Compulsively Obsessive

Awkward Girl.

They say that it helps if you keep yourself busy
So busy that my mind doesn’t have any time to realize that I’m not actually happy
Maybe if I tell myself enough that I’m happy, I’ll start to believe it
Or maybe I’ll just stay busy
Like they say

I think that’s how all of this started in the first place
I needed my mind to be a distraction from itself
So I started doing things over and over again
Checking my alarm 100 times before going to sleep
Ensuring that the door is locked (for the 10th time tonight)
Counting and recounting and multiplying and dividing numbers
Of tiles and people and cars
And I hate math
Who likes math honestly?
But numbers are easier to deal with than my thoughts
Numbers make more sense than my thoughts
My obsessive need to keep my mind off of my mind…

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