In todays tech driven world, online dating has emerged as an avenue for meeting romantic partners. These days when you’re asking a couple how they met, the usual answer is typically that they met online in same way. And even if they didn’t meet online, there’s a good chance that the initial romantic interest was communicated through a comment or a private message on social media. However, beyond the seemingly simple act of swiping lies a complex landscape filled with hurdles and intricacies. There are unspoken rules that accompany the dating experience and the chance of rejection is quite high. But what can we do about it? People say they want love, but those same people are often the first to dip out when adversity arrives. The words sound good but the follow through leaves a lot to be desired. 

FIND THE PERFECT SCENT

One significant obstacle in online dating is the dilemma posed by having many options. With an array of dating apps and platforms, the abundance of choices can feel overwhelming. Constant swipes and clicks seem to raise the level of difficulty in finding someone who is relatively well adjusted and (dare I say it?) sane. Amidst a sea of profiles and potential matches, people often find it challenging to distinguish connections from interactions. Messages go unread for hours and days at time and initial interactions frequently are laid to rest in the DM’s. Additionally, the temptation to seek out something a click away can lead to a cycle of perpetual dissatisfaction and uncertainty. It’s almost like a gambling high of sorts. You go into a casino and you sit down at a slot machine. You play the game and as soon as you win, you want to know if you could possibly win more so you keep playing instead of cashing out. It can be an endless cycle that leads to financial ruin, or in this case, a lot of frustration and possible heartbreak. But, at the end of the day, you want to put your best foot forward and show up as attractively as possible. 

FIND OUT HOW TO LOOK BETTER ONLINE

Another prevalent issue in dating is the veil of anonymity it provides. People can make up fake names and personas that have nothing to do with the life that they live on a daily basis. Shielded behind screens, individuals can create constructed representations of themselves that showcases an idealized version while concealing vulnerabilities and imperfections.
The idea of presenting oneself as flawless can lead to doubt and disappointment as people struggle with the contrast, between their personas and real life interactions. We can have a gut feeling when someone is immediately evasive and seems to be giving very short answers to questions that are open ended. Additionally the anonymity provided by platforms can encourage individuals to behave manipulatively making it even more challenging to establish genuine connections. We may want a long term partnership, but we also don’t want to be the subject of a reality crime show. It’s a situation that tends to lend itself to some degree of paranoia. Side note: It’s never a bad idea to video chat with someone prior to meeting them in a public place. Safety first.

In a society that values gratification and quick outcomes, online dating promotes the idea of effortless romance. You can easily get sucked into the idea that your soulmate is merely swipes away and there might be some truth to that. People rarely make the effort to introduce themselves to someone in public anymore. Gone are the days when someone asks you out on a date after seeing you randomly in a grocery store. The storybook random encounter interaction is now officially solely the plot of a Hallmark movie with no basis in reality. The ease of browsing through profiles and exchanging messages swiftly can create expectations and impatience. However, the path to discovering relationships is often filled with obstacles, setbacks and false starts. 

Online dating also exposes people to the challenges of feeling rejected. The superficial nature of swipe based platforms can trigger feelings of inadequacy and self doubt as individuals are constantly judged based on their appearance and desirability. You don’t get to ask questions about why you were rejected. It’s like an unknown answer that can quickly grow from a seed of anxiety into a plant. Furthermore, behaviors like ghosting or breadcrumbing in dating norms can leave you feeling disposable and unappreciated. You feel a little bit more of your self esteem slip away with yet another person ghosting you for an unknown reason. The fear of rejection often overshadows the pursuit of connections and closeness.

READY TO JUMP INTO DATING?

Getting to know someone can be fun, but that doesn’t mean that dating is 100% fun. It’s a journey that’s filled with uncertainties, frustration, complexity, and sometimes just plain old luck. But if you win, you’ve hit it big.