Tag Archives: thoughts

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The Job You Really Want

I have a theory that we all have an idea of a job we’d do if money wasn’t a thing. A fun job, a meaningless job, a flexible job, or even a non-job — we’d take the role if offered. When I was younger (much younger), that job for me was living in a log cabin in the country with a lot of land. I grew up in the country and our home was far out from the city and suburbs. Big open areas and starry skies with quiet nights were a frequent occurrence. Plus, and most importantly, I read ALL the books in the Little House on the Prairie series. I was just convinced at the tender age of 7 that the way to go was living off the grid. I was enthralled with the stories of homesteaders and settlers who went West looking for new opportunities. It seemed like fun and I loved animals so riding horses all day sounded amazing. 

I wanted to travel and get paid for it. Once upon a time I was stuck in a (literal) cubicle job and had some down time on my hands. I knew that I needed something different and that office life wasn’t something I wanted long term. I was (surprisingly) able to find a whole other career field where I combined my education with my desire to travel and I spent four years on the road. It was a good experience overall and I got to see a part of the country I never anticipated visiting. “Yay” for trying something different.

The today version of me would like to be a stocker at my favorite candle store. It would (hypothetically) be very low stress filled with good smells and bright colors. I wouldn’t have to stress about where to put things and I’d just follow the pattern I’d been given. I could carefully organize the candles ensuring that each label is facing forward. It would be nice. I’d learn more about fragrances and would appreciate the routine of creating the displays. Now, because this is a purely hypothetical scenario, I’d want to be able to work whenever I wanted. Two hours, four hours, eight hours, whatever I wanted to do. It would be chill and I could use my employee discount to really create my own extensive candle collection. Then, when I had enough candles, I’d quietly submit my resignation thanking the company for the opportunity. Actually, I’d probably start thinking about what else I wanted to stock up on in my house. Maybe a furniture store. 

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Based on a True Story

Not too long ago, I started watching this television show and I love it so far. The first thing I like is that the plot is original and as a whole, the writers make fun of popular murder mystery culture. Basically, the show revolves around three people. A couple and their plumber. Now, the twist is that he has a big secret and once they figure out his secret, they enlist him to help. What follows is a crazy adventure that includes a trip for “promo” and a series of unfortunate events. The whole show is based on the couple’s decision to look the other way when faced with an opportunity to turn in a criminal to law enforcement. They decide that their own professional advancements are more important than providing the information necessary to solve a recent crime. As a result, a lot of people are impacted by their choices–including some innocent ones. But the show must go on. The couple is tasked with trying to figure out a plan of action without admitting any additional information about themselves.

I love that the show is unpredictable and keeps you guessing about what will happen next. To me, it’s a true thriller because there’s a lot that happens within each episode and each twist is shocking. It’s hard these days to find shows that keep your attention and this one definitely does. I’m glad that it was renewed and I’m looking forward to the second season. So many shows change between the first and second season and I hope that they keep the same energy all the way through. I’m interested in how they will expand the story line around the plumber and the progress of the episodes. I think I’ll wait until all the episodes air and then I’ll binge the second season over a weekend or two. Great show!

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My Favorite Meteorologist

Growing up in Alabama meant that I was always taught to take weather seriously. A lot could change in the blink of an eye and before you knew it, we could be in the midst of a tornado. There was many a night where my family and I would be awakened in the middle of the night by weather sirens. My dad would turn on the living room TV and we would watch my favorite meteorologist, James Spann with ABC 33/40. He was a calm voice in the midst of many chaotic late nights and early mornings.

There was something mesmerizing about watching the doppler radar on the television screen. All the television shows would immediately be suspended in order to show the ongoing weather coverage. Because the weather was so unpredictable we never knew how long the tornado warning or watch would last. We would hunker down and hope for the best as we saw the wind, rain, and thunder pick up outside. It’s weird, but typically right before a tornado (at least during the day), the sky starts to look green and there’s an eerie silence before you start to hear the rushing wind that mimics the sound of a freight train.

As soon as we would hear from James that the tornado was on the ground and approaching our direction, My siblings and I would all huddle together in an inside closet or in the bathtub with our helmets on our heads covered in blankets. My parents would then turn the tv volume up and we would listen to it until we heard the all clear or our power went out. It was an occurrence that happened fairly frequently in Alabama. Tornados often resulted in a lot of loss of life in ourarea and we were taught to take it all very seriously. 

