One of the ways that I conceptualize human interactions is though the lens of what I call the law of averages. Having been in school for the past five consecutive years, I’ve learned a lot about averages as I’ve gone through classes. Every class in its syllabus lines out what is expected in order to get an “A” in the course. In my undergraduate and high school years, an “A” was a 93% or higher. One of things that I did as I was going through a class would be to constantly average out my assignments so I knew what grade I needed to get in order to get an “A.” Doing this was really helpful for anxiety because I knew that even if I barely passed certain quizzes, I would make it up on the test or the bonus work. With most couples that I see, the good times are really good and the bad times are really bad. One of the questions that I ask in therapy is: What’s been the average of the relationship? Has trust, honesty, genuineness, and love been present the majority of the time? One of my teachers once told me that no one care about the middle part. A good beginning and a strong ending is what really matters. So if you have a good foundation in your relationship and you can learn to reconnect after a heated discussion, argument, or difference in opinion, then the fights won’t be such a threat to the quality of the relationship. It takes time to build that between people but the end product is well worth the work involved.
this is a very good idea and perception to how we should handle our relationships, whether family, friends or intimate. It gives us the reality of the value and worth of the relationships.