Tag Archives: emotions

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Food for thought

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I’m not necessarily against being hard on yourself. I think that striving toward a goal and challenging ourselves can be a good thing. Nonetheless, having a good cry can be a way to release some tension. I think more women than men might be more comfortable with this but the truth of the matter is that you can acknowledge your feelings when you cry them out instead of keeping them in. I’m definitely talking to myself as someone who really isn’t a “cryer.” I love this quote because it’s a reminder that it’s easier to move on when you can acknowledge how you feel. And crying can be a part of that process.

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Life can be good

It seems as if all my trips these days are a challenge against logistics and timing. One thing that I’m happy about is the fact that I am traveling more–as I have vowed to do this year. One thing I especially like to do is visit the Southern states. So I made a “quick” 14 hour (one way) road trip down to Dallas and it’s been so nice. It’s interesting how different various regions of the States are so different from each other. I love laidback formality of the South and just the overall feel. One thing that has been fun during this trip has been people-watching. It’s interesting how one’s standards of what is attractive can change based on who they see around them on a frequent basis. I’ve definitely noticed this myself. It’s been an awesome time, and as usual, I’m dreading the long drive back and am already plotting ways to catch up on the sleep that I’m lacking at this point. It’s interesting how feeling so exhausted can also be exhilarating due to the thrill of a new place. However, life does go on and it’s important to remember to stop and smell the roses at time. Reuniting with old friends and getting away from routine can be rejuvenating–and in my case it’s that. Can’t wait to do this again. 

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Selfie Sickness

Selfie Sickness

This article really caught my attention because it discusses a relationship between selfies and mental illness. There’s a story of a young man who actually attempted suicide because he could not take the perfect selfie The thing with social media and selfies is that you automatically get validation from all the likes and double taps. Therefore, when you post something that nobody “likes” or “double-taps” you feel some kind of way. There’s so much work that goes into getting into the right lighting and putting the camera at a certain angle to capture your “good” side. It’s the epitome of self-absorption. Especially in large doses. We’ve all known someone who is prone to post pics upon pics of their life and unless their life is actually interesting, it quickly becomes annoying. I would bet that pretty soon there will be a diagnosable “selfie disorder” that mental health professionals will be using in the next few years. 

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Standard perceptions

Disclaimer: this post probably has nothing to do with what the title implies. One of the memories of being a teenager that stand out to me is the occasion of where I learned to drive. I remember studying for my driver’s test (the written portion), failing it and then passing it the next day when I went again. Driving for me was somewhat of a birthright. As the oldest child, my parents were anxious to have another driver to shuttle, run errands, and occasionally to help on some road trips. However, in order to get full driving privileges I had to learn how to drive a standard transmission. Anyone who has learned how to drive a car with a standard transmission knows that it is truly a process of jerking and stopping. Driving up a hill is one of the hardest concepts to learn because it requires a certain level of finesse. You need just enough gas to get up the hill and the clutch for control while not running into the car in back or in front of you. I chuckled when I saw this picture because while driving a standard transmission is a great thing, it is not a test of manhood. Driving a stick shift car is something that seems to be fading into obscurity. I meet more and more people who have no clue on what needs to happen in order to competently start and drive a stick shift. I find that driving a stick shift has helped me be able to multi task at times. Maybe not in a good way. The truth of the matter is that stick shifts require practice in order to drive. Period. However, it’s a great skill to have because you never know when it might come in handy.

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Give me a reason

Most of us have heard at one point or another is the fact that you can’t change people. Millions of hearts have been unnecessarily broken because their owners did not believe this fact. While I absolutely believe that this is true, I think that there may be some exceptions. The fact of the matter is that people can change each other. The point is that you can’t change someone by trying to do that. It makes absolutely no sense being in a relationship with someone because you think one day they’ll see the light and change for the better. The truth of the matter is that sometimes it’s easy to underestimate the impact that people have on each other. Social psychology teaches that a person is shaped and developed by his or her social interactions with others. We have an impact of people–whether we like it or not. The chain effect of human interaction and friendship is often underestimated. Try to change someone and you’ll fail. Present someone with the opportunity to change in a way that makes them feel as if they aren’t changing–merely evolving, and drop some very subtle motivational hints. Insert some positive reinforcement and you have a much better change of getting them to change. While this example may be a little much (and manipulative), my point is that that there is a way to influence people to change in a way that makes them feel good about it. Winston Churchill said that tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell and have him look forward to the trip. But I digress. My point is that people need motivation to change and many times their relationships and interactions with others can serve as this motivation. People can change, they just need a reason. 

