Tag Archives: challenges

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“You and I were created for growth and development, and to reach our full potential. It is the object, the essence of our being. To possess an ambition to expand larger and more broadly each day, to push the horizon of ignorance a little further away, to become a bit richer in knowledge, a tad wiser, and more of what we were created to be–that is our worthwhile objective.” -Dennis Kimbro

This was something that really stuck out to me and I immediately highlighted it through my very 21st century Kindle book app. I think of all the people who have never fully reached their potential. Is it their fault? Were they never given the tools to succeed? Were they never interested in moving past the monotony of daily life into their life calling? Every case is different just like every person. Having the ambition to push further each day and to learn something new that can be applied to one’s life is a habit that will bring success in multiple areas of our lives. It’s so easy to get caught up in the stresses of today that we forget to prepare for tomorrow. Maybe that’s why this quote challenges us to make obtaining knowledge and wisdom a priority while also assuring these actions have their own rewards. 

“You and I were…

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A hard reality

So lately it seems as if everyone around me is getting married, engaged, having a child, or accomplishing something. Me? I just do the work and school thing. I’m at a time in my life where the cliche phases no longer make any sense. I’m tired of being asked if I’ve been “found” yet, how I can be such an awesome person and not have a significant other. And my personal favorite “your time will come”. All of these phrases and questions do not serve any real purpose. While I can respect the fact that these sentiments come from a good place, they just don’t make sense. Granted, looking back I probably should have tried harder to get wifed up in college but the fact that I was paying for it (all of it) really made me more focused on graduating on time and getting good grades. Plus the homeschooled social skills weren’t the greatest. I say all this to say that I now know what not to say to younger people. However, I’m also not going to plan my life around an ideal or a plan that may never be my reality. I’m all for optimism but you have to have a plan B. It doesn’t work otherwise. As much as a significant change in my relationship status could positively affect my quality of life, I can also recognize the importance on not basing my happiness on the presence of someone else in my life. Not an easy pill to swallow. But it’s better in the long run.

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Changes and Challenges

So today I started a new job. Not a hustle or on a “as needed” basis, but a real job. It’s something that I’ve (halfway) actively pursuing since early last year. While I’m excited about new opportunities, I’m also hesitant. I love flexibility but it’s time to have something resembling security with health insurance and a 401K. I’ve met so many people who settle for a “regular” job, they put in their hours, go home, raise a family, take a vacation once a year, retire, and die. Not a bad plan, but definitely not for me. This job is not where I want to be for the rest of my life. It’s a means to an end. And if I have to sacrifice by waking up early EVERY morning in order to get stuff done and to meet my goals, so be it. I’m not a morning person but I’ll be one because what I want to be as a professional is bigger than pushing the snooze button on my alarm clock. There’s a saying that says one has to be willing to do what others won’t do in order to get what others won’t get. In my case, getting a regular job is doing what others are doing. However, my special twist is that I’m also pairing it with three additional jobs and an increasingly challenging doctoral program. With the end goal of being in a very very good professional place by the time I’m 25. The biggest challenge will definitely be balance and making sure that I don’t get in my own way. I’ve made some hard choices and there are plenty more to come. But, as I tell my clients, settling feels good for the moment but you never get any lasting results. Being deliberate and planning takes time, effort, and sacrifice but it sure beats waking up one morning and realizing that you’ve wasted your life. At least in my opinion.

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We Want Pre-Nup!

I was speaking with someone today and we were talking about the state of marriage in the world we live in. The truth is that prenuptial agreements have become more popular because of the rising divorce rates. While I’ve heard conflicting arguments about the rightness or wrongness of having one, I have to say that I believe that for certain couples a prenuptial agreement is a necessity. Think of it this way, we buy insurance for our houses and our cars. Most of us wear a seatbelt when we drive. While insurance and seat belts are something that we hope we never have to use, they certainly come in handy when your safety or security is threatened. In the event of an accident, the terms of the insurance policy that you paid for and agreed to come into play. You can save money and emotional distress because of the preparation that you’ve made for a rainy day. Prenuptial agreements are insurance for your marriage. While many may argue that getting one means that you plan on getting a divorce, I don’t agree. The truth is that people change and you never know what the future may bring. Getting a divorce is usually stressful, time-consuming, and exhausting. It’s also usually very emotionally charged because it signifies the deterioration of a once close relationship. Taking the time to create and sign a prenuptial agreement can be helpful in reducing stress and also may prevent you from (for lack of a better term) getting screwed over by someone who now probably does not have your best interest at heart. Pre-nups between people who are equally poor or broke may not be as important as pre-nups between individuals who have considerable assets and who may have waited until their careers were stable to get married. With more people getting married at older ages and later in their careers, I think that a pre-nup is a good idea. You don’t want to work hard, get married, go through a divorce and have to fight tooth and nail for what you worked hard for. You don’t plan to ever use your insurance but you sure are glad you have it when something unexpected occurs. Just because you’re prepared doesn’t mean that you’re expecting something bad to occur. I believe in hoping for the best while preparing for the worst–especially as it pertains to marriage and pre-nups. It never hurts to have some insurance.

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Minding your Business

Minding your Business

This picture caught my eye because it’s definitely something that I’ve been learning to do. Growing up my mom used to always tell me that if you help someone without their permission they’ll turn around and persecute you. As an adult, I’ve experienced this firsthand. I’ve always been someone who has been willing to go above and beyond the call of duty in order to help someone. Recently I’ve learned the importance of being cautious as help people. One of the things that my therapist education has taught me is to rarely if ever give advice. Four words I will probably never use, or very rarely use “In my professional opinion.” The reason for this is because people will rarely tell you the full story. They’ll tell you a side that makes them look like the person that is being wronged when in reality, either they’re the culprit or they share the blame. I’ve learned that most people don’t want help. They just say that they do. Saying that you want to change and actually CHANGING are totally different things entirely. Good intentions don’t equal good actions. One of the problems with giving advice is that you rarely ever know the full story. If the person follows your advice and it turns out to be wrong, 9 times out of 10 they’ll blame you. I’ve gotten out of the “I’m a therapist so tell me all your problems” syndrome. I don’t counsel family or friends and I don’t say what I think unless it’s asked. And even then, I do it pretty sparingly. Most people don’t want counsel. They just want a listening an empathetic ear. I find it much easier to just let people know that I’m here if they need me and just leave it there.