I’ve encountered a lot of people recently who have gotten into situationships instead of relationships. A situationship occurs when you get into a psudo-relationship with someone else because you’re going through a hard time in your life or you’re facing a lot of situational stress. The bottom line is that you aren’t thinking clearly. Many people in these situations are emotionally vulnerable and they easily settle for someone who appears good for them because they are tired of being alone. However, when they discover that they’ve made the wrong choice, they still don’t do anything differently. I personally think that some of the most dysfunctional relationships are born out of desperation. People want the ideal relationship but never actually take the time to think through their actions. We are friends with people we don’t like. We marry people we don’t like. We even have children with people we don’t like. This does nothing but add to the confusion and chaos in our lives. We (including myself) have to come to a point where we stop doing permanent things with temporary people and expecting everything to work out. It’s important to realize that it is so much easier to slip into a situationship than it is to take the time to grow and build a genuine relationship. Remember that situationships are just that. Situational. They have a very low likelihood of ever succeeding because you’ll realize that you don’t need or even want a situationship any more after the situation has passed. They’re a temporary fix to a long term problem. Stop settling for people you never even wanted in the first place. You’ll never get back the time you wasted.
Tag Archives: relationship
Letting People In
I totally agree with this picture. While I don’t think that you have to be standoffish and mean, I think that less is more when it comes to letting people get super close to you. I know that everyone is human and we all make mistakes and that we can’t expect perfection from our friends but it’s still ok to be cautious before spilling your guts to someone you call a friend but have only known a short time. Someone once said that you should never trust anyone who only has new friends because that’s an indication of the quality of their prior relationships and friendships. Sometimes doing more groundwork on the front end of a friendship or a relationship can save you a lot of heartache and hurt down the road. One thing that I’ve noticed is that I’m somewhat of an extremist when it comes to putting the words in this picture into practice. For instance, every person in my life that I consider close and feel that they know me well I’ve known for three years or more. This was not a conscious decision, it was just something that happened and can probably be blamed in some way on my upbringing. But I digress. My point is that it’s good to screen people and to let them prove that they can be trusted before you open the floodgates of your heart and let them 100% into your life.
Be Ok–Chrisette Michele
I’m a music enthusiast. Point blank. Growing up, I was exposed to many different types of music and I had the chance to learn about some of the technicalities of music through my years of piano lessons. All that aside, this song has quickly become one of my favorites. I think of it as the “I will survive” song of the 21st century. Chrisette’s voice is so unique and I love how the words fits the music. Listen carefully and you’ll notice that when the chorus starts, there’s a deliberate shift in the notes as opposed to the verses. Chrisette is making a declaration and proclaiming that she’ll be ok–despite feeling hurt. This song is probably one of the best “get over him” songs that’s been made in a LONG time and I like it because it’s catchy and also can be applied to so many other life situations. Plus, it’s just well written.
The thirst is real
I think we all know someone who always complains about being single. Every single person they meet is immediately “the one.” This happens multiple times in multiple years. While I get that we all on some level want a connection with someone, I feel that desperation is never attractive. When someone tries too hard, it a huge turn off. The same applies to helplessness. Acting like you can’t do anything on your own and you need approval from someone else is the perfect recipe to cramping your style. It’s easy to lose yourself when you change for other people. And even after you’ve made all these changes, chances are that everyone still won’t like you. Why go through that? Being desperate or “thirsty” should never be an option because it puts you in a really bad position where you almost have to take what you are given. Have some standards. There’s already enough people in the world without them.
The Friend Dilemma
One of the very first things that couples often say or even promise to each other after a breakup is that they’ll stay friends. They swear up and down that this little “hiccup” in their romantic relationship will not affect their friendship. I think that this “staying friends” idea is just a way for both parties to feel better about the breakup. I don’t think that it’s possible for couples to be friends right after they break up. There’s too much history. Emotions are raw. The reality that they’re not together any more hasn’t even settled in yet. There needs to be a clean break that allows both people to heal and to regroup. I think that ex-couples can be friends after they both have gotten over the break up. It’s easy to claim to be friends when on ex-partner wants to resume the relationships and uses the “just friends” story in order to make a demand on the other ex-partner’s attention and time. All this could be easily avoided if both individuals took the time to honestly evaluate their feelings and to regroup. There’s no need to be friends right after a breakup. It doesn’t serve a purpose and (in my opinion) is just plain dumb. Thoughts?
Alisha's Angle 