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More to life

I’m not going to lie, as a fairly young adult I don’t think about my mortality on a adult basis. Growing up I went to more funerals than most people have been to in their lives. It was always really sobering. This week on the wake of basking in the achievement of another significant professional stepping stone in my career, I was reminded of how previous life is. One of my jobs entails working the elderly population in a residential setting. This week I lost one of my patients. And by lost I mean that the patient died. As someone who is trained to intervene in situations in order to ensure safety and prevent death, providing emotional support as someone is dying is a new challenge. You find yourself going beyond your job description in order to do small things that might improve quality of life. To experience of starting a shift and seeing a patient alive to hours later when their body is rolled out by the mortuary technician is so sobering. I say all this to say that you never know how your actions can impact someone. Many times we are quick to talk about how we should have done things differently but how it’s too late. Hug your loved ones and tell them you love them. Express love and appreciation while they’re alive.

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Introverts Unite!

Introverts Unite!

I love this humorous yet somewhat true description of introverts. Granted it’s not all encompassing, we all know someone who fits at least one of the descriptors. I’m pretty introverted for the most part. Surprisingly, I actually like speaking in front of people and doing presentations. I’m a behind-the-scenes sort of person and I don’t seek out the spotlight. However, if the spotlight shines on me, I’m usually prepared and ready. I honestly can’t stand meaningless conversations. I feel as if they’re a waste of my time and energy but I have them on a regular basis because despite the fact that I find them mundane, many times they are necessary in order to bridge the gap into more meaningful conversations. I think that the world needs a mixture of both extroverts and introverts because while those personality types can clash they can also complement each other. A quiet person with a loud person can be a great combination because they won’t try to out-talk each other.

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Traveling Thoughts

One of my goals this year is to travel more and I haven’t been the greatest at that as yet. This weekend I took my first trip this year. I was a kid that grew up traveling all over the Southeast and Midwest area of the United States. Sadly, these trips usually included of 12 hours or more of riding in a van. As I got older and learned to drive, the trips were more enjoyable because I could actually do something instead of sleeping or reading in the car. My siblings and I had some great experiences exploring the downtown areas of different cities and going to various museums and zoos. Even today, while I like going to my tried and true favorite spots, I also love to go places I’ve never gone before and have a totally new experience. The problem with traveling for me is that it takes probably about six weeks of planning in order to make it happen. While I am spontaneous and I like spur of the moment stuff, living in the middle of nowhere really puts a damper on that. I have to coordinate all my job schedules, find a place for my dog, ensure that I have no prior obligations, and plan for flights and transportation. In addition, this also includes doing school work in advance and then doubling up when I get home in order to ensure that I don’t fall behind in assignments. All of this can easily become a logistical nightmare. However, there are few happy feelings that beat walking onto the elongated trailer thingy that connects to the plane. The start of a new adventure and a chance for new experiences and people. I’m determined to have more of that this year. Despite all the logistics and financial challenges, life is too short to feel trapped in the middle of nowhere. I’m traveling more this year. 

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The Game of Odds

The Game of Odds

This article was so interesting to me because the author took the time to break down what (he) thinks it takes for a woman to marry. Granted, while he (supposedly) is quoting information from a book, there is absolutely no citations or references at the end of the article. Despite this, the article was very direct and organized and makes a lot of sense. I have to admit that my favorite part was the quote about making getting a husband a priority after age 30 and not being the last person to “get off the bus” in terms of matrimony. Overall, I think that there’s some great advice that one can take away from the author’s perspective. Plus, it’s an easy read. 

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Safety First

Safety is something that is at the forefront of our minds a lot of the time. Whether it’s looking both ways before crossing the street, parking in a lighted area, or buying a concealed weapon for your house. We hate being caught off guard. However our emotional safety is important as well. Working in mental health “not feeling safe” a way that a lot of people express the fact that they are not in a good emotional space and they’re afraid that they may do something impulsive. Rarely do people get to feeling this way without some type of cause. It could be stress in their relationship, work, or even something in their childhood that happened and they are just now remembering. They are vulnerable and they’re reaching out for help. Emotional safety can be defined differently by different people. You’ll notice that when someone feels emotionally safe they are much more likely to open up and being genuine with themselves and others. They are also more likely to show vulnerability. This is why many times you don’t know who someone really is until you’ve known them for a few years and they feel comfortable with you. Feeling emotionally safe can sometimes be harder with those you’re close to than with perfect strangers. Think of programs like Alcoholics Anonymous where people incredible vulnerable about their addictions and struggles but still get to remain somewhat anonymous. That being said, I have so much respect for people who can be vulnerable about their struggles and experiences in a group of people that they know. Because they are really putting themselves out there in the hope that their vulnerability will inspire and motivate others. In some ways I feel that writing a book where you’re vulnerable and speaking in a group of people with that same level of vulnerability is something totally different. As a therapist, I know that vulnerability is one of the best emotions in the therapy room, but there has to be a high level of emotional safety and if one person is vulnerable and the other person isn’t supportive or doesn’t care, the session quickly becomes counterproductive with both people leaving feeling hurt and upset at the other. This is why the emotional safety of both individuals has to be a priority.