Our local news station hosted an event one year around Christmas where the anchors came to introduce themselves and bring some holiday cheer to the community. I remember being so excited to finally meet him in person. I was able to get a picture and an autograph with him and as a kid it was a big deal. It was the highlight of my year. My family moved away from the area when I was 11 and location of our new home in Georgia drastically reduced the likelihood of seeking shelter in severe weather. I’ll always appreciate his dedication to his work and I’m glad he’s still doing it today. Thanks James Spann. 

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Choose a hell you can handle

Life is about choices. The small ones, medium ones and big ones. The decisions you made today can impact tomorrow in numerous ways. Errors of youth lead to lifetime consequences. Some of the major decisions you make in your life include who you marry, what you’ll do for a living, and who you will procreate with. Life includes suffering but oftentimes give you the opportunity to choose your hell. Making the wrong choice for you in any of these areas can be devastating. We see stories of people making quick decisions and regretting it later. The smaller decisions grow into bigger ones and have a compound effect on the trajectory of one’s life

CHECK OUT THE COMPOUND EFFECT

Having worked in Higher Education for the last 7 years and some change, I’ve had students who didn’t know what they wanted to do as a career. School offers a lot of opportunities but in order to make the most out of your education, you have to pick the right one. Getting a bachelors degree in anything that ends in an “-ology” pretty much means that you’ll need more education to get a high paying job. Of course there are exceptions but for the most part, it’s true. Sociology, biology, physiology, psychology, and anthropology are interesting to learn about, but just know that you’ll probably need more degrees after that. There are way too many people picking a major because it sounds cool instead of seeing it as a way to sustain themselves. I remember working in a hospital and one of the technicians had a masters degree — in poetry. He could not find a job within his field (Poetry) and due to the fact that he was an adult with bills, he was now leading check in groups and trying to reason with patients who were hallucinating. School is hard enough but coming out without any prospects for a decent paying salary? Not the greatest choice of hell.

Marriage was never initially supposed to be about love. It was about connection and alliances. It was a way to preserve wealth and ensure peace as people would arrange marriages across certain societal lines. These days, people still get married for many reasons but the one most people cite is the fact that they love each other. The sad reality is that we all are not meant to love the same person we build a life with. Love is great but it’s better when paired with logic, shared goals, and similar outlooks. You can love someone dearly but if they don’t want kids, they have an enmeshed family, or they struggle with being honest, you’ll be miserably in love with them. It’s not a dynamic that is sustainable long term and chances are that your kids will adversely be affected in some way from that relationship.

Having a kid with a wrong person is a different type of hell because there’s no going back. The kid is here. The choice has been made and you’re left to pick up the pieces. Trying to work with someone who doesn’t want to work with you and raising a child while not neglecting your own mental health is hard. It’s hard and difficult and can also qualify as suffering. Being in and out of court and fighting for your child to be supported financially by the other parent is a lot. Navigating family holidays with two people and potential significant others is a dynamic that is never envied. Maybe it’s not a great choice of hell.

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Average Joe is Above Average

One of my favorite pastimes is to watch televisions shows that people aren’t really talking about. And when I say people, I really just mean my timeline(s) on social media. It’s hard to get me interested in a series because it has to keep my attention over a long period of time. I like shows that are unpredictable with a lot of twists and turnes. Average Joe fit the bill.

I want to share why, but be warned there will be some slight spoiler alerts ahead. 

Average Joe is a television show about a plumber who lives in the South with his wife and daughter. His daughter has just started to date and is becoming more invested in her social circle. The first episode finds Joe dealing with the death of his father and the grief that comes along with having to settle his father’s estate. Joe is a stressed out man and it’s very

apparent within all the episodes. He’s just trying to do the right thing and keep food on the table for his family. He loves his wife, but he also wants to make a change in his life. The family is solidly middle class but like most families, they have some financial stressors that make it hard to get ahead. The most notable being that a member of Joe’s immediate family has an autoimmune disease that affects her ability to get around at times and it requires expensive medications to manage symptoms.

