To love is to be vulnerable. So we’re back in February which is also known as the month of love. Not too long ago, I watched a movie (can’t remember the name) where one of the characters told the other that the first person to say “I love you” to their significant other loses. I also watched the episode of New Girl (love that show) where Nick finally blurts out to Jess that he loves her and she totally freaks out. In no way am I anti-love, but I can understand the vulnerability that comes with being the first one to use the word “love” directed towards a significant other. Scary stuff. One thing that grinds my gears is when couples say that they aren’t in love anymore and that their feelings have changed toward each other. True love isn’t based on how we feel at the moment. It’s more complicated than that. So many people are under the false assumption that you have to be with the person that you love. Loving from a distance can take more guts than being with the person that you love. Sometimes loving someone means that you respect their choices–even if you don’t agree with it or know that they would be better off with you. It involves putting your feelings to the side because at the end of the day, feelings can come and go. A genuine interest, respect for someone, and a desire to do anything necessary to ensure their success are some of the many aspects of true love. So what if your feelings change? Love has to go deeper than that. One of my Facebook friends posted that when you love someone you don’t ever actually stop loving them, you just learn how to move on. You can still love someone after letting go of them because your love shouldn’t be dependent on their actions. Love is a choice. It’s a choice that should be made wisely because if you really love someone you don’t stop loving them. Even if you don’t agree with their decisions. This, by default, puts you in a position of vulnerability and you had better hope that the other person is in a similar spot of vulnerability because it’s never fun being in love alone. Ever. Because to love is to be vulnerable.
Tag Archives: love
It’s been HOW long?
I’m going to keep this pretty short and sweet but this song has been running through my head a lot in the past few hours. I was exposed to all types of music growing up but quality R&B is something of a lost art form. This is why I like Brian McKnight’s music. Granted, I may have more of a vested interest than most people because I’ve seen him numerous times and he went to my alma mater. But that’s neither here nor there. I’ve always admired artists who can convey a message of such deep human emotion through an equally moving set of chords and progressions that just fit. Brian has that gift. Recently I had the opportunity to see him perform live and it was an incredible experience. “6,8, 12” is one of my favorite songs ( I have many) because Brian does such an amazing job (as always) of capturing an experience that many people have felt at one point or another in their lives. The song talks about the process of letting go after being close to an individual but realizing that it won’t work out in the long run. Logic and experience both say that this situation should have been resolved a long time ago, but emotions and feelings say the opposite. So as a result, you’re stuck in a place of missing this person for an indefinite period of time. Or rather, 6 months, 8 days, and 12 hours. That place of limbo between being over someone and actually being with them. Definitely not the most comfortable place to be, but sometimes that’s just where we end up…
The eyelids of love
There are so many definitions of love floating around. We’ve all heard of the term “falling in love” and I think that many times people get caught up in the hype that love is a feeling 100% of the time. I won’t deny that those fluttery butterflies in your stomach aren’t cute, but that’s not the most long term aspect of love. Many times people say that they can’t help that they fell in love with someone. While I’m not discounting their experience, I think that it’s indeed possible to pick someone to fall in love with. Doing so requires self awareness and self control. I’ve noticed people who turn a blind eye to huge hints about a side of their significant other’s character that isn’t pleasant. All in the name of love. They loudly proclaim that they can forgive any faults because they “love” this specific individual. The eyelids of love are closed. They’re “blind” and not thinking clearly because emotions have won the battle between reality and how they feel. I’m pretty big on planning and I like to know what I’m getting into before I actually commit to it. I believe that love should be the same way. Just like the human eye blinks as a way to moisturize and get impurities out, I think that loving someone involves seeing past certain character flaws (eyelids closed) while acknowledging the role that these flaws will play in the relationship (eyes open). I’m not talking about having standards that are so high that nobody will ever measure up. I’m referring to being able to look at both pros and cons with a balanced outlook that isn’t tainted by something as temporary as feelings. Let’s face it. Feelings change. That’s why you should know what you’re getting before you decide it’s what you’ve waited all your life for. Keep both eyes open but remember to blink.
Alisha's Angle 