, I found myself having to make some significant adjustments. However, one small mercy was that I was already working from home to a large extent so it wasn’t as difficult to transition. This year I want to invest in myself and in my relationships and take the time to enjoy the present. I want to be more consistent in self care and give myself the same grace that I give others.
After years of waiting and hoping I finally got into a relationship with long term potential about a year ago and things are going well. The thing that has been surprising is how different my expectations were from reality. I work with black women who have educational and financial standards for their future boyfriend or spouse and honestly I used to be one of them. No one wants to be in a relationship and do worse financially then they were before. However, in the past year I’ve learned more about some of the intangibles that mean more than what a guy makes or his level of education. Women can easily get caught up in what a man does instead of evaluating who he is. One thing is significantly less obvious than the other. Dating a project isn’t about trying to rehabilitate a man but it’s not the same as supporting a man who has a clear path and plan for the future. Many times the past is a great indicator of the future. Instead of asking about a five year plan, it’s better to ask a man about a five year plan he’s has in the past and what year he’s in presently. It’s easy have aspirations but it’s much hard to put in the work to manifest them. If a man is serious his actions will show it. Giving you a girlfriend label doesn’t indicate he’s serious. Is he applying for jobs to move closer to you? Has he given you his timeline for moving in together? Is he introducing you to his circle of friends? These are all indications that there’s a good chance he’s sees a future with you. Women are quick to complain that a man has wasted their time but in reality they have wasted their own time because they weren’t being held hostage and they got committed too soon without verifying that the other person wanted the same thing. Taking inventory means that you understand where you are in your life and you intentionally choose to make decisions that align with your long term goals.
I’ve said a few times but it really is funny how quickly time goes by. I recently celebrated another year of life and I reflected on how much had changed since my last birthday. I brought in last year on a Caribbean cruise. I chilled on the beach in St. Maarten and took an excursion on St. John. This year was different. It was much more low key and consisted of great conversation, food and quality time with my boyfriend. I’m healthier than I was last year and overall I feel like I’m more balanced. My professional goals are still present but they are also better aligned with my personal goals and plan to improve my work life balance. This past year I traveled a little bit but most of my time was spent in the gym. I did a quick trip to Spain, continued doing some contract work and ultimately decided that I didn’t like the idea of a perpetual 40 hour work week. There’s been ups and downs but through it all I’m grateful for another year.
Like many, I was happy to see laws like the CROWN Act happening in various states across the country. Historically there are certain cultural norms about hair and what constitutes being a professional hairstyle and more often than not the rules do not include an understanding of the intricacies of Black hair. Today I took the step of getting Sisterlocks and embracing the hair I’ve been given. It took about 18 hours of patience and sitting in the same spot but it went by pretty fast. It was nice to be still for a moment and take a break from some of the daily demands and responsibilities I have. The flat iron, pressing comb, and curling iron is technically a thing of the past and while it feels daunting, it feels good to start something new. In the period of a year I’ve had several major hair changes that have included a drastic cut, color and making a choice to not use heat on my hair. I’m excited to start this journey and find out more about my natural hair texture and also explore some styling possibilities when my hair matures. It all begins today.
This has been a rough year for millions of people and it can be hard to be optimistic and see the silver lining. A lot of people are working remotely and while it’s great in preventing infection, it can be incredibly isolating. Living and working in the same space just isn’t ideal. But here are some tips to help you cope with 2020 blues.
1. Get centered
I admit that I’ve never been one to recommend mindfulness but that’s changed since I started incorporating various practices into my life. Guided meditation, yoga, and visualization practices can do wonders for helping you to manage depression and anxiety. Many times anxiety tends to be centered around what has happened in the past or something you’re worried about in the future. Staying in the here and now can help to put things in perspective and to consciously gently challenge some of the negative automatic thoughts that precede anxiety.
2. Do something
While there’s nothing wrong with taking a break and having lazy days, there’s nothing like engaging in an activity that brings you joy. It could be an outdoor walk, trying out a new recipe, connecting with an old friend, or just sitting comfortably with an adult coloring book. Make it a priority to do three things every week that bring you joy. You’ll find that it will help you with managing stress and adjusting to change.
3. Take a break
Working remotely can mean that you don’t take as much time off work as you did before. Don’t neglect to take a vacation. Even if it’s just a staycation. PTO is available for a reason and while you might be tempted to save it all up until you can travel again, consider taking a few days off to give your mind a break. Schedule a day where you have nothing to do and stick to it. Step away from screens and stretch your body and eyes for a few moments. Take 5 deep breaths before sitting down to work. Don’t be afraid to make time for you and to step away from work so that you don’t burn out.