How it begins

Joe is minding his business when a quick turn of events within an hour turns his life upside down and makes him a wanted man. The situation is quickly complicated by the arrival of his best friend and the involvement of another friend who works in law enforcement. Without giving too much away, I can honestly say that each episode left me on the edge of my seat. There wasn’t a slow build like many thrillers have. The action started in the very first episode and it stayed that way for the entire series. 

As the show goes on, the intensity increases. Joe and his family have to leave their home because they fear for their lives and are trying to figure out their next moves. It’s interesting to watch Joe and his wife attempt to shield their daughter from the chaos until they discover that she has a significant role to play in finding a resolution. In many ways, the situation is a coming of age for her as she advocates for herself and tries to help her parents in the midst of a situation that seems impossible. Her parents give multiple directions and directives to her and she ignores many of them in true teenage fashion.

One thing I liked was that the supporting cast was solid

Each person had their own role to play and the power of working together was highlighted. Life rarely happens as expected and fiction mimics reality. There were so many ups and downs but I found myself rooting for Joe in each episode because his heart was in the right place. Needless to say, there are multiple storylines that make this show more intriguing. One particularly interesting one is the relationship between Joe and his best friend. We are able to see some of the nuances of relationships, the temptation of greed and how it can affect the ones closest to us. 

All in all, it was a show I’d recommend watching if you like murder mysteries and being surprised. I give it an 8/10 for originality. Check it out sometime.

AVERAGE JOE SEASON ONE

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Couples Shouldn’t Share a Bathroom

And I think that most people would agree. There are certain times where personal space matters more than others. No one wants to be interrupted while attending to business and I can imagine that it probably happens frequently whenever two or more people have to share the same bathroom. Ask any adolescent that has gone through puberty if they’d like their own bathroom and the answer would most likely be yes. There’s just something nice about not having to share a bathroom with others.

Growing up, I had a totally opposite experience. From 1996 to 2001, we were a family of six (6) living in a 1200sq ft house that only had one bathroom. Six people, one bathroom. It was quite a time. As you can imagine, it was tough to have that many people getting ready to go out to the town, but each person needed to take a shower. I think I learned great negotiation skills through those tense moments where we had to figure out who would get dibs on the bathroom. It was an exercise in patience and compromise that I never want to revisit in that manner again.

Fast forward to couples stuff

Living together is a big step for most couples and it often means that a partners are sharing a bed and bathroom. Usually, it’s in the bigger bedroom of the house or apartment and it comes with an attached bathroom. Couples are immediately having to have conversations about preferences and shared space as they get adjusted to the feeling of having someone in their space with them all the time. Sharing a bathroom just comes with the territory. Personally, I don’t think that this situation is ideal and here’s why:

Relationships need space to breathe

Think about it. You tend to think more positive thoughts about your partner when you can spend some time apart. There’s some truth to the fact that absence makes the heart fonder. Sharing a bathroom can feel very smothering and there are just some things that happen that are guaranteed to make you lose the rose colored glasses that you might see them through. Bathrooms tend to be a reflection of our habits and personality and relationships can feel complicated and get stagnant when we get too familiar.

Space and time become more important as you get older

We become more set in our ways and our peace matters more than money. It’s hard to make adjustments after we get over a certain age. People are getting married at older ages and with that comes different expectations of relationships. Separate bathrooms can help you not to lose yourself in the midst of your relationship. You get a chance to get a sink, shower, tub and toilet to yourself to use when you’d like without any feedback from your partner. It can easily be your escape from stress and from the cares of the world. It may also be an experience you want for yourself without any feedback from your partner. 

So, the next time you’re looking for a new place with your significant other, try getting separate bathrooms. You’ll thank yourself later. 

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Easier vs. Better

As hard as it is to hear, I’m at a place in my life where I want to hear the truth. While I know it’s not always comfortable and that I can end up being a bit hurt at times, it still beats alternative of being lied to. Lies can just be more convenient and appear to be the best option. However, in the long run, it’s generally a bad idea to build your life or make decisions based on untruths. Like most people, I strongly dislike being mislead and I’d rather know something than not knowing something.

So enter relationships. The romantic sort. They can be messy, complicated and very emotionally taxing. We’ve all seen couples where we were secretly hoping that they would recognize their lack of compatibility and just part ways. It was toxic from day one and just continued to go downhill from the moment they decided to form a “trauma bond” and be in romantic relationship. It’s a relationship that makes us all happy that we aren’t in their shoes and having to make the same decisions.

Photo by RDNE Stock project on Pexels.com

And then there are the rare exceptions to normality in a positive direction that leave us all dumbfounded (I think that’s a word). They seem to be in sync on everything and against all odds appear to be consistently happy together for months and years at a time. Their relationship appears to be a good partnership and both people are blissfully in love, in like, and in life together. A rarity indeed. It’s a reminder to us all that it’s a beautiful thing to have a trusted life companion. The reality flipside is that for many of us, our romantic relationships fall into the “normal” box. We have our general frustrations and bones to pick. But we’ve decided that we’re going to try to make it work because it makes sense for now and overall, the outcome has been positive.

Every relationship has a culture and this can be different and varied depending on the people involved in said relationship. There’s good and bad times, ups and downs and in-between moments. Life with someone takes compromise, communication, trust and honesty. We can veer off course but eventually through time and understanding and applying relationship skills like the ones that are outlined in this workbook, we find our way back to our partner. It’s not easy to think about someone else all the time because your decisions affect them. Conversations can lead to conflicts and misunderstandings that require humility and effort to resolve. We don’t always get our way. However, for many, having a relationship doesn’t make their life easier, but it makes it better. We like the fact that there’s someone to come home to and there’s an emergency contact outside of friends and family that actually cares. We have a person that will listen and support in a way that only someone who knows us well can do.

It’s an interesting concept to consider the whole idea of better vs. easier. I think many times we have to make decisions that require us to sacrifice one for the other. What’s better generally isn’t easier and what’s easier generally isn’t better. Of course there are exceptions but those don’t necessarily apply to relationships and interactions with others. We make decisions based on what we hope the outcome will be and wish for the best. Maybe that’s the way it’s supposed to be.

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Self Discovery (Nerding Out)

Spending time with people provides more than just a glimpse into their true character. It also presents us with a remarkable opportunity for self-discovery. As we engage in deep connections and explore the impact of the Ego, we embark on our own journey of understanding ourselves better.. When we interact with others on a genuine level, we mirror their experiences and emotions. Through these interactions, we gain valuable insights into our own strengths, weaknesses, and aspirations. This process of self-reflection allows us to identify areas for personal growth and self-improvement. Furthermore, the Ego acts as a mirror that reflects our own insecurities, fears, and desires. By observing how the Ego manifests in others, we can identify the ways in which it affects our own behavior and actions. This newfound awareness empowers us to confront and overcome our own ego-driven patterns, leading to personal transformation.

“The only journey is the journey within.” – Rainer Maria Rilke

As we embark on the journey of self-discovery, we develop a deeper understanding of our own values, beliefs, and motivations. We gain clarity about our true passions and purpose in life. By examining the impact of the Ego and embracing our authentic selves, we free ourselves from societal expectations and embark on a path of fulfillment and self-realization.

CHECK OUT THIS SELF DISCOVERY WORKBOOK

Benefits of the Journey of Self-Discovery

The journey of self-discovery offers numerous benefits that extend beyond individual growth. By understanding ourselves better, we cultivate empathy and compassion towards others. This newfound understanding enhances our ability to form meaningful connections and establish authentic relationships. Moreover, the journey of self-discovery equips us with the tools to navigate life’s challenges with resilience and grace. Through self-reflection and self-acceptance, we become better equipped to make choices aligned with our true values and aspirations. This heightened self-awareness fosters personal fulfillment and empowers us to pursue a life that is true to ourselves.

Embarking on the journey of self-discovery is a transformative endeavor that requires time, patience, and introspection. It is a continuous process of self-exploration and self-evolution. However, the rewards are immeasurable, as it enables us to live a life of authenticity, purpose, and deep fulfillment.

Benefits of Self-DiscoveryBenefits of Self-Discovery
Enhanced self-awarenessImproved relationships
Greater clarity of purposeResilience in facing challenges
Alignment with personal valuesHeightened self-fulfillment
Improved decision-makingEmbracing authenticity

Conclusion

In conclusion, the Ego serves as a revealing lens through which we can understand the truth about individuals. By spending ample time with others, we can uncover their true character and gain a deeper understanding of the complexities of human nature. Embracing this knowledge allows us to foster more authentic connections and navigate our own journeys of self-discovery.